No Bias. No Narratives.
Mister Greco Recap: “This is the type of shit Tone Montana do”….a lyrically adept (and focused) Tone Montana impresses throughout with bar after bar of replete punchlines, jokes, schemes (esp. that “dreams” joint, round 1) and street shit, taking out Cashis while reminding viewers of what all the hype was about.
Verdict: Tone Montana (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Tone Montana – “You broke as a fat stripper”
Recap: Poetically Kushin’s mostly one-dimensional real rap (“Sunglasses at night nigga?, what you think you Canibus, son?”) talk and standard gun bars prove to be no match for Young X’s better mix of braggadocio (“Y’all about to hear more oooh’s and ahhh’s bars than an Ave. battle, but I’m really saying somethin’!”) bars, name (“See?, I don’t fuck with Kushin and them, I don’t fuck with Kushin’s crew…so I guess it’s safe to say that I don’t fuck with A Chosen Few!”) flips and aggressive punchlines.
Verdict: Young X (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Young X – “I got a revolver, his gun on safety, that make the score 44 to 2…I said I got revolver, his gun on safety, that make the score .44 to .2!”
Recap. Solid battle between Jus Juice and Jai is decided by more versatile turns by Jai. Who in the first couple of rounds, overcame a plethora of real rap stylings by Juice with a steady mix of sturdy name flips, hard-hitting personals, nice (“Won’t stop till I’m on top and they saying I’m great, long story short…this nigga couldn’t end J if he was abbreviating my state!”) wordplay and witty jokes. Still, give Juice credit for hanging in there with a potent (“Rocking them bright colors, I’ll roll up, smoke J…it’s the 80’s nigga!”) 3rd round that allowed him to avoid getting 3-0’d.
Verdict: Jai (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Jai – “…. so when that caliber spit…URL won’t be the only one’s with the footage of Jones battling Clips!”
Recap: Slightly more intricate and consistent with his punches/schemes/personals in round 1, before snapping with some fierce and witty 4-bar set-ups in the second round, Automatic Ray beats back a lyrical, but mostly so-so O’fficial early to make what was a pretty pedestrian 3rd round irrelevant when it comes to the outcome.
Verdict: Automatic Ray (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Automatic Ray – “Bitch you keep having 3somes, Mike & Ike, Ben & Jerry!”
Recap: Flexing throughout with a gang of brazen punchlines, witty personals, some rigid wordplay/schemes and head-ringing /gun bars/hometown heat, for 3 rounds Milwaukee battler Lexcee Baby puts an absolute hurting on a gritty, but lyrically over-matched Lady Caution and scores a 30 in this bout from Barz N Brastrapz.
Verdict: Lexcee Baby (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Lexcee Baby – “Cause a scene and I’ll shoot the movie…that’s a bootleg!”
Recap: A nice barfest between Presidential Dubz and K.O. sees both deliver an assortment of potent gun bars along with quintessential wordplay. And while an aggressive and personal-drenched (“You have yet to win a fucking battle…nah, forreal, forreal, you have yet to WIN a fucking battle!”) Dubz came (“Let’s get something straight here, he went from snitching to being a barber,,,oh I get it, he like lining nigga’s up!”) crazy at times (moreso in rounds 2 and 3), K.O.’s more consistent flow, copious reconstruction of bars and steadier (“I leave more heads wrapped than a Dominican salon!”; “You could learn from mistakes, but for thinking with my dick I should’ve never spit you out!”) punches was more than enough to take first two rounds and the win.
Verdict: K.O. (W) 2-1
Favorite line: K.O. – “Bars outta control, I’m dead nuts, the lead bust, this bitch catching an Ocho head butt!”
Recap: Proving once again that you don’t always have to win battles with haymakers, Brixx Belvedere takes Cityy Towers to school (tho that “I’ll make your life look like the Jersey Shore…right now” line was mean) with bars (“hammers might glow if the lights go coward, I’ll show this pupil what a pair is, you’ll get an eyeful [Eiffel] Tower”) galore that included nice metaphors, punchlines (“Fucking been savage [Ben Savage] like Topanga!”), history lessons and even a nifty Slow-it-Down to keep the crowd moving…all with Conceited’s stamp of approval. No doubt. S.O.N.S. all day.
Verdict: Brixx Belvedere (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Cityy Towers – “Nigga you don’t play the block and check for narcs, you text hoes and when they don’t text back you send them question marks”
Synopsis: Very good battle with plenty of dope wordplay and punchlines on both sides. Nuborn was probably on his way to a win till he slipped-up bad near the end of Round 3. Still, since Super Writer (“You washed up like baptisms when we see Born again”) also had a slip-up in his last round, the edge here stays with Nuborn based off that ill “numbers” scheme, which was the best anyone had to offer in their final rounds.
