No Bias. No Narratives.
Mister Greco Recap: In a totally one-sided matchup, the very basic and pedestrian bars of C-Boy Folgaz whittle down to lint when put up against a slow-to-start-but-eventually turned-up Young Kannon’s fiery gun bars and relentless punchlines.
Verdict: Young Kannon (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Young Kannon – “Your bitch gave me the fish, I went ham on that tilapia!”
Recap: In a battle for the name ‘Jay”….kidding. Jay Rell ventures outside of Detroit to get some competition and finds it in St. Louis’ Jayrone (who apparently doesn’t believe in not showing disloyalty in front of an outsider when he throws a few shots at Yung Ill), a hard spitter capable of tossing out that street (“I’m awfully hot, I start schemes plots for you small-ski twats”) shit along with plenty of guns bars and even a rebuttal here and there. Yet despite some stumbles here and there, Rell stays on point with enough jokes, punchlines and quality bars to win rounds 1 and 3 and take a win back to the D.
Verdict: Jay Rell (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Jay Rell – “You sleep under the Arch, you tell bitches you got incredible views!”
Synopsis: No disrespect to Mickey Factz, but I wouldn’t be so quick to call this battle a “classic”, yet it was still a dope and competitive barfest nonetheless. That said, while both Tone Montana and Super Writer dropped sizzling bars and more than represented for their camps, the choice here goes to Tone for being a little more consistently subpar (the DMX impression killed and the temple scheme was straight dope) throughout his rounds as opposed to Superwriter–that said this battle should’ve been 3 rounds.
Verdict: Tone Montana (W) 1-0
Best line: Super Writer – “At home Tone get on porn chats for the live chatting, baby oil in his left hand and his right spazzing, while smoking weed so you a terrorist ’cause you hi-jacking”
Part 2
Synopsis: “You make the worst life decisions!” Here’s why John John da Don gets hated on: stealing other people’s bars and for making ass-backwards decisions with his career like this one. I mean the idea that John John (or someone in his camp) thought it’d be a step forward to go back to “106 & Park” and battle after coming off what was easily his most popular battle with Hitman Holla, just makes absolutely no sense. Zip. None. Nada. Battling on 106 & Park is a beginners move, not something you do when you’re already established. And for that JJDD got what he deserved: a bodybag from some unknown white dude on Black Entertainment Television.
Verdict: Voss (W) 2-0
Best line: Voss – “I ain’t lying with those ears you could probably feed Mike Tyson for a year”
Synopsis: The underrated T Money Bagz pulls off an upset against S.O.N.S. vet Heartless who besides slipping up in the first round, just couldn’t deliver enough punchlines, metaphors and wordplay to keep up with Bagz’ aggression, storytelling and potent bars.
Verdict: T Money Bagz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Heartless – “Man I heard about you and that little boy, you oughtta be ashamed that nigga was nine, Michael Jackson, you was all in Billy’s jeans, trying to Beat It, Bad, but you Remember the Time”
Synopsis: This battle really comes down to who won the 1st round, because Clips (clearly, no debating!) won 2nd round while Jones (clearly, no debating!!!) won the 3rd. With that said, here’s why I think Serius got the ‘W’ here: his “Yeah, nine years ago I was a barber, so you know I know how to handle clips” rebuttal at the beginning of round one, while short, cancelled all of Clips barbershop jokes and in my book rebuttals earn you extra brownie points. Combine that with Clips choking at the end of round 3 (mind you, Clips is a freestyle king and in my book choking not only loses you the round, but earns you some demerits too), while you still have a classic battle, but give it to Serius by a nose.
Verdict: Serius Jones (W) 2-1
Best line: Charlie Clips – the whole house scheme was straight fire
Recap: That “smell like a free clinics” line in round 2 by 40 B.A.R.R.S. here was mean…and funny. And damn if 40 didn’t kill that 3rd round, name flip-spazzing and punching with authority throughout what was a spitfire turn. Then too, for all the heat 40 took for those chilling personals towards Tori Doe on the topic of abortion? Hey, it’s battle rap. On the other side of things, she might just be 85 pounds, but when she’s on her A-game Tori Doe can spit like a giant. Indeed, in this fierce QOTR 3-rounder, Tori straight stunted on her opponent throughout the battle with a versatile, consistently spicy, performance-rich, NYC-scheme lit, brazen, condensed and personally salacious showing that with nary a dry spot edged her the first couple of rounds for the win.
Verdict: Tori Doe (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Tori Doe – “I’ll flash the heat on this old bitch so quick she’ll think it was menopause!”
