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Classic Round

B. Dot defeats Stricc

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Recap: B. Dot versus Stricc, the infamous race wars battle that made World Star and thanks in part to a classic and perfectly executed 3rd round from Dot, put everyone’s favorite Black activist/battle rapper on the map. A credit to LA Battle Groundz for putting on this battle, but for all the fame B. Dot got from this stellar performance, what easily gets lost in this matchup is just how dope Stricc was. The Texas battler with an almost perfect poker face, dishing 3 hot rounds of spicy (“Pay homage pimpin’, I’m droppin’ wisdom, if Lux taught him anything it should’ve been to bring that coffin with him!”) personals, pointed poor white man semantics, tailored rebuts on white supremacy and piercing punchlines that added up to a gang of haymakers throughout the match and kept things competitive. But with rich epilogues on Black history, systematic breakdowns on the benefits of white privilege, flexing (“Look Stricc, don’t bore me with the fuck shit, all that, “Oh you sound like Lux shit”, look the compliment is enormous, but it’s really not that important, they even told Kobe he play like Jordan but that ain’t stop him for scorin’!”) punchlines, mocking name flips and fiery schemes/punchlines that showcased both a scholarly and street degree for militant abolitionism, outside of a debatable 2nd round that was equal when it came to the ratio of haymakers, it’s B. Dot who takes the 1st and 3rd rounds for the win here.

Verdict: B. Dot (W) 2-1

Favorite line: B. Dot – “So what make you think you a part of this? Who gave you some “How to be black” starter kit?, I mean they whitewashed black history, it’s only right that I blackout and wash this white boy to re-author it!”

O’fficial defeats Jaz The Rapper

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Recap: O’fficial’s classic “Cock the Dezzi?, Jaz, you can stop already, pop a gun!?, You too afraid to even pop ya cherry!!!” line gets most of the attention here and deservedly so as its performance, authenticity and execution were extra on point. But after a more consistent O edges the 1st round, what really makes the difference in this battle versus Jaz The Rapper is a spitfire, versatile, personal, witty and punch-crazy 2nd round by O’fficial and what would amount to a couple of lyrically underwhelming turns by her opponent. Indeed, when the gritty, scheme-slinging and wordplay-heavy Jaz we all know would finally show up with a (“How you gonna beat me, O, when (Owen) Hart made you die in the ring?, and after all that, y’all wanted me to be the one she go to?, yeah I battle periodic, but I take bitches out they element, now I gotta get O too (O2)!”) punch-heavy, consistent, angle-rich and personal-spazzing 3rd, the irony of O’fficial getting booed in her 3rd (tho the 2nd half or her turn made up for a subpar 1st half) round probably wasn’t lost on the heads who had Jaz as the heavy favorite going into this battle.

Verdict: O’fficial (W) 2-1

Favorite line: O’fficial – “And if anybody say they’ll fuck Jaz, I’m upset, ‘cuz she built like a 10 year old boy, y’all suspect, she gotta, big-ass head, no titties, ass or hips, and y’all know I would never lie, this bitch is standing here shaped like a lowercase letter ‘i’!

Daylyt defeats Ooops

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Recap: As Florida Evans would say: ‘Damn! Damn! Damn!’ Ooops and Daylyt match up on the RBE stage to put on one of the realest rap battles ever, kicking so much emotions, real rap talk and soliloquies in their lines that you couldn’t ashamed to say if you were brought to tears. Not that really matters who won, but after Daylyt’s punchline game and rip-shredding bars edged him round one, Ooops continuous name flips got him round two, a deadlocked battle became a near-classic with a gut-wrenching 3rd. First, Daylyt (who perhaps inspired by Ooops conscious/poetic rap stylings decided early on to drop the antics for this battle) drops what is arguably his best round ever, with a consistent barrage of haymakers that gamely ripped apart all his naysayers, while giving you new understanding of what makes Daylyt so (“Steve Urkel should y’all that if a square randomly get a machine, then out of nowhere he a cool nigga”) gifted, controversial, (“It was pops at my front door every day, it was never dad!”) nuisanced and borderline schizophrenic. So stupendous was Daylyt’s round that the stunned look on Ooops face alone spoke volumes on the impact. Still, when he was finally ready to begin his round, Ooops used his turn to hit hard with some sentimental (“See you talking all that protesting shit, but we ain’t have to go to Selma to see what they went through”) analysis and personal real life gab that just as gamely moved the crowd. Daylyt’s delivery and righteous bar quotient got him the round and won him the battle but either way Daylyt vs. Ooops is another contender for Battle of the Year.

Verdict: Daylyt (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Daylyt -“When y’all say I’m stupid, God is the reason I got the face tat”

Hollow da Don defeats Charlie Clips

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Recap: A staggering 1st round filled with multiple derision’s on his opponent’s battle technique, witty punchlines/schemes and aggressive haymakers by Hollow da Don beats back a very solid, but less versatile and a little pedestrian turn by Charlie Clips. This highly anticipated battle is then decided by yet another superlative round by Hollow, going after Clips with a rich palette of jocular darts, crown-friendly punches, career/life tutorials, and heavy-handed personals that all hit their mark. In turn, after a dope 1st round that would’ve easily beat most rappers and during one of the biggest battles of his career, Clips literally goes off-track in the 2nd, struggling with his flow, dispensing substandard rhymes and strangely taking his focus off Hollow to throw shots at Cortez and D. Chambers who were each looking on from the stage. And while Clips’ focus would return in the 3rd with a fiery, personal and punch-heavy turn that got past a solid, but elongated round by Hollow, by the end it’d be too late.

Verdict: Hollow da Don (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Hollow da Don – “I ain’t saying your shit wack, but bro, it’s the same move every time you kick that, set-up/punchline, set-up/punchline, that’s how you spit that?…just a candy rapper with 4 bars, you a [Kit-Kat]…see how easy it is to predict that?”

Real Deal defeats Syd Vicious

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Recap: From Don’t Flop, a versatile Real Deal, scoring with a variety of stifling punchlines, witty personals, solid off-the-dome heat and spicy storytelling bars, puts up enough points (esp. during a killer opening round) to beat back a mostly competitive effort from a mayhem-lit and punch/personal heavy at times Syd Vicious, who after getting edged by RD in both of the early rounds, was on his way to at least taking the 3rd if not for a couple of slip-ups.

Verdict: Real Deal (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Real Deal – “And this is Syd from Atlanta?, this for the ’92 Pirates, no way I could let him slide!”

Gutta defeats Gjonaj

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Recap: Dope battle between Gutta (who easily makes up for his earlier poor PG against Blacksmif here) and Gjonga, a Michigan cat whose style and pedigree is like a flat-out combination of Dizaster and Uno Lavos. Close throughout with plenty of haymakers, crazy (Gutta: “I’ll chew a nigga while he hot, I can’t stand to eat my dinner cold”) punchlines, steady jokes, preachy (Gjonja: “Well honestly, save your fucking apology, I been down paths so fucking dark my shadow wouldn’t follow me”) wordplay and stellar performances on both sides. But Gutta takes it in the end for being a little more consistent overall with the flow while producing more heat with his stage time. All the while Gjonaj’s wordplay didn’t always match his aggression, tho his all-world first (“If by now you’re not a fan, I got holy punches that I promise land”) round should still be viewed as a classic.