Verdict: Nuborn (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Nuborn – “So I’m supposed to believe you run around and squeeze clips?, nigga when’s the last time you let your 4 point? Oh [4.0], it was the Dean’s List”
Recap: Thought the crowd clearly yelled louder for P Muny on the 1st go-round after the battle. Either way, Muny definitely gets the win here as his nimble, but highly potent, witty at times and consistent punch/wordplay-game in the latter two rounds (call the 1st debatable) edged a mayhem-drenched, but stung by one too many dry spots Danny Myers in this competitive 3-rounder from AHAT.
Verdict: P Muny (W) 2-1
Favorite line: P Muny – “Cali nigga’s bugging, trying to rap so furious, you remind me of 40 Glocc…a Cali nigga that didn’t take The Game serious!”
Recap: A strong, (“My hands nice, I keep a cannon tho, big ARs, small k’s, all different size like a ransom note!”) punch/scheme-heavy and sometimes (“Silencer on the toast, you don’t know who did it, it’s like a dog fart!”) stirring performance by Johnie Alcatraz is eclipsed by a mightier, (“Hey because, just let him know, he just keep coming with all that bullshit, fronting out his mouth, talking about some shit that he knows nothing about, I’ll cock back, wave the steel and throw of ya cousin’s in his mouth!”) personal/mock-heavy and wordplay (“We don’t bang nigga, but play sweet, I’ll take a red rag and crack ya head till you blue [blew] blood…now you Grape Street!”) crazy 3 rounds from Pontiac, Michigan’s Ill Will in this Proving Grounds matchup from Smack/URL.
Verdict: Ill Will (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Ill Will – “This little nigga talk militant, [but] he Huey from The Boondock, I’m Huey Newton from the rooftop!”
Synopsis: Damn, this was brutal. Wavy puts on a superb show complete with crazy punchlines, dope schemes, feelgood bars (“It’s Mr. Wavy I’m into bad bitch[es] on sight, and I’m known to be on skin like mosquito bites”) and altogether an over-the-top performance. And the other guy….yeah well this is brutal.
Verdict: Mr. Wavy (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Mr. Wavy – “Pardon my back lil nigga, it’s Mr. Wavy, shit I could walk away without a stain on em, he still talkin’ I moon walk it and bang on em!”
Recap: Confidently dishing fiery schemes like your local Hustle Man, while also flipping his opponent Pat Maine’s persistent, but often mediocre use of race angles with a fresh palette of stinging punchlines/personals and amiable wordplay, a consistently bar-heavy Emerson Kennedy easily takes all 3 rounds in this battle from Mic Masters.
Verdict: Emerson Kennedy (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Emerson Kennedy – “My last name Kennedy and you’re getting killed by a Dead President!”
Synopsis: Caustic delivers a steady stream of jokes, personals, bars and even calls out a John John da Don still in heavy denial about his penchant for stealing bars, to take the win.
Verdict: Caustic (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Caustic – “This is Office Space, watch a white boy beat the shit out this copy machine!”
Recap: Ummm, yeah. What started out as a potentially competitive matchup, what with hard, aggressive bars coming from both sides, quickly turned into a mismatch as Rum Nitty’s stifling wordplay, witty punches and gritty gun lines got more and more potent as the battle went on. While his opponent, 2 Staxx, got worse and worse, stumbling over his speedy delivery in the 2nd round before and dishing a 3rd round that was so filled with potholes, he was left with no choice but to quit in the end.
Verdict: Rum Nitty (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Rum Nitty – “My pistol like my bitch, just me and my girlfriend, Pac said it best, just me and her to the world then, I do for her what she would for me, but if a nigga trip, fuck throwing my fists, I rather give you my bitch…I’m sugar free!”
Recap: In this 3-rounder from Alpha League, Piranha serves up a solid effort with a boatload of gritty punches spiced with rampant mayhem. However, for the more versatile Anubis, a consistent dish of fiery schemes, flexing punchlines and downright gully personals would be too much for his opponent over the course of 3 rounds, thus giving Anubis the 30.
Verdict: Anubis (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Anubis – “Now go ahead, tell ’em how a weekend with you I only got a chance to die, but you live a life where ya pet smarter than ya kid, you a Family Guy!”
Verdict: Viixen The Assassin (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Viixen The Assassin – “They told me chill out, stop fighting, you too pretty Viix, but I’m just trying to be on World Star, “Pretty Bitch Knocks Out Nigger Bitch!”