Recap: An undeniable classic, JC versus Chilla Jones served as the pinnacle of new, hungry and younger talent with a knack for substance, versatility and flexing wordplay with their bars. Starting with a superb 1st round, both battlers would display tremendous moxie with their lines with an uber-confident JC dropping a series of stinging (“I’ma tell this fag actor once: get out of line, pass or bump, I’ma react with the fastest punch, they ain’t gon’ have no choice but to turn this bitch from Smack to Snuff!”) punchlines when he wasn’t dishing some hard-hitting name flipping and prodigious mayhem. However, having already shown himself to be one of the better schemers in the game, Chilla wouldn’t disappoint, the Boston spitter spouting a gang of spitfire schemes, ripping personals and roundhouse (“You rep Pontiac on that G shit, but you don’t own a gun, liar, so I’ma give this G six for y’all thinkin’ that son fire!”) punches to edge round 1 before JC would take advantage of a couple of dry spots from his opponent and come through with a (“It’s an honor for you to meet me, I’m the next problem, run in your crib, pop your mom: I’m your step father!”) punch-heavy and while making fun of Chilla’s rap style, a mockingly sanguine turn to edge the 2nd round. Tied going into the 3rd round of a battle that already had the crowd buzzing throughout, both battlers would step it up during their final turns with a boatload of piercing darts, sizzling wordplay, more heavy-handed schemes from Chilla and stunted gun bars from JC. Yet,with an astute and (“What, you gon’ flip and spazz out? Bitch, don’t try us, there’s four niggas in each car with about six mo’ riders, we heavy armed, like Precious, extend mo’ fire!”) haymaker-drenched 3rd that was flawless in its execution (i.e., a classic), despite another pretty solid turn by (“See, this a loss you shoulda planned for, but we all know you’re good with defeat [da feet], we all seen you on the dance floor!”) Jones, it’s JC who earns the win here.
Verdict: JC (W) 2-1
Favorite line: JC – “I’m tryna get his whole strip wet, he was cruising till his ship wrecked, hit me, you gon’ get hit next, stomp him but leave him choices, Timberland or Nike? Face the tree or get chin checked?!”
Recap: Yeah, it’s Dizaster versus a professional comedian in Rick Glassman. But it’s a hosted battle and the freestyles dished from both battlers during the 2 rounds were authentic. And while Glassman for the most part didn’t seem to take the battle as seriously as his opponent, Diz’s off-the-dome, roasting session zingers still helped him put another ‘W’ in the win column.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Dizaster – “Look at this muthafucka looking at me like he ain’t cool, you’re scaring me bro, you look like you’re about to shoot up a school!”
Recap: Yeah, I gotta agree: taking care of your family is a much bigger priority than fixing your teeth. Still, for all his sometimes witty, but redundant tooth jokes, a mostly tepid X-Factor, while seemingly having the tools (personals, jokes, etc.), just didn’t know what to do with O-Red, who with a fiery barrage of mocking personals, fire schemes and fierce punchlines/wordplay, took out his opponent’s moxie early, left him talking to himself and left with an easy win.
Verdict: O-Red (W) 3-0
Favorite line: O-Red – “I’m a muthafuckin’ boss, Rick Ross couldn’t see O [C.O.]!”
Recap: Good battle, liked the aggressive bars, delivery and execution with both, too bad Push Pax saved his best round for his 3rd as I had Show Off edging the 1st and clearly taking the 2nd.
Verdict: Show Off (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Show Off – “And I ain’t spitting B.I.G when I say ‘Gimme the Loot’, like I’ll December 25th ’em, clap, shell from the biscuit fell, blast scorch knock half off, that’s a Christmas sale”
Recap: In an aggressive battle that might as well have been a 3-way what with all the QB (Black Diamond) mentions, after a debatable 1st round that saw Streamz raucous bangers hit with enough effect to equal Bonnie Godiva’s punch-lit, but not always direct (again, blame QB who happened to be in the audience) go-around, Bonnie gets the win via a series of hard-hitting personals, piercing punchlines/storytelling bars and fiery schemes to handily take both of the latter rounds over her still grimy, but much less substantive opponent.
Verdict: Bonnie Godiva (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bonnie Godiva – “The only time you ever held a gun? Price check!”
Recap: Full of conviction with his raps, while unloading a versatile mix of spicy punches, witty barbs and fiery schemes, Lynx Montana’s effort here could never be question. But damn if the Puerto-Rican rapper didn’t run into a B-Magic that was on his A-game throughout this 3-rounder from Scheme Street. The St. Louis battler consistently in his bag with a gang of piercing punchlines, some sizzling wordplay, steely mayhem and for the 3rd round only, jaunty name flips to earn a 30.
Verdict: B-Magic (W) 3-0
Favorite line: B-Magic – “Boy, you think you’re on ya grizzly with these gay schemes, you’ll get more hawks when I go rampage on A-team, still lying in front of ya temple like Beijing!”
Recap: Showing off some superb bar execution and fine set-ups/breakdowns, all the while ridiculing his opponent Arsonal’s alleged lack of bar efficiency throughout the bout, mixing in some witty barbs, rough bully talk, stinging personals (esp. during a and performance-rich punches (not including some shots at the Dot Mobb crew), Math Hoffa flexes with a versatile game of bullish lyrical heat (esp. during a potent round 2 where he took shots at Arsonal and Murda Mook) to beat back a punch-bent and witty at times, but mostly pedestrian and elongated Arsonal for all 3 rounds of this main event matchup from UW Battle League.