Verdict: Gutta (W0 2-1

Favorite line: Gjonga – “Well now I’m mad and I can’t get past it so I’mma catch you leaving Summer Madness, talking to your fucking ratchet, knife you at a red light, tell your bitch you got stuck in traffic!”

Kid Chaos defeats I Am Spoken

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Recap: Extra spicy on the personal breakdowns (esp. during a spitfire, perfectly-executed 3rd round) throughout this match, Kid Chaos also uses a boatload of fiery schemes, hard-hitting name flips and piercing punchlines/set-ups to handily beat back a mostly modest punching I Am Spoken in this 3-rounder from Barbarian Rap League.

Verdict: Kid Chaos (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Kid Chaos – “You see the difference playa?, you got bars, but obviously don’t know what to do with it, but see my mom and my dad gave me presence [presents] I’m too gifted!”

Illmaculate defeats Real Deal

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Recap: Capped by a killer 3rd round classic that him flexing with a shitload of spicy punchlines, Illmaculate’s casual but potent rebuttal game and winsome 4-bar punches/wordplay throughout this battle earns him a 30 over a more-raucous-than-usual and personal heavy, but overall topsy-turvy Real Deal in this dressed up 3-rounder from FilmOn TV.

Verdict: Illmaculate (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Illmaculate – “It would get ugly if a strap on me like Barkley kicks, but I’d rather take his top and leave something missing like Barbie’s tits!”

Aye Verb defeats Daylyt

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Recap: Daylyt’s extraordinary 3rd (”Soon as they gave Verb his price, for us to box in the spot, I spotted a box for you, the word is dice”) round will get most of the attention here. But Aye Verb still gets the dub, using steady (Send hot rounds to your door nigga, who ordered pizza?”) jokes, going the tutorial route with the personals, spitting hard-hitting (“He ain’t saying nothin’ throwing up signs, this ain’t Charades niggas”) bars, flipping Daylyt’s shit and executing a more consistent flow throughout to edge the first couple of rounds and score a slight upset.

Verdict: Aye Verb (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Daylyt – “I had a crack rock soooo big, Yung Ill tried to drag it home!”

Real Deal defeats Daylyt

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Recap: No shit. Up until he literally took a dump on stage midway through his 3rd round before being escorted off stage by security, I thought Daylyt’s latest gimmick–fully dressed in an all-black outfit with a cloak over his head and then revealing a fake decapitated head (which was hilarious)– was none too extreme for a guy already well-known for his antics. But either the booing crowd really got to ‘Lyt (deservedly so considering how most of his bars were pretty subpar) or the entire shit-show was pre-planned (which is even worse when it comes to the fans and the company that’s paying you, in this case KOTD). Still, Daylyt would later blame the whole mess on ‘racism’, he’d continue to battle on KOTD and oh yeah, his opponent (and ironically, fellow Dot Mobb member) Real Deal would gain what was probably the easiest 30 of his battle career.

Verdict: Real Deal (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Real Deal – “Yo, another muthafuckin’ gimmick, he must have known he’d be the loser, your stupid ass came out dressed like the ghost of Christmas future!”

Charlie Clips defeats T-Rex

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Recap: Has Harlem vs. Harlem on the battle rap stage ever been a let-down? Making up for opponent and fellow Harlem-nite T-Rex’s mayhem-lit, but shortened opening rounds with a brutal annihilation that contained 3 rounds of flawless execution (we’ll call both the regimented, punch-lit and consistently piercing 4-bar set-ups of round 1 and the highly personal, spicy rebuttal-driven, haymaker-drunk and over-the-top performance-wise 3rd round both classics), Charlie Clips delivers a hardbody 30 while spouting one of the most epic showings in battle rap history (hell, Cassidy’s reactions alone could tell you how this one went) and taking out Rex and his entire Dot Mobb crew at URL’s Summer Madness 4.

Verdict: Charlie Clips (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Charlie Clips – “Jesus! One of my lines could make an Atheist say ‘Christ!’, if you wanna get Rex to chill all you gotta do is say I.C.E., we’ll discuss that a little later, but with these tho, I’m way nice, give him a choice in the elevator, you want the Solange or the Ray Rice?!”

Charron defeats Shotgun Suge

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Recap: Sorry Charron, tho you definitely got the win, this was not a 3-0 as Shotgun Suge had a pretty (“But fuck that, I step in his house like ‘Where the killers?’ [looks around] nah, I hit white boy family with the pounds like We’re the Millers”) mean, (“He want to rap. I need too”) real and (“What your life like nigga?, size 12 with a 13 cuz’ the snub don’t fit in the Tims”) gritty 3rd round. Still, despite the resident pocket-check and a nice 1st round by Suge, using plenty of self-deprecating jokes/anecdotes, easy rebuttals, hot (“I would be amazed if he put up a good fight, Chris Brown’s VMA’s, I’m fucking up Suge night [Knight}]”) bars, ill personals and dope  (“You haven’t been seen since you choked on Bill…Monica Lewinsky!”) one-liners, Charron uses his first URL appearance to take another off his Jersey hitlist.

Verdict: Charron (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Charron – “You wanna bully a cracker, oh you thought were cool?, this is Columbine, a white boy’s taking a shotgun to school!”

Tsu Surf defeats Hitman Holla

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Recap: From URL’s Summer Madness 4 card, with what included a fight between the two in the days leading up to the battle, Hitman Holla versus Tsu Surf had to be the most anticipated battle of 2014. And while the battle featured two classic rounds (Hitman’s electrifying 1st round that featured one of his best Showout-assisted remix’s to go along with the 1st non-verbal rebuttal, which he claimed by simply taking his hoodie off in response to a bar Surf said in his opener and Surf’s highly personal and superbly executed punchfest in the 3rd) as well as enough moments (good and bad) to ensure that it’ll be more than just a footnote in SM battle rap history, outside of the opening round (which while a bit short, was still pretty hitting), thanks in part to a bunch of pedestrian bars and some questionable moments by Holla (the lame attempt at a 2nd remix in round 2, the subpar Michael Jackson bars and one too many shots at Shotgun Suge), Surf’s consistent ability to hit with some standout wordplay, witty barbs, fire set-ups (including another dope use of his signature ‘Lock pick the door, Errrrhhh!’ screed) and hard-hitting personals/punchlines was just too much here. The Jersey native taking both of the latter rounds handily (tho Holla did spout some lyrical bangers here and there) to come back and win the battle.

Verdict: Tsu Surf (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Tsu Surf – “Your mother was at the game, cardboard colors, fresh signs, my mother was in pain ‘You wanna speak to the inmate, press 9!'”

K-Shine defeats JC

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Synopsis: Perhaps if bars just decided rap battles, a scheming wordsmith like JC would most likely be undefeated. But of course, that’s the kind of thinking that has some of the gifted pen’s of the battle world living with their head in the sand as they struggle to accept other attributes that can win you battles. Then too, if you go in the boxing ring recognizing that your opponent is noted for having a superb left uppercut, you and your trainer’s job is to come up with an effective plan to counter that move with an effective game plan that can get you the win. That’s what K-Shine does here in this 3-rounder against JC on UDubb: using his own talent for showmanship, running with his opponent’s biggest weakness and milking it for all its worth. And who could blame him? I mean what is he supposed to do? Go toe-to-toe with JC on bars alone and most likely lose? Puh-leeze. Granted, K-Shine is no slouch in the ring when it comes to punchlines. But as he showed in his infamous ‘Professor Shine’ 3rd round against DNA, when your opponent has an advantage on you in one area, why not return the favor and counter with what you do better? In this case perform. And that he did with an insanely adept (i.e. classic), dope and crowd-rocking MIchael Jackson scheme in the deciding 3rd round (that had JC literally flinching and talking to himself) to earn the win.