Recap: Before cracking the code to his bars in order to supplement his famous ‘That Shit Go Together’ slogan, GE was still slinging fierce trap talk, deft personals and aggressive heat that made you pay attention. That’s especially seen here in a wanton grudge match against a solid and scheme-heavy G.A., who matches his opponent’s overall grit in a fiery round one, before, thanks in part to too many pedestrian bars, gets edged by GE in the latter rounds in what overall was a close and competitive battle.
Verdict: GE (W) 2-1
Favorite line: GE – “Now y’all be honest, me verse this nigga, what y’all think I’m a do?, bars or shot’s? either way, drink’s on you!”
Recap: Nice battle between Dutch and prez mafia as Dutch came with plenty of fiery (“Nigga try to run with is gun but he ain’t shoot around, left him running with 16 o’s [holes], that’s how you move a pound”) gun bars that often hit their mark. But when it came to variety and angles, prez just had way more. That, along with a better delivery and execution with his bars, gave prez the vic here.
Verdict: prez mafia (W) 2-1
Favorite line: prez mafia – “And if your folks wanna brawl just know I’m gunning them all, I swear to God everyone I see, so push my buttons like a brand new toy and ‘Try Me'”
Recap: Lame battle as Kannon barely came prepared and Lavos’ theatrics just make it hard to take him seriously. Give it to BK on the strength of the immigration and X-men schemes as well as having better overall punchlines.
Verdict: Big Kannon (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Big Kannon – “Since you an esai [essay] it’s like I’m typing a paper to the people that’s viewing ‘cuz I’m subject to get a body for this reach of conclusion”
Recap: An up-n-coming. inspired and seemingly pissed-off T Top lays the hammer down on a clearly overmatched Young N Wise, lacing a bodybag with straightforward aggression that’s equaled by debilitating (“I know it’s iron-ic, that iron make him freeze up, and that blade will make you fold your load, it’s like a crease cut”) bars, fierce punchlines and ferocious wordplay.
Verdict: T Top (W) 1-0
Favorite line: T Top – “Ya grandmama shaking her head, that’s a mean bump”
Recap: T-Rex scoops up that out-of-state money with relative ease, showing off his ‘vet flow’ with a nice mix of braggadocio (“Ask about Rex, I been hard, besides rap, sliding in and out them hoes back like a sim card”) rhymes and gritty punchlines, to score a win over local spitter Detour, who was clearly better at the jokes than he was the bars.
Verdict: T-Rex (W) 1-0
Favorite line: T-Rex – “He ain’t ready for all that, I’m Michael Vick I bring the cameras right where I buried your dog at”
Recap: Let’s start this one off by acknowledging a tremendous start what with a very solid 1st round by both JC and Yung Ill in this battle. However, while JC’s steady aggression and rich (“To know that they gonna keep losing, you ain’t gotta be half psychic, they like Shine and Guerilla Black writing, ‘cuz they talk B.I.G., but don’t rap like it!”) set-ups were nice, his want for taking on the whole St. Louis battle scene was light when compared to Ill’s more direct style points, dope basketball references and exquisite (“See, that’s what striking a nerve, ‘cuz y’all got they new nigga’s believing they us, not Autumn [all them], but Summer Fall [some will] for thinking they with us, they not seasoned enough”) wordplay. 2nd round was a dead giveaway by Ill, short with average lines that weren’t even trying to impress and JC stepped it to take full advantage with delicious punchlines and a couple of roundhouse (“Miss me with that bullshit about solidifying the spot, ‘cuz this year I’m just making sure that all you crybaby nigga’s start…dropping a tear [tier]”!) haymakers to easily even things up going into the final round. Last round is too close to call with Ill landing with overzealous jokes, gritty punchlines and hilarious (“You pop-locked, dropped and gyrated for a grown man and I ain’t gonna hype it, but it made it worse when you smiled and said…’I hope you like it!”) performance bars/dance moves to mock JC’s infamous Chris Stokes video. But with JC earnestly displaying that he came to win, it’s the kid from Michigan’s more steady wordplay and ferocious (“Nigga you are faker than every Contra gun…lame ass, and your girl go shopping, she bring both y’all shit back in the same bag!”) personals that earns the young’un a debatable against a wiry vet.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: JC – “That’s why these fuck nigga’s frontin’, you Will Smith, Ali, just active [action], but throwing another nigga’s punches!”