Verdict: Math Hoffa (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Math Hoffa – “You did the ABC’s in your last battle, that’s why I feel blessed we could meet, ‘cuz I got a question…could you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?!”
Synopsis: Even a tired JC can drop enough dope bars and punchlines to beat a way-too-cocky rapper who continually goes past the time limits, uses a horrible “state” scheme.and disrespects his opponent’s skills throughout the battle. Just not hospitable.
Verdict: JC (W) 2-1
Favorite line: JC – “You need a judge, I’ll be him, somebody get this man, he don’t know what reppin’ [weapon] his state ment is till he hit the witness stand, but you will be put to the test if I see the defenses jam, there’s no witness, so you get sentenced soon as you bang that hammer, you finish yo last sentence…”
Synopsis: Ah Di Boom edges Nova Greezy with better creativity (that 2-finger gun scheme was nice), performance and wordplay.
Verdict: Ah Di Boom (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Ah Di Boom – “What you trying to rock?, I should show you guns and roses, you beefing with me, you better have lungs {breathes} like Moses”
Synopsis: Tech-9 (who just looks like he doesn’t have the same hunger for battle rap as he used to) needs to come up with a better ending to his rounds than calling opponents “clown-ass dickheads”–for example, he could just yell “Time!” Besides that Bill Collector got this, putting on a better performance, mixed in with funny impressions, some nice bars/crowd pleasers (“….Bill Collector who you stabbed? Carlton Banks!”) and probably becoming the first battle rapper to spit his bars while sitting down. Now that’s historic.
Verdict: Bill Collector (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bill Collector – “Baby mom the bomb, nominate her for best knees”
Recap: Really, it’s not that serious. Here we find what looked to be building up to a decent battle between T Top and R Streetz, get spoiled by heads in the crowd taking things a little too personally. Reminder: it’s a rap battle people and heads who can’t differentiate between entertainment and real life shit could do us all a favor by just staying home.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: T Top – “The armor clap will send this army brat back to Iraq”
Recap: In battle rap, a veteran giving a new blood a shot goes all the way back to the legendary Busy Bee famously letting Kool Moe Dee get on the mike to roast him after one of Bee’s performances in what was alleged to have been the 1st one-on-one battle ever. So all these years later, Hitman Holla providing up-n-comer John John Da Don with a shot on the big Webster Hall stage just continues a long-standing tradition. But unlike the fabled Moe Dee vs. Busy Bee battle, outside of a pretty dope and highly entertaining 1st round from both battlers, this one was a bit of a letdown as both Hitman and JJDD suffered from a boatload of pedestrian bars and subpar angles that even led to some boos from the crowd in the latter rounds. Ironically, with a punchline-heavier JJDD taking the 2nd round and practically giving away the 3rd round by spending half his turn delivering some tedious pontifications to Holla, it’s the 1st round that would end up deciding this battle. And the edge here goes to Hitman, the St. Louis vet standing out with a classic turn that featured some dope punchlines/schemes, sublime crowd control, stunting anecdotes/wordplay, performance-heavy heat, witty personals and a seismic/patented remix that altogether when placed head-to-head against JJDD’s hard-hitting at times, personal-lit and scheme-heavy, but also a bit of an imitative turn that would lose him the round and the battle.
Verdict: Hitman Holla (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Hitman Holla – “Cock that 4-5 like fuck it, give him 9 more, turn his apple to seeds, see what they call him John for, Johnny Appleseed]s all over, bring the pine, boy, shout out to my nigga, free Hollow, he ain’t Da Don boy!”
Recap: In this 3-rounder from Alliance Battle League, the standard, braggadocio raps of Yung Bank$ quickly melt in the face of Stuey Newton’s sizzling schemes, potent name flips and hitting punches.
Verdict: Stuey Newton (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Stuey Newton – “You look like a nigger who owe money, so I’m a do ya like a nigger who owe money [so] if I find out that you owe money, I’m a come rob you and put a hit out on you with your own money!”
Recap: Despite a few witty barbs and nice punches here and there, too many slip-ups and pedestrian bars from Squeako, leaves Ave with a whole lot of room to do work, which he pulls off with a boatload of rapid fire punchlines, stinging personals and gritty tutorial raps to get an easy win in this 3-rounder from 7 Cities Sharks.
Verdict: Ave (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Ave – “You washed and you look just like Bosh…before the Heat deal!”
Recap: Here we find that lyrically Calicoe doesn’t so much outshine Metta as he does aggressively and performance-wise with more heat in his rounds per bar than his opponent.
Verdict: Calicoe (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Calicoe – “You one of those gay crooks that be a lookout for your boys during a robbery, and be in the hood bragging about what they took”
Recap: In this 1-rounder versus K-Shine, Anymal gets off to a gritty and solid (liked the ‘you tried to refund a tattoo’ line) start before suddenly choking, leaving Shine’s turn of righteous name flips, rigid personals and fiery punches with an easy win.