Verdict: K-Shine (W) 2-1

Favorite line: K-Shine – “You know them bitches Love Sosa, but this more like Oprah, they all get the gift from under the seat!”

Math Hoffa defeats Dizaster

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Recap: After getting edged by a heavy (“What happened? why you want to punk dudes like little Mookie and T-Rex?, what happened last time you came to L.A.? where was your reflex?, when you got water poured all over your shoes and you got G checked, I guess you could say it was his first time in L.A. and he was still getting his feet wet!”) pontificating, scheme-slinging and mayhem-dishing Dizaster in the 1st round, Math Hoffa ups the ante on an already fiery punch game and delivers a blistering, witty, punchline-crazy and (“Surprised you ain’t dead yet, you be taking all them methamphetamine’s, do me a favor, never get blasted off of heroin, cause that’ll get you outclassed and out of your element, cause on Smack, you was the wackest that you ever been!”) personal-blazing 2nd to even things out over a solid, but not as potent turn by Diz, before doubling-down on some already exquisite wordplay during a just-as-dope 3rd (i.e. classic) that was also seismic on personals. Dizaster, who dished some pretty aggressive schemes and lofty punches/personals in the deciding round, was hurt a bit by bouts with filler and a little too much sermonizing, thus allowing a more steady and commanding Math to take the round and the win.

Verdict: Math Hoffa (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Math Hoffa – “I watched your battles till your fucking voice was hurting my ears, I put the pen to the page, hoping verses appear, but this is why I hate Scrabble, sometimes I got no words for these squares!”

Chilla Jones defeats Daylyt

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Synopsis: Sometimes it’s not a matter of who lost, but who won. Such is the case here with this classic barfest between Chilla Jones and Daylyt–simply put as terrific as both emcees were, it all comes down to who dropped more haymakers. The edge goes to Chilla, from the crazy “Watch with the level I’m on, clear plane escalator, you can’t move me with long stares [stairs]) line to this gem (with Method Man literally in the building): “That’s cause she gave Ghost, face and blew Meth like Heisenberg”, it’s just rare to see Chilla waste lines. And Daylyt, who has long proven that he can match anyone lyrically (when he’s not beholden to antics), was as impressive as he’s ever been, dropping bombs like “And I rely my babe cuz she a cap and wild gunner, she’ll close her eyes, point the deuce at the ring like Pacquiao’s mama” and “If I chase a nigga’, back break a nigga’, funeral homes, box rake a nigga, you get the open hand, the fist or the deuce, rock, paper, scissors” that would’ve had any other battle rapper take his mike off and call it quits. But this was Chilla Jones, a wordplay artist and scheme king, who unless he produces that rare slip-up (vs. B. Magic) or you’re somehow able out-bar him (JC), your chances of winning are slim to none. I got Jones taking the 1st and 3rd with Daylyt taking the 2nd. Such a classic battle, does it even matter who won?

Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 2-1

Best line: Chilla Jones – “It’s cuz’ you snitchin’, so to pigs I’m sinning, you sendin’ info so now y’all all fucked, it’s like I’m sendin’ nympho’s”

Goodz defeats Danja Zone

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Synopsis: Warning to all battle rappers: DO NOT battle Goodz in a one-rounder. Really now. And there’s no sense trying to spin this one as despite a solid effort from Danja Zone, a Henny-holding, gem-dropping and versatile Goodz was just clicking (“Thinking you on, well you wrong, you had a classic with NuBorn, no for real you had a CLASSIC with NuBorn”) on all cylinders here. Indeed, BX all day.

Verdict: Goodz (W) 1-0

Best line: Goodz – “Where’s the charisma at?, that was today’s lesson, matter fact y’all battle rappers should’ve met me on Christmas, I was giving out stage presence (presents)!”

Eazy The Block Captain defeats G. Lowe

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Recap: From WBL Philly, all Eazy The Block Captain here as the PA emcee’s ability to not only kick a gang of consistently spitfire punches put him ahead, but the versatility, rigid name flips/schemes/gun bars and knack for inserting wit in his even more brazen of rhymes combines to overwhelm (esp. during a sublime 2nd round) a gritty-punching, but topsy-turvy (esp. when he was wasting bars on one of his peers on stage) G. Lowe.

Verdict: Eazy The Block Captain (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Eazy The Block Captain – “I’ll never have a Debo or Craig momemt…why?, ‘cuz I’ll just shoot the nigger!”

Charron defeats Arsonal da Rebel

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Synopsis: Charron puts on an epic show in front of his hometown fans, consistently delivering dope bars, punchlines, jokes, rebuttals and personals (“I’ll give this Crip metal like the Special Olympics”) to easily take out da Rebel. How mad was Arsonal (granted he had a dope 3rd) about receiving this loss? Not only does he snatch the purple bandana out of Charron’s hand when he pulled it out, but apparently later on he’d get back his senses, recognize how nice how nice his opponent was and invite the guy to battle on UW.

Verdict: Charron (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Charron – “He’s a true Blood…season one owner!”

Chayna Ashley defeats Gattas

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Recap: Definitely not a classic, but still a pretty solid, bar/scheme-fest here between Chayna Ashley and Gattas in the QOTR ring. The ever-aggressive Gattas, loaded with barrels of humor, some stinging personals and loads of lyrical stunting, made her presence felt and kept things competitive throughout the bout. Ms. Ashley, strutting hard like a grown ass woman throughout the battle, without a care in the world for the usual parade of personals used against her while spouting a gang of fierce schemes, wily boasts/personals, hardbody punchlines and even slipping in a bit of wit with a 3rd round wig prop, came ready from jump. However, with Chayna coming versatile with the heat while humble enough to address what many might say is her lone fault (choking) and putting together in an exquisite 2nd round, after a debatable 1st and assisted by a steady barking, but less substantive Gattas, a more consistently stealth and punch-heavy Ashley takes the latter two rounds for the win.

Verdict: Chayna Ashley (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Chayna Ashley -“Yeah, this shit gonna get ugly, I’m talking O-Red on the wake up, Big T when he hungry, Arsonal without a shape-up!”

QB (Black Diamond) defeats Stargirl Ladyred

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Recap: The female version of Arsonal with her elongated rounds, disrespectful bars and aggressive delivery (but less filler), beating QB in a battle takes an enormous effort. And for two rounds Stargirl Ladyred almost pulls it off, matching QB’s ruthlessness with a plethora of ill (“By looking…I could tell you don’t keep up withcha hygiene, pussy-licking cottage cheese smelling like fried beans!”) bars, dope schemes and hitting personals. But in the 3rd QB whipped out her entire bag of tricks and came out with a classic, landing (“But you frail, when the last time you was in some beef?, you somebody son, I got a Scooby snack for you Scrappy since you the spitting image of Mama Dee”) haymakers, delivering rapid personals (to her opponent and Cortez) and getting extra nice on the wordplay to pull ahead and take the win in what was otherwise a really good battle.

Verdict: QB (W) 2-1

Favorite line: QB – “You ain’t built for the street life, why you trying to be hardcore?, just ‘cuz you look like Chewbacca doesn’t mean that Star Wars!”