Recap: Logic tried and tried to use personals to invalidate Jay Rell street credibility, and while it was funny at times it got repetitive towards the end. Then too, a delicious combo of nice (“I punched through his right side and knocked left his right side silly, he gonna Ice Cube’s and TLC, he need a Westside connect to keep his Left Eye chilly”) schemes, hot bars and congenial wordplay will beat 3 rounds of one-dimensional angles any day of the week.
Verdict: Jay Rell (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Jay Rell – “Screwdriver to his mouth part have him talking out his neck like a Canadian from South Park”
Synopsis: Gotta love the crowd here, going crazy and supporting their man as he attempts to pull off an upset against a visiting, on the road SMACK rapper. And while Ave went in hard for the most part, a little too much filler in the 2nd half of his round combined with JJDD using a beyond tired Multiple Choice scheme made this battle closer than what it should be. Yet, on the nice side JJDD’s bars and schemes were more condensed (plus, I don’t think he stole any bars here) and what with Ave’s slip-up towards the end, JJDD edges it in the end.
Verdict: John John da Don (W) 1-0
Favorite line: John John da Don – I’m strapped like a Tyler Perry shoot, I’m so live, naw, I’m strapped like a parachute, I’m so fly, naw, I’m strapped so I can perish u, that mean u gon’ die, naw, I’m strapped like a pair of shoes, that don’t tie”
Synopsis: Conceited versus Tsu Surf easily stands as one of the top 3 battle of 2012. After all, everything was here: fire bars, dope punchlines, (Con: “It’s a good thing you put those rhymes in subtitles ‘cuz nobody wants to hear them!”) personals, hot performance bars, ill schemes, nice-set-ups, stinging wordplay, a close, intimate atmosphere that intensified the battle and even a couple of light rebuttals by Surf. Somewhat debatable altogether, but Surf gets the edge here for these reasons: Surf going toe-to-toe with a punchline feen in Con, less overall filler and more (“Question: ‘If all your money is on your outfit then what the fuck is in your pocket?!'”) bite and versatility with his bars/schemes. That makes for Surf edging the first two rounds, while losing the 3rd because it was too short. Still, credit to both Surf and Con for putting on a great show.
Verdict: Tsu Surf (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Tsu Surf – “What you about to say, Jersey lost the Nets?, good nigga, the best shooters still in my hood nigga!”
Synopsis: Who are all these “American rappers” who keep Crome in their mouth? Anyway, when asked who was the worst rappers he’s faced, Arsonal mentioned Illmac and this guy Crome. Funny that, because Crome actually wasn’t that bad here, esp. with the way he kept pointing out Arsonal’s sometimes racist fuckery in round 2 and pulled Ars’ time (and ‘G’) card in round 3. But despite choking in the 3rd round, Ars edged the first two with enough disrespectful lines (“Your ex bitch….she flat-chested with no ass, so you be humping what?, I’ll fuck that bitch in a jacuzzi full of suds and tell her now you got a bubble butt”) and better, consistent bars to edge it in the end.
Verdict: Arsonal (W) 2-1
Best line: Crome – “And I’m tired of you talking about Hollow da Don and how you chalked him out in Fight Klub, what’s the first and the second rule of Fight Klub?, ‘We do not talk about Fight Klub!'”
Recap: In a battle that featured a gang of fiery schemes, nasty personals, fire set-ups, flexing punchlines and some dope wordplay/storytelling, after a debatable 1st round, a slightly more condensed Couture uses a vicious tranny-angled 2nd round, a host of indirect bars from opponent Jada Raye and some boastful barbs to take both of the latter rounds for the win in this 3-rounder from QOTR.
Verdict: Couture (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Couture – “But when the teacher said form a boy’s and girl’s line, Latrell sat in the middle…confused!
Synopsis: Crazy battle with Ah Di Boom and Show Off (“Well go ahead, lurk in them shadows, creep on me, I’ll pop and squeeze it, I’m Posterepedic, sleep on me!”) getting heated and delivering aggressive bars with dope flows and loaded schemes. However, Boom slips up in the 3rd, allowing Show Off to stay banging with the potent bars, come from behind and take the win. Indeed, Show Off’s comeback was so point that you can almost forgive him for pulling a Frank Ocean and singing to another man in round 1.
Verdict: Show Off (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ah Di Boom – “Walk on the scene, throw the shells in my jeans, that’s the definition of hot pockets”
Recap: Despite failing to impress the dude with the Flyers sweater on (I don’t think he broke his poker face once during the entire battle), this was still a decent battle between Skelly and Daylyt. Skelly stepping it up with aggressive bars and Daylyt taking a battle seriously with witty bars and comedic (“I wet backs, Pablo!”)
personals. Close throughout, but the guy with the mask wins it due to more variety with is bars.