Verdict: K-Shine (W) 1-0
Favorite line: K-Shine – “The camera crew, people that’s viewing you and the watchers know, I’m a leave here with Animal on my back, I’m King Jaffe Jo!”
Synopsis: With his size and girth it’s easy to see why Suge would choose the “bully” lane while battling. But putting aside what he’s really done (or not done) outside the battle arena, not showing up in Detroit a couple of years ago after that disrespectful and distasteful Proof diss was another huge stain on his battle career and even his ghetto pass. Thus, seeing Swave pull Shotgun’s bully card throughout this battle had to be a delight for anyone outside of Jersey.
Verdict: Swave Sevah (W) 3-0
Best line: TIE – Shotgun Suge: “Swave you came with those gargles like you ready for combat, no, you wear glasses because you scared of contact” and Swave Sevah – “I bet if he read something out loud it would make all us laugh, the type of nigga you text him right and he’ll call you back!”
Instant classic: Math Hoffa cutting through the crowd and coming out on stage after being called out by Suge.
Synopsis: Sorry, but this battle doesn’t get near enough credit for being pretty damn good. Yet that’s clearly due to all the Mook haters out there who refuse to give Mook props even when he brings his a-game. In addition ($30k combined non-withstanding), there’s plenty of plotlines and subliminals at play here to keep you entertained throughout. Like why it made much more sense for Mook to battle Math (or even Cassidy) here. Or Mook’s ingenious schemes. Or the 5 rounds being “too much” for a “legend” who hadn’t appeared on a battle stage in years and clearly had a lot of shit to get off his chest? Or how during the battle Cassidy crosses over from Solomon’s side to Mook’s. Or how disappointing Iron’s performance was here (tho he did have his moments). Or how Mook came at Smack in round 1. Or how Mook seemed to really be mad how Iron treated E. Ness in their battle not too long back. Or Mook adequately addressing all the haters and fellow battle rappers in round 4. Or all the borderline racist punchlines throughout. Or the biased crowd. Or the skittles. Or Diddy throwing in the towel after round 3. Or how Mook broke down Iron’s whole overrated career…which ended up getting him the W here, the personals were just too much.
Verdict: Murda Mook (W) 5-0
Best line: No so much a line, but Mook bringing this epic fail up during the battle was a lesson on how important it is to do your research on an opponent.
Instant classic: Mook telling the whole world that Solomon has one testicle.
Recap: Wittier with the pen and extra hard (and consistent) with his punches/personals, Boogie beats back a solid overall, but not as potent O’fficial in this 1-rounder from GotBarzTV.
Verdict: Boogie (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Boogie – “I love your thighs, but this chicken head is where I spread my duck sauce!:
Recap: Gwapo’s monotonous flow isn’t helped by his mostly lackluster rhymes, thus giving D Money’s more colorful bars, esp. in rounds 1 and 2, an easy win despite his shortened 3rd.
Verdict: D Money (W) 2-1
Favorite line: D Money – “I got a fact about his track, for starters he was all off-beat, rhyming on some sloppy shit, the type of nigga to steal his own bars, let’s just say he like to copy shit!”
Recap: Surviving a 1st round choke as well as opponent’s Tez witty barbs (that included some social media exposing in round 3) and gritty personals throughout the match, Piranha gets back on his grind with a spicy Looney Tunes scheme and a series of consistently nice, rapid fire punches in the latter rounds to beat back the less formidable Tez for the win.
Verdict: Piranha (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Piranha – “Speaking of rappers, this nigga talking like he extra ill?, this what Meek Mill would look like without the record deal!”
Recap: Two top tier emcees with the ability to readily mix in searing bully bars, fierce punchlines with adept wit in their bars, Pat Stay and Head ICE battle to a highly entertaining draw on the KOTD stage with an equal amount of haymakers making round 1 a tie, before a more gamely comedic, personal-driven and consistently fire Stay edges the 2nd. Down one going into the 3rd, ICE makes what would be his longest round count with some classic stunting that was backed by some salacious (“You’ll get chased in my hood, I’ll put money on it, just for stepping in them Esco jeans with your spandex shirt like ‘Let’s go eat!'”), punches to beat back a solid, but elongated and beatable turn by Pat and force a tie.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Pat Stay – “I mean it’s just weird, he gets charged with a felon, but his record is crystal clear, it’s like he slipped and dropped in quicksand, he fell and [felon] he disappeared!”
Recap: Honestly, what more can be said about this battle? Indeed, in what would not only turn out to be one of the greatest battle rap matches of all-time, but the witnessing of a man who rarely battles, Loaded Lux, be elevated to ‘God’ status amongst the entire battle rap community (and famously get quoted from the likes of Jay-Z) for his sterling performance here (and that’s even after Lux choked in his 1st round), this battle even had superstars within the hip-hop elite impressed, all the same elevating the battle rap platform as a whole. Of course, Calicoe has no one to blame but himself for being on the other end of Lux’s newfound status, as he was the one who had the gall to call Lux out of retirement in the first place–getting ‘Grey Hoodie Lux’ so amped and motivated to come through that he not only dressed up in a tux for the bout, but literally brought a whole funeral party with him. Still to be fair, throughout the years Cal has regularly shown that his bravado can rarely be questioned and coming off an epic 3-0 win versus Math Hoffa, why shouldn’t Cal at least ask for Lux?