Big T defeats K-Shine

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Synopsis: A classic round is like a knock down in boxing, a 10-8 round, a knockout, or that rare round where a battler is just perfect, no filler, no stumbles, regardless of the angle/perforamnce/bars/storytelling, etc., the type of round that belongs in a time capsule for battle rap opulence. Well, score one for Big T here, as he put forth a round that exemplified what a battle rapper can do when he’s at his best, delivering personals, schemes, bars, name flips, a crazy performance, creativity and angles that pretty much deaded this battle (granted Shine’s 1st round was decent) from the opening gate. Credit Shine tho for showing up and he made it close with a dope (“fat bitch on Instagram all it take is head shots”) 2nd that relied heavy on some ill gun bars. Much as it was hard to live up to his classic 1st round, Big T got off to a slow start in round 2, but still dropped some haymakers, esp on Shine’s street cred (“fruit cup, a lot of flavors, sweet cakes, a lot of bakers”) that ended up making round 2 debatable. A restless crowd didn’t help Shine in round 3 and neither did his slip-up, but overall his round was decent, yet took away any chance he had of winning as Big T’s 3rd was clearly more polished.

Verdict: Big T (W) 2-1

Best line: Big T – “I ain’t giving up bunny ears when I hold this piece behind his head”

Pass defeats RemyD

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Recap: A love for switching flow patterns, speed rapping, wordplay and spicy punchlines by both RemyD and Pass makes for an intriguing 3-rounder on KOTD between these two and the battle lives up to the suspense, as two rhymeslingers keep it close throughout. However, after a debatable round 1, despite a pair of pretty solid, versatile and stylistic turns by RemyD, it’s a slightly more turned up, wordplay-lit, set-up/haymaker-heavy and scathing with the personals Pass who edges rounds 2 (a classic) and 3 for the win.

Verdict: Pass (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Pass – “You ain’t famous, but a pound in front of you will make your name a trending topic!”

K-Shine defeats DNA

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Recap: First of all, salute to Lil Caeser and Wyclef, who co-hosted this battle and of course, R.I.P. Biggie Smalls. That said, besides an educational, spitfire and classic appearance in round 3 from ‘Professor Shine’, a couple of things always stood out about this battle between K-Shine and DNA. For starters, there’s the dope schemes/name flips and personals shown by each battler throughout the bout. Secondly, you have all the Charlie Clips mentions. And then there’s the fact that for all the ridicule DNA’s gotten for that WTF moment in choosing to rap-on-beat towards the end of his turn, up until that disastrous decision, his final round was not only crazy, but competitive and looking to be his best round of the night..Either way, a pretty memorable battle that would spearhead one of the greatest battle-rap duo’s of all-time, would be decided by a speed-rapping, but gritty and punch-heavy Shine taking the 1st round before an equally-stout, but also condensed DNA edged the 2nd. And ably assisted by an electrifying cameo from the rarely seen and previously mentioned Prof. Shine, a versatile and consistently hitting Shine would take the 3rd for the win.

Verdict: K-Shine (W) 2-1

Favorite line: K-Shine – “I’m in shape like Rocky when was boxing Apollo, ‘If he dies, he dies!’, I got the conscious of Drago!”

 

Ill Will defeats Johnie Alcatraz

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Recap: A strong, (“My hands nice, I keep a cannon tho, big ARs, small k’s, all different size like a ransom note!”) punch/scheme-heavy and sometimes (“Silencer on the toast, you don’t know who did it, it’s like a dog fart!”) stirring performance by Johnie Alcatraz is eclipsed by a mightier, (“Hey because, just let him know, he just keep coming with all that bullshit, fronting out his mouth, talking about some shit that he knows nothing about, I’ll cock back, wave the steel and throw of ya cousin’s in his mouth!”) personal/mock-heavy and wordplay (“We don’t bang nigga, but play sweet, I’ll take a red rag and crack ya head till you blue [blew] blood…now you Grape Street!”) crazy 3 rounds from Pontiac, Michigan’s Ill Will in this Proving Grounds matchup from Smack/URL.

Verdict: Ill Will (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Ill Will – “This little nigga talk militant, [but] he Huey from The Boondock, I’m Huey Newton from the rooftop!”

Rosenberg Raw defeats Bigg K

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Synopsis: As impressive as Bigg K’s round 1 was, so too was Rosenberg’s last 2 rounds, which combined with K’s stumble in round 3, got Rosenberg Raw the win here. Personals factor in as much as any other category within rap battles in my book and not only did Raw hold his own bar wise, but putting Bigg K on blast for dissing Smack (but then showing up “4 weeks” later to battle on URL) as well as showing up for his Ill Will battle (instead of his brother’s funeral….which Bigg K would later deny, tho he stated it on record) shows you what an inspired and highly prepared Rosenberg (“Instead he out here chasing battles, see what they do for views?”) can do against a talented newcomer.

Verdict: Rosenberg (W) 2-1

Best line: Bigg K – “30/30 with the red beam giving hickey’s (???), my vision is 20/20, six eyes like Mississippi, but I said I got this 30/30 with 20/20 vision did you dig me?, when it blast I’mma split you in half, 50/50”

Uno Lavoz defeats Dekay

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Recap: While she lost the 1st round thanks to a couple of ill rebuttals from her more versatile opponent, for the first round anyway, a just-as-disrespectful, witty and (“9 months later your father put on some lip gloss and came out!”) scheme/bar-heavy Dekay held her own against the flippant stylings of Uno Lavoz. But then the rest of the battle happened and from there it was a wash. As in front of a spirited and high-energy London crowd, Uno went in for the kill with a classic 2nd round that put the DM in downright mean what with hilarious (“I mean your mom killed so many fucking babies, she the only bitch that go to abortion clinics and have reserved parking!”) abortion jokes galore and other frenzied personals that could make a girl cry, before edging the 3rd with a none-too-clean, but solid turn that beat back what was a subpar round from Dekay.

Verdict: Uno Lavoz (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Uno Lavoz – “No bitch, it’s called being creative, being unique and coming up with some of the wildest thoughts, but I forgot this bitch used to be homeless so I guess it’s hard for her to think outside the box!”

JC defeats Chilla Jones

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Recap: An undeniable classic, JC versus Chilla Jones served as the pinnacle of new, hungry and younger talent with a knack for substance, versatility and flexing wordplay with their bars. Starting with a superb 1st round, both battlers would display tremendous moxie with their lines with an uber-confident JC dropping a series of stinging (“I’ma tell this fag actor once: get out of line, pass or bump, I’ma react with the fastest punch, they ain’t gon’ have no choice but to turn this bitch from Smack to Snuff!”) punchlines when he wasn’t dishing some hard-hitting name flipping and prodigious mayhem. However, having already shown himself to be one of the better schemers in the game, Chilla wouldn’t disappoint, the Boston spitter spouting a gang of spitfire schemes, ripping personals and roundhouse (“You rep Pontiac on that G shit, but you don’t own a gun, liar, so I’ma give this G six for y’all thinkin’ that son fire!”) punches to edge round 1 before JC would take advantage of a couple of dry spots from his opponent and come through with a (“It’s an honor for you to meet me, I’m the next problem, run in your crib, pop your mom: I’m your step father!”) punch-heavy and while making fun of Chilla’s rap style, a mockingly sanguine turn to edge the 2nd round. Tied going into the 3rd round of a battle that already had the crowd buzzing throughout, both battlers would step it up during their final turns with a boatload of piercing darts, sizzling wordplay, more heavy-handed schemes from Chilla and stunted gun bars from JC. Yet,with an astute and (“What, you gon’ flip and spazz out? Bitch, don’t try us, there’s four niggas in each car with about six mo’ riders, we heavy armed, like Precious, extend mo’ fire!”) haymaker-drenched 3rd that was flawless in its execution (i.e., a classic), despite another pretty solid turn by (“See, this a loss you shoulda planned for, but we all know you’re good with defeat [da feet], we all seen you on the dance floor!”) Jones, it’s JC who earns the win here.