Verdict: Daylyt (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Daylyt – “Canibus flow, the pad blew up!”
Recap: Besides a close 1st round this one was really no contest as Jaz The Rapper’s seismic schemes, potent wordplay, well-lit personals and piercing punchlines easily beat back a QB (Black Diamond) that you rarely see: little on the disrespect and more focused on bars that in this case were mostly pedestrian. Not that QB lacked on her notorious aggression, but a strategy that seemed bent on bully semantics and her opponent’s sex life, while hitting here and there, just got redundant over time and especially cost her when it came to elongated turns in both the 1st and 2nd rounds. On the other hand, overall a more versatile Jaz just had too much in her bag what with not only the aforementioned darts, but also witty barbs, fire rebuts for the virgin angles, fierce storytelling lines, scheming tutorials on battle rap and to the surprise of some, a pretty hip knowledge of football (and more) which would lead to some flexing sport schemes and ably assist in Jaz earning the 30.
Verdict: Jaz The Rapper (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Jaz The Rapper – “You said you’d kill me?, you lied, but you said you would kill me without talking about my virginity?, so those was both lies, ‘cuz if you had [???] at a horror flick you would know that virgins don’t die!”
Recap: Damn! I hate declaring ties, but after a couple of watches it was clear that this one could go either way with Syahboy clearly taking round 2 and Zay taking round 3, you’re only left with a very close and debatable round 1. Close battles usually make for dope battles tho, so in this case you can’t lose no matter who you think won.
Verdict: TIE
Best line: Lotta Zay – “…Wiz could leave ya with a wig missing like Amber Rose”
Recap: This is the version of K-Shine that’s damn near impossible to beat: exquisite execution, on-point delivery, a consistently confident performance, wicked (“…she asked me to freestyle, so I came off the top”) wordplay, potent (“I got that .40 in a bag like a wino, and I don’t fuck with Blanks, I ain’t never deal with tae bo”) bars after bars and even an on-the-spot rebuttal mixed in. All in all a schooling session for an aggressive, but mostly average J-Money and a bodybag for K-Shine.
Verdict: K-Shine (W) 1-0
Favorite line: K-Shine – “Nigga point me to the money, I need all of it, I’ll make a movie with that uzi, you can star in it!”
Recap: Dope 1-round, One Off between 40 B.A.R.R.S. and Young Gattas features plenty of ringing mayhem, spicy wordplay and spitfire punchlines. Hopefully, they’ll come back for 3 rounds one day, but in the meantime, a slightly more consistently gritty and versatile Gattas gets the edge here.
Verdict: Gattas (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Gattas – “You lose to everybody, I ain’t about to be The First 48 [40 ate]!”
Recap: In this 3-rounder from Smack/URL, a rare choke by Chilla Jones in the final round ends up being moot as frankly speaking B. Magic was just about unbeatable here. Indeed, especially during the 1st half of his 2nd round and versus a scheme-heavy and personal-mocking Jones who up until he had to quit due to memory loss in the 3rd, was pretty solid throughout, Magic just left earth with a boatload of spitfire punchlines (the Mysonne line will live on forever), witty personals/anecdotes and sizzling name flips that all worked together to enforce a shutout.
Verdict: B-Magic (W) 3-0
Favorite line: B-Magic – “It’s B. Magic muthafucka, acknowledge me, big straps that’ll take that back like apologies!”
Synopsis: As impressive as Bigg K’s round 1 was, so too was Rosenberg’s last 2 rounds, which combined with K’s stumble in round 3, got Rosenberg Raw the win here. Personals factor in as much as any other category within rap battles in my book and not only did Raw hold his own bar wise, but putting Bigg K on blast for dissing Smack (but then showing up “4 weeks” later to battle on URL) as well as showing up for his Ill Will battle (instead of his brother’s funeral….which Bigg K would later deny, tho he stated it on record) shows you what an inspired and highly prepared Rosenberg (“Instead he out here chasing battles, see what they do for views?”) can do against a talented newcomer.