That said, no sense wasting time by getting into semantics here. This was a clear 2-1 victory for Lux and despite a scheme-heavy Cal being pretty (“It don’t matter if you loaded Lux, when that gun on safety!”; “The first nigga who he got his his back, gonna die fronting!”) ) solid throughout (that is, when he wasn’t wasting bars spitting about other battlers). Yet, Cal only got the first round thanks to the aforementioned choke, which somewhat speaks volumes to the stratospheric level Lux was on here (one could certainly argue that the only reason Lux choked is because he got so caught in the emotion of the raucous crowd celebrating his return to the stage–regardless, it still counts tho).
Indeed, Lux’s eternal catchphrase of “You gon’ get this work!” was on total display on this night, systematically deconstructing his opponent throughout the battle with highly crafted personals, O.G. (“That’s why when I look up at you, I see what he can go through when a father don’t take the time!; “Your pops wasn’t no gangster, he was just another lost nigga!”) lessons on life and the pursuit of happiness, epic (“Look at him, emotional!”) showmanship, finite (“Let me bring that back ‘cuz I need y’all to grasp it, ain’t it evil to live backwards?!”) crowd control, ample wit, idealistic (“A rap league of tyrants and a child being defiant, oh, I’m in battle mode!”) set-ups, sizzling braggadocio lines, the legendary (“You’ve got some explaining to do, can we address the crowd?, Exhibit A, so that’s how Detroit gangstas do? Skinny dipping gone wild?!”) screen prop and of course, a roundhouse of potent bars and classic quotables…all without a single gun bar. Altogether, that’s not just phenomenal, it’s a clear ass-whipping.
Verdict: Loaded Lux (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Loaded Lux – “You niggas came here playing, it’s cool, but y’all gon’ leave giving head counts, they didn’t even book you nigga’s rooms, I told ’em Harlem Hospital giving beds out!”
Recap: What with there being so many filthy acronym’s available to spit against a battle rapper who name’s himself ‘LB’, you just had to know that the guy probably doesn’t take the sport too seriously. And with Saint Mic wrapping circles around his no substance and slip-up prone opponent with thematic wordplay and fiery/speedy punchlines, to suggest that LB consider some other hobby to fill his down time wouldn’t be far-fetched.
Verdict: Saint Mic (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Saint Mic – “I heard you got got dragged down 72nd street last week, came in here acting as a crack fiend, left as a drag queen!”
Recap: Not the most consistently methodical Young X you’ve seen, but too much filler, pontificating and short rounds from his opponent (“You play with the Heat, but never shoot…like Juwan Howard!”) Prop J, leave X’s steadily nice (“This a very awkward battle, look y’all…this the first you seen a kicker make a linebacker look small!”) punchlines and wicked street chatter with more than enough room to score an easy 3-0.
Verdict: Young X (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Young X – “I kill nigga’s in the battle and I’m nice on the beat, you a faggot, riding on a bike with no seat!”
Synopsis: A little weird seeing T-Rex hosting a battle in Pittsburgh?! But anyway, a slow start by Spee Dolla in the 1st and a slow start by Real Deal in the 3rd allowed the other guy to take those rounds. So the difference here was the 2nd, which saw Spee drop some nice (the “looking for deals everywhere like Black Friday” line was fire) bars, but not enough to overcome Real Deal name-flip zealotry (“Your real name is David Edwards, you could’ve used that shit to pop, was it views? cuz’ if so we’ll swing on you, we’ll get ’em dog and we’ll make a star of David like a Jewish synagogue” and personal (“Your chick can get tagged like a Facebook pic”) haymakers.
Verdict: Real Deal (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Real Deal – “They only put a dollar on the stage to see a pussy pop”
Recap: Against the witty, self-deprecating and sturdy pontifications of blind emcee Manaz Ill, after getting edged by a dope rebuttal in the 1st round, Charron uses a boatload of stinging punchlines, hard-hitting rebuttals of his own, spicy personals and boastful shiners to easily take each of the latter rounds for the win.
Verdict: Charron (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Charron – “You dick-sucker, always on your knees in ya house, there’s so much skeet in ya mouth you could get a bitch pregnant just by eating her out!”
Recap: Wow, apparently the judges in this final round freestyle battle between Charron and Escrol weren’t actually watching the battle as in one the greatest battle rap robberies you’ll ever see, Charron who clearly out-punched and served up some nice rebuttals at his opponent for 3 round,s somehow ends up on the losing end to a guy that outside of a weak Charron impression, didn’t do much of anything to standout, much less deserve a win, yet 4 clueless judges disagreed.
Verdict: Charron (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Charron – “On the microphone I’m a clever MC, being dope is something you’ll never be!”