Verdict: JC (W) 2-1

Favorite line: JC – “I’m tryna get his whole strip wet, he was cruising till his ship wrecked, hit me, you gon’ get hit next, stomp him but leave him choices, Timberland or Nike? Face the tree or get chin checked?!”

Math Hoffa defeats Arsonal

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Recap: Showing off some superb bar execution and fine set-ups/breakdowns, all the while ridiculing his opponent Arsonal’s alleged lack of bar efficiency throughout the bout, mixing in some witty barbs, rough bully talk, stinging personals (esp. during a and performance-rich punches (not including some shots at the Dot Mobb crew), Math Hoffa flexes with a versatile game of bullish lyrical heat (esp. during a potent round 2 where he took shots at Arsonal and Murda Mook) to beat back a punch-bent and witty at times, but mostly pedestrian and elongated Arsonal for all 3 rounds of this main event matchup from UW Battle League.

Verdict: Math Hoffa (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Math Hoffa – “You did the ABC’s in your last battle, that’s why I feel blessed we could meet, ‘cuz I got a question…could you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?!”

Hitman Holla defeats John John Da Don

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Recap: In battle rap, a veteran giving a new blood a shot goes all the way back to the legendary Busy Bee famously letting Kool Moe Dee get on the mike to roast him after one of Bee’s performances in what was alleged to have been the 1st one-on-one battle ever. So all these years later, Hitman Holla providing up-n-comer John John Da Don with a shot on the big Webster Hall stage just continues a long-standing tradition. But unlike the fabled Moe Dee vs. Busy Bee battle, outside of a pretty dope and highly entertaining 1st round from both battlers, this one was a bit of a letdown as both Hitman and JJDD suffered from a boatload of pedestrian bars and subpar angles that even led to some boos from the crowd in the latter rounds. Ironically, with a punchline-heavier JJDD taking the 2nd round and practically giving away the 3rd round by spending half his turn delivering some tedious pontifications to Holla, it’s the 1st round that would end up deciding this battle. And the edge here goes to Hitman, the St. Louis vet standing out with a classic turn that featured some dope punchlines/schemes, sublime crowd control, stunting anecdotes/wordplay, performance-heavy heat, witty personals and a seismic/patented remix that altogether when placed head-to-head against JJDD’s hard-hitting at times, personal-lit and scheme-heavy, but also a bit of an imitative turn that would lose him the round and the battle.

Verdict: Hitman Holla (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Hitman Holla – “Cock that 4-5 like fuck it, give him 9 more, turn his apple to seeds, see what they call him John for, Johnny Appleseed]s all over, bring the pine, boy, shout out to my nigga, free Hollow, he ain’t Da Don boy!”

Loaded Lux defeats Calicoe

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Recap: Honestly, what more can be said about this battle? Indeed, in what would not only turn out to be one of the greatest battle rap matches of all-time, but the witnessing of a man who rarely battles, Loaded Lux, be elevated to ‘God’ status amongst the entire battle rap community (and famously get quoted from the likes of Jay-Z) for his sterling performance here (and that’s even after Lux choked in his 1st round), this battle even had superstars within the hip-hop elite impressed, all the same elevating the battle rap platform as a whole. Of course, Calicoe has no one to blame but himself for being on the other end of Lux’s newfound status, as he was the one who had the gall to call Lux out of retirement in the first place–getting ‘Grey Hoodie Lux’ so amped and motivated to come through that he not only dressed up in a tux for the bout, but literally brought a whole funeral party with him. Still to be fair, throughout the years Cal has regularly shown that his bravado can rarely be questioned and coming off an epic 3-0 win versus Math Hoffa, why shouldn’t Cal at least ask for Lux?

That said, no sense wasting time by getting into semantics here. This was a clear 2-1 victory for Lux and despite a scheme-heavy Cal being pretty (“It don’t matter if you loaded Lux, when that gun on safety!”; “The first nigga who he got his his back, gonna die fronting!”) ) solid throughout (that is, when he wasn’t wasting bars spitting about other battlers). Yet, Cal only got the first round thanks to the aforementioned choke, which somewhat speaks volumes to the stratospheric level Lux was on here (one could certainly argue that the only reason Lux choked is because he got so caught in the emotion of the raucous crowd celebrating his return to the stage–regardless, it still counts tho).

Indeed, Lux’s eternal catchphrase of “You gon’ get this work!” was on total display on this night, systematically deconstructing his opponent throughout the battle with highly crafted personals, O.G. (“That’s why when I look up at you, I see what he can go through when a father don’t take the time!; “Your pops wasn’t no gangster, he was just another lost nigga!”) lessons on life and the pursuit of happiness, epic (“Look at him, emotional!”) showmanship, finite (“Let me bring that back ‘cuz I need y’all to grasp it, ain’t it evil to live backwards?!”) crowd control, ample wit, idealistic (“A rap league of tyrants and a child being defiant, oh, I’m in battle mode!”) set-ups, sizzling braggadocio lines, the legendary (“You’ve got some explaining to do, can we address the crowd?, Exhibit A, so that’s how Detroit gangstas do? Skinny dipping gone wild?!”) screen prop and of course, a roundhouse of potent bars and classic quotables…all without a single gun bar. Altogether, that’s not just phenomenal, it’s a clear ass-whipping.

Verdict: Loaded Lux (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Loaded Lux – “You niggas came here playing, it’s cool, but y’all gon’ leave giving head counts, they didn’t even book you nigga’s rooms, I told ’em Harlem Hospital giving beds out!”

Couture defeats Ms Pak

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Recap: As personal and disrespectful as battle rap can get at times, once you decide to put yourself in the ring, emotions have to be checked at the door. After all, it’s battle rap, the ultimate sport when it comes verbal warfare. So Ms Pak getting exposed by a Monistat box tossing and Facebook picture of Pak on a dirty mattress exposing Couture (who on lyrics alone was already ad this QOTR battle in the bag) in what will go down as a 2nd round classic, should serve as yet another lesson to all battle rappers when it comes to being prepared for anything your opponent might bring. Including props. And while a tear-dropping, back-to-the-crowd Ms Pak, didn’t impress the fans or the “Sparring Session” judges by fleeing the scene right after the battle, the bodybag Couture put on Pak here did make WorldStar.

Verdict: Couture (W) 3-0

Favorite line:  Couture – “How the fuck is you a bad bitch when you got that luck of the Irish pussy smelling like corn beef and cabbage!”