Verdict: Rosenberg (W) 2-1
Best line: Bigg K – “30/30 with the red beam giving hickey’s (???), my vision is 20/20, six eyes like Mississippi, but I said I got this 30/30 with 20/20 vision did you dig me?, when it blast I’mma split you in half, 50/50”
Recap: While she lost the 1st round thanks to a couple of ill rebuttals from her more versatile opponent, for the first round anyway, a just-as-disrespectful, witty and (“9 months later your father put on some lip gloss and came out!”) scheme/bar-heavy Dekay held her own against the flippant stylings of Uno Lavoz. But then the rest of the battle happened and from there it was a wash. As in front of a spirited and high-energy London crowd, Uno went in for the kill with a classic 2nd round that put the DM in downright mean what with hilarious (“I mean your mom killed so many fucking babies, she the only bitch that go to abortion clinics and have reserved parking!”) abortion jokes galore and other frenzied personals that could make a girl cry, before edging the 3rd with a none-too-clean, but solid turn that beat back what was a subpar round from Dekay.
Verdict: Uno Lavoz (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Uno Lavoz – “No bitch, it’s called being creative, being unique and coming up with some of the wildest thoughts, but I forgot this bitch used to be homeless so I guess it’s hard for her to think outside the box!”
Recap: The Real Ace Boogie gets an ‘A’ for effort, but the lack of intricacy within his bars stood no chance against the fiery personals, punches and 4-bars set-ups of Rum Nitty.
Verdict: Rum Nitty (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Rum Nitty – “You pass wack, a nigga need to die, play the herb, I get mad, snap. let an eagle fly…angry bird!”
Recap: From Cartel Life, a bunch of pretty solid punches, fiery gun bars, modest name flips and hitting personals from O’fficial gets her all 3 rounds over a raucous, but not quite as consistently hitting or versatile Yung Nite.
Verdict: O’fficial (W) 3-0
Favorite line: O’fficial – “I’m Bruh Man, holding up that .4 to let that 5th flow [floor]!”
Recap: While this battle will mostly be remembered for all the Spanish/Mexican jokes Tay Roc spit at Cortez (which is out of ordinary for a gun bar fiend like Roc), it’s definitely one of those battles can upon a first look could be seen as highly debatable–yet it’s not just what shows up on the stat sheet that decides who won and who loss and this one of those examples. I got Roc taking the 1st round as while Cortez stayed aggressive and dropped a few (“I’m cooking rock [Roc], but ain’t nothing crack about you”) shiners, for the most part his bars contained too much filler and were just average in potency. On the other Roc had perhaps his best round with nice wordplay, aggressive gun bars and better (“These bullets play Temple Run, why get the phone app?”) punches throughout. Cortez stepped it up in the second round coming harder with the performance, feelgood Dot Mobb personals (“You ain’t a hustler, how’d you hustle and move keys?, you’ze a worker, you got 5 hundred for QP’s”) and this time hitting with more force on the wordplay and friendly (“You in the building but Randy’s taking your house payments”) tutorials. For Roc’s part, while his battle rapper name schemes in round two worked, they could’ve used against anybody. Better instead was Roc’s ethnic lines (“I’ll do a Mexican dirty, I’m desperado with that guitar case”) even if he had the wrong race (which Tez effectively rebutted in round 3). Round 3 saw Cortez set the tone challenging Roc to go ‘bar for bar’ and winning with gems like “Look me in the eyes I’m like God, I’m taking caps off, they type small” and witty (“Let’s talk about his clique, a bunch of ass-grabbers, none of them ashamed, it makes sense because all cavemen cuddle by a flame”) personals that even had Roc smirking. Roc’s 3rd was nice and had some hard-hitting bars, but some of his lines were a little too predictable (esp. with the continued Mexican jokes) and featured schemes (esp. the “Cortezmanian devil”) that didn’t hit at all. Close throughout, but Cortez edges it.
Verdict: Cortez (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Tay Roc – “Rex and K-Shine, I spar with them, it’s no comp with him, I’ll target him, I go harder than 8,000 army men, a tank and a ship, airplane, I’ll Pearl Harbor him”
Recap: DNA’s 1st apperarance for the UK’s Don’t Flop league is an impressive one as the Queens, NY battler flexes during a condensed trio of rounds with a barrage of pinpoint name flips, hard-hitting personals, righteous banter, fire rebuttals and stinging punchlines/4-bar set-ups to take the opening rounds (call the 3rd debatable) and earn the win over Sensa who while serving up 3 rounds of gritty raps, outside of round 3 often times took too long to get to the punch, when he wasn’t spitting one too many pedestrian lines.
Verdict: DNA (W) 2-1
Favorite line: DNA – “Now I’d like to commend Sensa’s opponent’s, ‘cuz they spit a lot of clever lines on you, I’m just trying to figure out how you ain’t rich in London when you got all those pounds on you!”