Recap: A tournament freestyle battle with $1k on the line, in this semi-final round I’m not sure how many actual freestyles Fortunato used (as opposed to what sounded like mostly written’s or previously used mixtape material), but a gang of pedestrian lines from Fortunato plus Charron’s off-the-dome heat and spicy punches during all 3 rounds were enough to get the win regardless.
Verdict: Charron (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Charron – “Look at me muthafucka, I’m your idol, hey yo Escrol I’m meeting you in the finals!”
Recap: Both Viixen The Assassin and Lady Caution keep it competitive while bringing out the fiery gun bars, frequent mayhem and hardbody punches for this 3-round QOTR “Sparring Sessions” battle. But outside of a debatable 2nd round, the more consistently spicy and simile-rich Viixen takes rounds 1 and 3 for the win.
Verdict: Viixen The Assassin (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Viixen The Assassin – “If that red beam on than I’m aiming to kill, you ever meet a mean white bitch?, well tonight I’m Cruella Deville!”
Recap: An early prez mafia welcomes himself to the battle rap world and proceeds to easily out-punch and take out July Streets.
Verdict: prez mafia (W) 3-0
Favorite line: prez mafia – “It’s time for me to catch a body ‘cuz when I’m at y’all niggas it’s like a blast on Twitter, I’m AT everybody”
Recap: Shades of ‘106 & Park’ battle rap legend Blind Fury here as blind rapper Manaz Ill takes on Dizaster in what turned out to be a hilarious 3-rounder filled to the rim with a fiery punchlines, over-the-top personals and of course, a boatload of stereotypical Arabic jokes and blind man slander. Still, except for a dope and debatable 3rd round, Diz just came consistently better with the bars in both the 1st and 2nd rounds to take what was still a pretty competitive matchup throughout and an inspirational one as well.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Dizaster – “This battle was supposed to be 90 seconds, he went for like 3 minutes, that’s fine, and I understand that you’re blind, but that’s no excuse for having no concept of time!”
Recap: Some awful audio here makes one have to listen to this 2-round, freestyle battle a few times before they can decipher anything, But at the end of the day the potency of Charron’s punches in both rounds clearly outweigh anything from the aggressive, but subpar Cashtro.
Verdict: Charron (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Charron – “Your name don’t hold weight, just like Fat Joe!”
Recap: Highly spirited battle between Dizaster and poRICh for the KOTD championship sees Dizaster spazz on poRICh with wicked (“I come up to your fucking door and ring the bell like ding dong, first little skinny white bitch to answer the door, I lift her up by her pink thong and drag her up the side of the building like King Kong”) personals, fleeting (“You getting killed so badly your fagget ass homie felt like he had to start massaging your shoulders”) punchlines, nice rebuttals and biting, hard-hitting (“You little bitch, I’ll feed you the lowest form of pedigree, I will go after ya, bust open your head with the chrome relentlessly and open up your dome like you know telepathy”) bars with his usual aggression and in-your-face machismo. And while the incoming champion had a stellar second, combining personals, funny impressions and dope (“You selfish bitch!, crack this crab for the white meant, You selfish, bitch!”) punchlines to take the round, Dizaster’s 3rd, another round of nice performance bars, on-the-spot (“Yeah I do follow the great Koran and there’s another book [I read] ‘A Thousand Different Ways To Make The Bong'”) rebuts and consistent personals earned him the check and the KOTD chain.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1
Favorite line: poRICH – “So what’s this holy gospel that you’re quoting, queer?, the Koran? c’mon, and who’s this divine deity you think is so revered?, Allah [pffft] All ya will be over here”
Recap: Amzilla goes ham for the first couple of two rounds, snapping on Luciano Crakk’s (“Plus he’s a waiter so when you see him at the steakhouse, that’s the only time this nigga beefing with the trey [tray] out”) gun talk and fashion cred while scoring with formidable punchlines. Crakk competed in the first two rounds, but was let down again by slip-ups and a lack of focus in round 3, making for an easy win by Amzilla.
Verdict: Amzilla (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Luciano Crakk – “Are you on black people’s time or do you do things in a hurry?”
Recap: A strong, but debatable 3rd round and a light, but debatable 2nd allows this one to come down to the 1st, which the more potent and more diverse with the bars Blade Brown took with relative ease over a one-themed Brooklyn Carter.
Verdict: Blade Brown (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Blade Brown – “You fucking suck, act tough and I’ll have something clutch in both palms, waving both arms like it’s double-dutch!”
Recap: In this 3-rounder from King Juce Battle League, a boatload of nifty wordplay, witty personals and spicy punchlines/4-bar setups from Metta gets him both of the opening rounds over the hardbody, but not as consistently-lit or nuanced rhymes of Cortez to give the St. Louis battler the win before Cortez, ever a stickler for mayhem and rudimentary personals, edged the 3rd to avoid the shutout.
Verdict: Metta (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Metta – “You an illegal immigrant, I bet your favorite bookstore is Borders!”