Bonnie Godiva and Star Smilez [DEBATABLE]

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Recap: Yeah, that was awkward. That is, at the beginning of this QOTR battle vs. Star Smilez, Bonnie Godiva spitting a hot punchline before her intro and receiving next to no reaction (ironically, that would be a sign of things to come as Bonnie would also waste a 3rd of her final round throwing shots at Phara Funeral). Still, this one was a goodie tho as outside of a perfectly-executed 1st round that Bonnie clearly took thanks to a gang of versatile, witty and spitfire punches, the two battlers kept it close in the latter stages. A more condensed Star Smilez, mixing it up and hitting more proficiently with brazen (“If I told a bitch I was gonna slap her, everybody around her would’ve ducked!”) personals, fiery schemes, witty barbs and gritty punchlines did enough against a less consistent Bonnie to force a draw in round 2, before edging round 3 with another punch-heavy turn that with the help of Bonnie directing so many bars towards her peer, allowed this battle to end in a draw.

Verdict: Debatable

Favorite line: Bonnie Godiva – “How the fuck you work at Best Buy and got a Home Depot swag?!”

Real Deal defeats B. Magic

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Recap: Featuring the classic, call-n-response, crowd-controlling line: “But I know the slogan Smack so to me that raises up the question, what time is it? Real what? [‘Real nigga time!’], thanks for making me the exception!” from Real Deal, in what was one of the best 1st rounds you’ll see from two rappers in battle rap history, Real Deal versus B. Magic on the URL stage was also highly impactful when you consider the style clash of a ‘Grind Time’ rapper making his debut and stepping out of the ‘knapsack rap’ zone of GT for the more street-friendly/gritty confines of URL. That said, with a gang of rigid race angles/punches, spicy [B. Magic: “You looking like I’m not the shit, nigga, change your face!”] idioms, spitfire punchlines/metaphors, witty barbs and stinging personals left and right, this close and competitive battle stands out even more due to each battler bringing their A-game. That said, with Real Deal’s more versatile artillery (which also featured some off-the-dome heat) and crowd-friendly antics upping his performance game, it’s the slightly more condensed Pittsburgh battler who does just enough to edge rounds 1 and 3 for the win.

Verdict: Real Deal (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Real Deal – “Ok, so what happens when the Black dude goes up against the White dude & the White wins?, Aiiiight then! better go home and tell ’em I’m light-skinned!”

Tay Roc defeats Rich Dolarz

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Recap: With Tay Roc and Rich Dolarz battling each other you’d expect a good showing and they did exactly that. Rich built his rounds around themes (Roc being “dirty”, joining Dot Mobb because he wants to be Mook, stealing ideas for bars and allegedly “lying” a lot in his rhymes) that for most part worked, especially in round 3 which saw Dolarz drop this gem: “When people hear Tay Roc the first thing they hear is Dot Mobb, I built my own name, you wouldn’t even fucking try, it’s Mook, Rex, K then you, for me that wouldn;t fucking fly, you below the son and for you that’s fucking fine, so even when it’s cloudy out you’ll still be under shine”. Still, for all of Dolarz’ originality and subject matter, his set-ups took too long and outside his motifs, there wasn’t much bite in his bar game (that is, outside of repeating other rapper lines to make a point). A worthy performance still by Rich, but with the type of heat Roc was spitting in the first couple of rounds, winning was not an option. If Roc’s first round wasn’t enough in hard-hitting (“Tried to tell you I’m a Hitman you could holler if you want, if you owe me I’m find him with the pump, it’s like I’m St. Louis in ‘Players Club’, I’ll put Dolarz [Dolla] in the trunk”) bars and execution, his second was a pure classic with a steady of name flips, (“i seen you out in Detroit I know your hood’s mad, Factor should drop the ‘X’ off his name you made it look bad”) personals, (“Look at Smack like Alpo because he set up Rich to get killed!”) haymakers, tutorials, jokes, (“…knock his box off the screen like we playing X-box Connect”) execution and even a few shots at Calicoe just in case he wasn’t paying close enough attention. Roc all day.

Verdict: Tay Roc (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Tay Roc – “Two battles ago you was fucking dead, word up, you heard what the fuck I said, I’ll Pop off, dump the lead, knock off a chuck his head or I could put the dots on him like Wonder Bread”

QP (Qleen Paper) defeats Johnie Alcatraz

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Synopsis: Any boxing judge could tell you that sometimes what determines the winner of a fight isn’t the quantity of the punches or who landed the most, but the quality of the punches or who landed more haymakers. That’s the case here–a dope 1-round battle (love the visuals here!) that sees an elongated Johnny Alcatraz do little wrong except land exquisite bar after bar (“I lick shots and then the gun will peel, because hollow heads to the pipe will bring paper to the light like I’m trying to check if a hundred’s real”), so much so that you wouldn’t be wrong to think the sometimes unprepared QP having little chance at winning this battle. But when his turn finally arrives, a confident QP doesn’t break a sweat, launching into an all-encompassing palette of righteous heat that took on everything from ridiculing his opponent’s tongue ring and his hood credentials with well-executed boasts to fiery street talk to piercing punchlines with the “Little nigga, you couldn’t hold piss on a road trip!” bar serving as the nail in the coffin.

Verdict: QP (W) 1-0

Best line: QP – “While you was playing them school games, I was stuck on the block took up a tool trade, for the right fee, your team will step like Spike Lee off a School Daze!”

Calicoe defeats O-Red

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Synopsis: This is a tough one, because bar for bar O-Red (“With that being said it’s one rule if you wanna pass this nigga, don’t spit it like the last bitch nigga, cuz the way I left that faggot in a casket laying on chin chilla, even Gaylord Focker couldn’t have Ben Stiller”) had the better material here. But rap battles shouldn’t be judged on just bars as creativity, rebuttals, performance, delivery, etc. have to be taken into consideration too. And that’s why Calicoe gets the win here, winning rounds 2 and 3 with amazing performance lines, freestyles, jokes (even O-Red later admitted how over-the-top and funny Cal was (‘…Cal, you’ve done enough!’) in that classic 3rd with the storytelling), shit-talking, personals and rebuttals in front of a hostile Jersey crowd. Then too, anyone who’s seen the run O-Red’s been on of late knows that this wasn’t one of his best performances overall. Cal edged it.

Verdict: Calicoe (W) 2-1

Best line: O-Red – “You stealing from a seed that you raised?, I should open-hand you, you got your power from your son, you a solar panel”

Aye Verb defeats Hitman Holla

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Recap: Listen, you’d be a fool to not say that Aye Verb’s 3rd round was legendary, an epic tutorial, a classic round with the “Hey Big Gerald! ‘Yes Sir!’ Now that’s the way you’re supposed to speak to your son!” spiel undoubtedly going down in URL history as one of the greatest, showstopping moments in battle rap history. Ok, now that we got that out the way and we give Verb his much-deserved props, let’s remind ourselves that this was a 3-round battle, not just one. Thus, I got Hitman Holla edging the first round and come to think of it overall he may’ve been more consistent too. Holla had more hard-hitting personals, he schooled Verb too with the “It’s Rules You Learn As a Kid, Fuck Rap” lines, had better (“I walk in, all hugs from the bitches, the baddest, he walk in, tragic, no looks, Magic”) wordplay, the  ‘JR Smith’ remix was crazy and he had slightly less filler. None of that is to say that Verb didn’t show up during the first two rounds as his performance (esp. in round 2) was tight with a lot more variety, the “Holla, killing you gonna hurt me [shakes his head] way more than it’s gonna get to you” quip was hilarious (as was the Murphy Lee diss: “You just a little nigga’s, little nigga”). And tho I don’t think most people would have a problem with someone buying their first car at 24, Verb’s overall theme on how Holla isn’t as real as he portrays not only worked well, but would spark a host of copycats later on. A highly entertaining and closer battle then a lot of people give it credit for, what with Verb dropping more haymakers and this arguably being his best performance, Chaz took home the crown for St. Louis…for one day anyway.