Recap: Displaying some wit and some fire bars, Lil Decent was…decent, until he choked, 1st in the second round and surprisingly again in the 3rd. That’s a bodybag for Stuey Newton, who with some potent schemes, steely, aggressive bars, nice gun bars and a few Martin jokes, had this one in the bank anyway, even if he did rap too long in the 3rd.
Verdict: Stuey Newton (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Stuey Newton – “I ain’t gonna lie tho, I feel kinda bad for murking you, ‘cuz that peach fuzz said you just hit puberty and I know your ID still vertical!”
Synopsis: Hey, John John was actually pretty original here, what with his own consistently nice bars, some fresh wordplay, funny personals and wait for it….a WHOLE battle without recycling someone’s bars. But despite the occasional struggle with is delivery when you’re dropping haymaker (“You a African American, that lost to a white man on Black Entertainment Television”) after haymaker (“Walk up to the body, give him that ‘Is he dead kick?'”) after haymaker (“another 6 foot nigga’ with a death wish, sawed off shotty shooting out breadsticks”) along with dope name flips while mocking JJDD’s style carried with consistent aggression as K-Shine reps here, you really don’t stand much of a chance.
Verdict: K-Shine (W) 2-1
Best Line: K-Shine – “Straight out of Locash stupid lil nigga named John John, Twin 40’s got em looking like pom poms, have this nigga sticking up, Einstein, that 6 clap push his wig back call him bron bron”
WTF: Yeah that’s Bow Wow on the stage in the hoodie supporting John John.
Recap: A spitfire beverage scheme in the 2nd round by Cali Smoov is the highlight of this 3-round AHAT battle. But overall, against the mostly subpar raps of Juice, Smoov really didn’t need much more than the aggressive heaters and the earnest, but daunting punchlines that he rolled up with to make his brief hiatus from battle rap a successful one.
Verdict: Cali Smoov (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Cali Smoov – “All my heaters like shell-toe Adidas…a shell in the front!”
Recap: Specializing in rampant mayhem that even includes your kids when he’s not doing everything he can to destroy the nuclear family, a sociopathic Danny Myers out-punches opponent Louie V for 3 rounds in this mostly one-sided battle from AHAT.
Verdict: Danny Myers (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Danny Myers – “Your baby mother ain’t nuthin’ but a ho to creep, but I quit fucking her ‘cuz your son never go to sleep!”
Synopsis: One could see why Ah Di Boom would be a bit upset at this matchup, which takes place early in his career and is clearly a less polished (and even less animated) version of the Boom we see now. Whatever the case, you battle the guy in front of you, and in this case, Boom’s filler was no match for prez mafia’s swag, consistency, delivery and righteous bars.
Verdict: prez mafia (W) 1-0
Best line: prez mafia – “It’s time to get slim because I bet you you stink, I’ll give you a brick right here if you face your fears right now and down a whole vegetable drink”
Recap: A home league battle drenched with a lot of personals gets deciphered on the quality of the bars instead of what’s true or not true. That said, as much as J. Juice’s street flow came off unique and biting, R Streez’s versatility and his ability to spout more haymaker’s, got him this one.
Verdict: R Streetz (W) 1-0
Favorite line: R Streetz – “I’ll give him a buck-fifty like I’m riding the bus!”
Recap: One of the best performances you’ll see from Arsonal, gets done for via his own doing: being too lengthy (and no, we’re talking filler, but redundancy). Indeed, with a near equal amount of haymakers as his just-as-vibrant, witty, personal-lit, mayhem-bent and lyrically sharp opponent Shotty Horror in a battle that should go down as one of the best of the year, it’s a more condensed Shotty who edges the first two rounds for the win, before Arsonal matches quality with excess quantity during a highly entertaining (on both sides) superb 3rd round (that included a spitfire alphabet scheme from Ars) to avoid the shutout.
Verdict: Shotty Horroh (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Shotty Horror – “U Are Ill, that’s why u hate Smack!”
Recap: Although he got better as the round progressed, a slow start and elongated set-ups spoil any chance Yung Skillz (who did in fact have an impromptu battle against DNA a couple of years back) has to take this one from an ever-confident, consistent, witty and punchline-heavy J. Murda.
Verdict: J. Murda (W) 1-0
Favorite line: J. Murda – “I was with a BB gun, and now we use real steel like Hugh Jackman”
Recap: Too much extra shit in the room somewhat spoils a good matchup between Hazey and Nuborn. Both rappers connect with nice punchlines, schemes and fleeting personals throughout, but Nuborn spazzed a little harder and used more angles. And despite negatively adding to his reputation by slipping-up (and bizarrely complaining about his opponent’s time limit) again, you can partly blame all the distractions and interruptions for this one.