Recap: Well, that was loud. QOTR matchup between 40 B.A.R.R.S. and Norma Bayts what with all the hostility in the ring, comes with plenty of replay value as judging from the sheer aggression, nasty personals and intensity, the two definitely won’t be trading Xmas cards this year. Still, for all of Norma’s mayhem-lit lines and boisterous raps, it wasn’t until the 3rd round (where she arguably had the best bar of the battle) that most would land. A close one nonetheless, a more condensed, versatile and more consistently thrifty with the wordplay 40 would edge rounds 1 and 2 for the win here.
Verdict: 40 B.A.R.R.S. (W) 2-1
Favorite line: 40 B.A.R.R.S. – “Your music and your footage like your bars…all ass too!”
Recap: Delivering a large plate of vivid mayhem to go along with some nasty punchlines/names flips, Viixen The Assassin takes the first couple of rounds of this 3-round, Bras N Barstrapz battle for the win before the hardbody rhymes of Gucci Top Model spruce up enough spice to take the 3rd.
Verdict: Viixen The Assassin (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Viixen The Assassin – “And your career will prove it, you could play this game forever but still end up with no rings like Pat Ewing!”
Synopsis: Equipped with plenty of hilarious fat jokes, mocking personals, spicy storytelling, hardbody punchlines and some dope wordplay, Math Hoffa certainly brings the versatility (tho the shot at Calicoe was pretty lame and had all the dressings of a sore loser) to this Poison Pen/URL 3-rounder against Marvwon. And while the Detroit vet came through with a solid and nifty punch game of his own, an inconsistent showing from Narv to go along with a superb performance by Math warrants the 30.
Verdict: Math Hoffa (W) 3-0
Best line: Math Hoffa – “Look at this Man! He checks his email looking for Spam!”
Recap: I don’t care what these battle rappers do outside the ring, but when you show up for a match is it asking too much for a dude to take his craft seriously and give 100% effort when he spits? Apparently, too often for Qleen Paper, it is. And this was supposed to be the main event?! Smh.
Verdict: Black Haze (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Black Haze – “I’ll smack the shit outta Qleen because I like to feel Paper in my hands!”
Recap: Judging from this battle, life appears to be pretty good for Murda Mook, esp. what with a huge supply of braggadocio bars, a ‘chick whose pussy always like Summer Eve’, plenty of cake from that street life, all the while making hay out of opponent’s like Dice, who started off well in this 3-round battle, but wilted as the bout went on in the face of Mook’s rampant heat.
Verdict: Murda Mook (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Murda Mook – “My flow’s a crime scene, in the booth I put up yellow tape!”
Recap: Highly entertaining battle between a forever spazzing T Dubb and an always ready for action JC goes down to the wire with Dubb edging it out. Call the end of Dubb second round a choke if you want, but JC landed enough hard bars to win that round anyway. It’s the 1st and 3rd rounds where Dubb really went in and won the battle, scoring with heavy angles on JC’s authenticity, the infamous Chris Stokes video (“Real niggas supposed to sit and believe you grip toast, when that dance you did look like you was practicing deep throat”), storytelling points and gritty (“I’ll spray and waste J [Jay] dna like a Beyonce abortion”) bars. While JC dropped some heavy (“Them arms out, but those clips extended like an olive branch”) punches, a short 1st round, some filler throughout and just not enough execution eventually did him in.
Verdict: T Dubb (W) 2-1
Favorite line: T Dubb – “Ain’t no dancers trappin, you’ll get robbed, this ain’t You Got Served nigga!”
Recap: When you spend more time writing standard bars to show how real you are instead of making sure you’re prepared, much less doing a little research and providing a little intricacy so you have a shot at beating your opponent, you’re probably going to end up with results like this. As a unprepared Showoff, when he wasn’t dishing mostly pedestrian bars and wasting time going at WeGoHard, chokes away arguably a couple of rounds and loses easily to a way more consistent, witty, aggressive and name-flip savvy Dubb Da Feenom.
Verdict: Dubb Da Feenom (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Dubb Da Feenom – “If you ain’t trying to fight, that’s cool, that’s what them 9’s for, run, bullets hit up your back and leave your spine tore, leave ya body covered in medal like you a cyborg, clap, put an end to that Show, who needs an encore!”
Recap: “This nigga don’t deserve to be in my highlights”….that pretty sums this battle up as Steams’ hot bars, delivery and execution provide more than enough material to perform a body on K.O.
Verdict: Steams (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Steams – “How can he not die?, y’all two jokers rolling with two deuces, the ace of spades will give his top 5”
Recap: Barz and Brastrapz 3-rounder between Dutchess and Young Gattas is a competitive and thoro mix of hardbody punchlines, stinging personals and boastful barbs. But after splitting the first two rounds, the more adept lyrically (esp. with the Big Pun colloquialism’s) and more consistently spicy Gattas takes round 3 for the win.
Verdict: Young Gattas (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Young Gattas – “How you got a Scream-ass face but you scary?!”