Verdict: Aye Verb (W) 2-1

Favorite line: “I’m a one man slay special, get your whole gang wet up, I come to you first and then all they cribs, I’m like a chain letter”

Tsu Surf defeats Big T

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Synopsis: I don’t know if I’d call this a great battle or a classic, but it was a pretty good nonetheless because of the fact that both Surf and Big T came with it during all three rounds, therefore making it close throughout. Yet the overall edge here goes to Surf for these reasons: while Big T had some great lines (the set up for the Keenan Ivory Wayans scheme in round 3 was dope), alomng the way he hurt himself quite a bit with filler. On the other hand Surf was more consistently hard (esp. in round a brazen, punch/wordplay-heavy and classic round 3) and aggressive. Then too, while rounds 1 and 3 were debatable, I thought Surf clearly won round 2 with better personals, jokes and clever bars, while Big T repeated a couple of lame schemes towards the end of rounds that he might have won. I didn’t like Surf talking a bit of smack during Big T’s round, but Jersey still got this one.

Verdict: Tsu Surf (W) 2-1

Best line: Tsu Surf – “What female would want to put her face between these knees?, that friction could only give off a ranch dressing smell or cream cheese, bagel things!”

Cortez defeats Hollohan

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Recap: Already setting up his opponent’s love for illegal narcotics with very pointed personals in the earlier rounds, Cortez would take it to another level with a pretty mean (and classic) and thoro round 3, that was more lit on substance than craft. Still, for all of Cortez’s residual mayhem, race-baiting chatter and elicit STD personals, in this 3-rounder from KOTD, Hollohan did work hard to make things competitive, utilizing an aggressive use of ethnically-charged jokes, self-deprecating bars, fiery schemes and some ripping (“I fucked your bitch in your living room, that filthy ho was pathetic, more things happened on the couch than The Simpson’s opening credits!”) punches/wordplay to keep the battle close. However, in the end, it’s a more condensed Cortez who after getting edged in the 1st, scores with more heat to edge the 2nd, before his aforementioned 3rd seals the win.

Verdict: Cortez (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Cortez – “Real friends help you make yourself, if I was him as a fake friend I would hate myself, all the ‘roids and the cocaine I would hate my health, if I’m the reason my man’s dead, I would take myself!”

Iron Solomon defeats Avalanche

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Recap: From Detroit, a mostly pedestrian Avalanche scores (esp. in round 3) with some witty personals here and there, but in this 3-rounder hosted by Bizarre from D12, it’s all Iron Solomon. The NYC battler going ham (especially during a classic, back-to-back haymaker-drenched round 2) with a boatload of hitting personals and flexing punchlines/name flips to earn the 30.

Verdict: Iron Solomon (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Iron Solomon – “And all this rah-rah shit, you need to stop trying it, your image is like your album…nobody’s buying it!”

Real Deal defeats Ness Less

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Recap: A real good one here from Grind Time as Ness Less and Real Deal (esp. during a brazen and classic round 2) get really spicy with the personals when they weren’t dropping a bunch of solid rebuttals and hard-hitting punchlines. An ill battle straight through that also featured some dope wordplay and similes from both battlers, we got Ness taking round 1 before Real Deal came back to edge the latter two rounds for the win.

Verdict: Real Deal (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Real Deal – “Loose cannon, I’m deadly, Bruce, Brandon, you deal Lee!”

Dizaster defeats DNA

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Recap: An hour long battle with an unlimited 3rd, Dizaster versus DNA contains almost all the elements of battle rap that a true fan can appreciate: competitive throughout, nice freestyle darts from each side, fiery rebuttals, wily personals that brought out the old Grind Time days, rampant (“You gonna try an rebuttal everything I say, don’t act like you fucking not, but it’s cool, ‘cuz a good rebuttal means that I had to say something hot!”) boasts, righteous name flips, pointed impressions of each other, heavy-handed schemes, witty (Diz: “The day you beat me is the day everyone in Canada considers Snow an actual Rasta!:) barbs and a shitload of nifty punchlines. That said, after a more angle-prepped and versatile DNA edges the 1st round, minus way one too many mentions of Cortez, it’s a more consistently punch-heavy Dizaster who makes a comeback and takes the latter two rounds for the win.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Dizaster – “Two-thirds of his life has been a root canal!”

Calicoe defeats Math Hoffa

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Synopsis: Call this an upset because at the time of this battle there was nothing on Calicoe resume that could’ve made you even guess that he could pull off this total dismantling of Math Hoffa. From the superb “golddigger” bar to stepping in Math’s grill with the “Dose” line to taking shots at Math’s NYB crew to calling out Loaded Lux in round 3, Calicoe puts on a total show with an all-around dope performance featuring hot bars and wicked (“What you ’bout 6’6″?, It don’t even matter you still a big bitch”) personals. Of course, Math would later try to blame this on the crowd rooting for the ‘underdog’ and him going through some drama that morning. But no one told Math to try and punk Calicoe early in his 1st round, much less dress up like the Unabomber for a battle. But whatever, in setting up his upcoming battle against Loaded Lux, Calicoe just used Math Hoffa like a rag doll and that’s what you call a “landslide”, indeed.

Verdict: Calicoe (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Calicoe – “Straight disrespect talk to all of ya men reckless, my chrome, man that bitch keep banging more that Karrine Steffans”

Swave Sevah defeats QP

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Synopsis: Swave Sevah’s reputation for administering bodybags was put on full display here. As the Team Homi capo tosses aside QP’s slick wordplay/punches and jokes with a plethora of righteous bully talk, rigid name flips, raucous punchlines, a classic 2nd round tutorial (‘Tell ’em…’) on exposing your opponent and witty barbs to boot. And with Sevah scoring even when breaking down his own bars, this Grind Time battle would become a one-sided affair with the more versatile and consistently hitting Swave handily taking all 3 rounds rounds over his topsy-turvy opp..

Verdict: Swave Sevah (W) 3-0

Best lines: Swave Sevah – “You waste of a SON, you that nut that should’ve bust on some titties!”

Tech-9 defeats Midwest Miles

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Synopsis: The maturity of a one-time “champion” is on total display here as Tech-9 not only puts on a great performance, but brings along bars, stories, personals, crowd control, aggression and schemes that meet the high standards of his show (clearly a 180 from Tec’s Lion’s Den days, where he too often tried to be funny instead of delivering consistent and coherent bars along with punchlines). The only question here is whether or not this is Tech at his peak because the former, self-proclaimed “URL champion” hasn’t been the same since.

Verdict: Tech-9 (W) 3-0

Best line: Tech’s whole Round 1 is just classic material. but that “too many weapons, too many maybachs, all this talk about you swerving the jag, you a taxi driver the only thing you serving is cabs, you gotta beat your co-workers to the spot” line was fire.

Pat Stay defeats Marv Won

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Synopsis: Marvwon got the empathy votes from the judges but not me. Yes, Pat Stay’s personal bars were super mean, but being able to say the most disrespectful shit possible (Pat Stay: “I’m a fucking battle rapper, we’re the rudest fucking people on earth”) is part of the essence of battle rap. For that reason, along with the hilarious jokes and personals, it was Pat Stay who clearly got this.