Verdict: Nuborn (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Nuborn – “Nigga you so fat you look like you snore when you wide awake”
Recap: Chris Kane came with plenty of biting personals (which QP rebuked), but drawn-out schemes and basic bars wasn’t enough to beat QP’s hitting bars even on a day he put in that light work…literally.
Verdict: QP (W) 1-0
Favorite line: QP – “You worse than Udonis Haslem because you hold down that Heat for nothing”
Synopsis: Certainly O-Solo was always entertaining in Fight Klub and there’s no way one can’t appreciate Arsonal’s dedication to Jersey (even he’s since moved to Louisiana and now Atlanta), but from jumpstreet this had bodybag written all over it and sadly that’s all it ended up being. If anything this is a lesson in leaving whatever little hometown respect your legacy has…to ya hometown.
Verdict: Swave Sevah (W) 3-0
Best line: Swave Sevah – “My nigga I’m a real nigga fam, I attack from a different standpoint, so fuck all these alien sound effects, talk to me in your man voice”
WTF Moment: That gay-ass slap on the back from O-Solo’s hypeman in round 2.
Recap: Punchlines, mayhem, fiery schemes/name flips and personals galore make JC versus AQ (aka Amazin Quality) an entertaining 3-round battle. But a more intricate, less predictable, potent and wordplay/gun bar-heavy JC does more than enough in the first two rounds to take each one in the end.
Verdict: JC (W) 2-1
Favorite line: JC – “Now go ahead and start some shit, you gonna see me spark some shit and that Tommy gonna get his crib cleared out like it got Martin pissed!”
Synopsis: Really, what’s not to like about T-Rex since he lost to Math Hoffa a couple of years ago? After all, an inspired Rex belongs in anyone’s Top 5, what with swag, attitude and “grown man” bars (“them shotgun shells is red and lime green, when I squeeze it look like a Gucci crime scene”) that only a true vet knows how to bring. Add everybody’s favorite Summer Madness punching bag, A-Verb (who wasn’t as bad here as he was the year before against Charlie Clips, if that’s saying much) to the mix and Diddy dropping $10K on that 2nd round, and all you’re left with is quality battle rap perfection (well, except for that ass-grabbing).
Verdict: T-Rex (W) 3-0
Best line: T-Rex – “I’ll ride through Verb hood and get his whole team wet, ayo Diddy, I’ma confess to the body 10 years later, I’m like G-Dep!”
Instant classic: Tec-9’s “Get that nigga Rex!!!”
Recap: X-Factor looks on as Jay Rell scores another easy victory on his way to the URL/Proving Grounds.
Verdict: Jay Rell (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Jay Rell – “You have 15 battles and 9 losses, that’s not the kind of record he should celebrate, You know what him and Detroit public schools got in common?, they both a 70 percent failure rate”
Recap: Good battle, great energy on both sides throughout and Nov came especially hard in round 1, but Big Kannon’s ability to spit rebuttals, his creativity in battling the ‘fro and his more consistently hot bars in addition to a stellar performance gave him the win.
Verdict: Big Kannon (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Big Kannon – “….His uncle, dad, brother and nephew, gotdammit you got pussy all in your genes [jeans] your like a camel toe”
Recap: Quick 1-rounder featuring Pottstown, PA battler Driese against Norristown, PA battler Bill Collector is a rapid and gritty punchfest that the more consistently hard-hitting BC handily wins to take one home for his city.
Verdict: Bill Collector (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Bill Collector – “You don’t even be outside, you in the window, binoculars, nosy ass, neighborhood watch!”
Synopsis: To think, how many people used to respect E. Ness’ grind back in the day when he battled Jay Millz on MTV and walked all the way to Brooklyn to get that cheeseburger for Puff on Making The Band. Then some years later he works his way up to and receives “legends” status here, returns on a card and disrespects DNA all throughout his rounds, while expecting to win a battle where he spouts what is arguably the worst line in battle rap history?!? That shit is just nutty. To think, we’ve seen way better from DNA who was just alright here. Thus, the body comes from Ness being that bad.
Verdict: DNA (W) 3-0
Worst line: E-Ness – “I’m crazier than crazy glue!”
Recap: Versatile and landing hard throughout with the fiery personals, rapid punchlines and gritty schemes, Cityy Towers gets the win by taking the 1st and 3rd round here over an aggressive and /scheme/punch-steady, but inconsistent Lexx Luthor.
Verdict: Cityy Towers (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Cityy Towers – “I’ll hit him with that ‘k’, just to show him I don’t text back!”