Recap: Not a big fan of intergender matchups (to me it’s a no-win for the dude), but battle rap fans seem to like them and enough battle rappers will participate in them so whatever. That said, both Ms. Hustle and O-Red went hard here, with Hustle going after Red’s URL standing (“Only reason he here, cuz Smack didn’t call you for Summer Madness”) all the while tossing in a load of nice gun bars, punchlines, funny interpretations and fleeting performance bars. And she put on a dope show, some of Hustle’s just alright bars got crazy gassed by the hometown crowd and simply put O-Red just one-upped her, using his one-round unlimited to preach on why female battle rappers can’t hang with their male counterparts (“I see a lot of you bitches is smoking angel dust”), spitting a dope magazine scheme, unloading crazy nice bars, delivering amiable personals and even getting biblical (“So fuck what you spitting, cuz’ a man is the reason you women even existing”) to remind everybody who the man is. So while I’ll never be a fan of intergender matchups, all told this was a pretty good battle.
Verdict: O-Red (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Ms. Hustle – “Faggots go in the casket too nigga and you should of known bitches ruled the world when Eve made Adam eat that apple too nigga”
Recap: Early Moneyy and Stylez (apparently they went to the same high school too) put on a nice battle for a crowd of Brooklyn rhyme fiends. Intense and competitive throughout, it’s Moneyy who comes out on top with better punches, schemes and wordplay, while Styles (tho the “twin .32’s…hit his Nintendo with this .64” line was fire) relied on too many name flips, went for angles that didn’t work and wasted too many bars on other rappers instead of his opponent.
Verdict: Moneyy (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Moneyy – “Y’all Camera Gang, well there won’t be no HD when that cannon [Canon] go flash!”
Synopsis: Dope battle, and close too what with Chilla clearly taking the 1st round (“An appetite for destruction I’m Al Qaeda (I’ll cater)”, while M. Ciddy spazzed so much in round 2 that not only did he even things up, but had to take some time to feel himself as well. But then Chilla shows off his sick pen game in round 3 delivering a nice rebuttal, then a killer haymaker (“Why is you even talking? I’m a fan favorite, I could let a chair speak for me like Stephen Hawking”), a biting zodiac scheme, superb wordplay throughout and an over-the-top Simpson’s scheme that pretty much wrapped it up. Granted, Ciddy came hard with his 3rd, but by that time it was long over (or like the fan said “Leave him alone, man!”).
Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 2-1
Best line: M.Ciddy – “A bullet can’t wait to get the Chill like the weekend”
Recap: As personal and disrespectful as battle rap can get at times, once you decide to put yourself in the ring, emotions have to be checked at the door. After all, it’s battle rap, the ultimate sport when it comes verbal warfare. So Ms Pak getting exposed by a Monistat box tossing and Facebook picture of Pak on a dirty mattress exposing Couture (who on lyrics alone was already ad this QOTR battle in the bag) in what will go down as a 2nd round classic, should serve as yet another lesson to all battle rappers when it comes to being prepared for anything your opponent might bring. Including props. And while a tear-dropping, back-to-the-crowd Ms Pak, didn’t impress the fans or the “Sparring Session” judges by fleeing the scene right after the battle, the bodybag Couture put on Pak here did make WorldStar.
Verdict: Couture (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Couture – “How the fuck is you a bad bitch when you got that luck of the Irish pussy smelling like corn beef and cabbage!”
Recap: Yeah, that was awkward. That is, at the beginning of this QOTR battle vs. Star Smilez, Bonnie Godiva spitting a hot punchline before her intro and receiving next to no reaction (ironically, that would be a sign of things to come as Bonnie would also waste a 3rd of her final round throwing shots at Phara Funeral). Still, this one was a goodie tho as outside of a perfectly-executed 1st round that Bonnie clearly took thanks to a gang of versatile, witty and spitfire punches, the two battlers kept it close in the latter stages. A more condensed Star Smilez, mixing it up and hitting more proficiently with brazen (“If I told a bitch I was gonna slap her, everybody around her would’ve ducked!”) personals, fiery schemes, witty barbs and gritty punchlines did enough against a less consistent Bonnie to force a draw in round 2, before edging round 3 with another punch-heavy turn that with the help of Bonnie directing so many bars towards her peer, allowed this battle to end in a draw.
Verdict: Debatable
Favorite line: Bonnie Godiva – “How the fuck you work at Best Buy and got a Home Depot swag?!”
Recap: Despite some oft-hilarious personals that included JC allegedly stealing Smack’s money in club as well Young Kannon spouting entertaining schemes/storytelling bars on his opponent’s infamous Chris Stokes video, it’s YK’s elongated rounds and hit-n-miss wordplay/punches that end up hurting in the long run, leaving a more consistent JC, who dished his own fire set of personals, Mexican jokes and fiery gun bars/punchlines throughout the battle, with a a clear round 1 vic, before edging the 3rd for the win.
Verdict: JC (W) 2-1
Favorite line: JC – “I extort ho’s, twist the silencer on the floor slow, and muzzle the piece, make it sound like the torch flowing in Morse code!