Verdict: Pat Stay (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Marvwon – “Look, he looking sad right now, he gonna front like he can’t get a cab right now”

Tsu Surf defeats K Shine

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Recap: Crazy, dope and classic first round by K-Shine, piling up points with ease via a plethora of hitting personals, wild storytelling bars and nice (“Free my brother Surf on that strapped charge, but two months later he’s on a Smack card, talking about I’m back y’all, now either that’s odd or that’s the fastest three-and-a-half I’ve ever seen for a gat charge!”) anecdotes on Tsu Surf’s resume in and outside the battle ring. Yet, Shine’s early lead gets overtaken by Surf’s continuous onslaught of Dot Mobb (“Rex you’ll haul ass before you ever get a bruise on you, heard you ain’t wake up til Friday, when Ice put the cubes on you”!) jokes/personals, sizzling performance bars and gritty (“All my guns from Atlanta, low prices I get more for less, aim it at that bright pink and yellow jackets with these Georgia tek’s”) street talk. So while it’s Shine who comes away with the most memorable round, Surf”s rampant execution throughout and Shine’s way-too-short 3rd, leaves the kid from Jersey with what’s most important and that’s the win.

Verdict: Tsu Surf (W) 2-1

Favorite line: K Shine – “Tsunami Surf?!? [hmmph] Nigga, ain’t nutin’ wavy about you!”

QB (Black Diamond) and Dutchess [DEBATABLE]

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Recap: Dutchess has enough potent bars, wordplay and a dope delivery to be a problem for any female battle rapper. And the Bronx battler showed it here, going toe-to-toe with the forever disrespectful (as shown here, even the kids can get it too) QB on Queen of the Ring for two rounds of straight heat. I got an aggressive and straight venomous QB clearly taking the 1st round (a classic) and the more heavy punching Dutchess clearly taking the 2nd (“Talking about I suck dick and kiss my daughter and brother in the mouth, bitch you a yung’in, you suck dick and kiss your mother in the mouth!”). But after the ladies spent so much energy in the first couple of rounds, they both would barely limp through the deciding round 3. And without either one doing anything spectacular, we can safely call this one even.

Verdict: TIE

Favorite line: QB – “You got a 5 dollar foot long face!”

Hollow Da Don defeats Goodz

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Synopsis: Ok, while overall this was a dope and competitive battle, a couple of things really frustrated me about it. First, there was Hollow’s man, clearly high as fuck with his constant interruptions that could’ve easily wrecked his man’s flow. Then, of course, there’s Goodz choice in round 3 to get upset at a heckler in the crowd and forfeit a match he had a chance at winning, since I had the batted tied (Goodz edging the 1st while Hollow, in what was a sublime turn, clearly took the 2nd) going into the final round. Also, significant in this battle IMO was Hollow calling out Hitman Holla at the end of his 3rd round, which showed how much respect Hitman was getting after beating Arsonal. As for the battle itself, ultimately it’s Hollow’s stronger punch game (he even had a fire rebuttal in the middle of his written’s during the 3rd), consistently and versatility that gets him the win here as after a bullish (“You lost to Arsonal….clearly, no debating!!!”) 1st, Goodz’s bar potency really went downhill in both of the latter rounds.

Verdict: Hollow da Don (W) 2-1

Best line: Hollow Da Don – “His man Charlie Clips did one battle and he thinks he’s Top 3 now, how we supposed to believe Charlie got clips when we only seen three rounds?!”

Jonny Storm defeats Dizaster

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Recap: Granted, one too many eyebrow jokes from Jonny Storm in this Grind Time battle versus Dizaster. But with Diz choking away his 3rd round to go along with a sharper lyrically, equally potent with the personals and more versatile showing that included a classic and flawless, rapping-over-a-beat performance from Jonny in the final round, after two debatable rounds (which certainly defies the comments section, but whatever), Storm gets this one in the end.

Verdict: Jonny Storm (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Jonny Storm – “You just mad you got the same eyebrows as the dad from American Pie!”

Hitman Holla defeats Arsonal da Rebel

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Synopsis: A highly anticipated matchup (with both battlers bringing their A-game when it came to promoting this battle) on URL Hitman ended up taking pretty easy, this battle remains noteworthy to this day. First, there’s a filler-prone Arsonal, partly stuck in GrindTime mode (jokes over bars, with too many of them coming off as lame here) while also struggling with his similes (to think, it would take awhile for him to get over ‘squidwords clarinet’), jokes, longwindedness and disrespectful zingers to the point that the Jersey crowd booed him in the 3rd round (ironically, his best round where is scored here as debatable after Holla clearly took rounds 1 and 2). Secondly, Hitman’s more direct, short and condensed rounds was on point here as nary a bar was wasted. Finally, overall Hitman just had better punches, crowd control/storytelling/performance (esp. the classic Arsonal/T-Rex story arc in rd. 2), jokes, personals and to top it off, a killer opening/mid-round freestyle: “His homeboy keep talking while I’m rapping, not cool!, the contact said I can’t hit this nigga, not you!” And two words after that…ball game.

Verdict: Hitman Holla (W) 2-1

Best line: Hitman Holla – “Talking about you ran blocks…nigga in your school but you wouldn’t run traffic lights!”

Dizaster defeats Swave Sevah

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Synopsis: This could easily go down as “debatable”, especially what with Swave predicting how Dizaster would deliver his bars in round 1. But in front of a hostile crowd (watch Swave’s people’s clearly attempting to punk Diz while he rhymed) with some nice freestyle’s mixed in throughout and slightly better punches in round 3, I edged it for Dizaster (who deserves props alone for going after some boo-birds in the audience).

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1

Best line: Dizaster – “If you and me had the same phone, I’d jack your charger!”

Instant classic – Cormega guest-hosting and Poison Pen’s big ass sandwich

Dizaster defeats Nocando (Rematch)

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Recap: Old battle rap pals/adversaries Nocando and Dizaster matchup in a loud and highly entertaining clash that featured a whole lot of hitting personals, freestyles and wicked bars. Yet, for the most part (and most likely because they knew each other so well) it was Dizaster who seemed to be prepared for everything Nocando had to spit. After Nocando challenged his opponent’s realness (“You’re so much of a botch that if you ran away from home, you’d come home pregnant from the animal shelter”) and authenticity (“You could be a ghostwrider for Flo Rida”) in round 1, Diz rebutted hard with the “You so white bro, you sound like the ghostwriter fro Fort Minor” quip and went on to take the first round with wild anecdotes, winning (“James, whoever gave you your fashion tips, was on 800 acid hits”) personals and crowd-pleasing (“You been a skinny guy since Biggie died”) jokes. Nocando went completely left in round 2 with wild intergalactic tales, juicy personals, hard bars and some dope freestyles, but Diz edged the round with more hitting (“He keeps his pants tight like Kid Twist when it’s dance night”) personals, on-the-spot (”Yeah, go ahead predict the bar! That just shows and confirms the fact that even you know how much of a bitch you are!”) rebuttals and crazy performance bars. Nocando won the 3rd with probably the best lines (“You said I sniff coke with your homies, you have imaginary friends”, “Ooooh, that’s the face your girl makes every time I stick my dick in her, I’m like a constellation and she’s like the Big Dipper”) of the round, but overall too many slight stumbles, a lack of consistency and Diz’s more consistent passion, personal themes and aggression ended up costing him in the end in what was still a dope battle nonetheless.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Dizaster – “You are as dark as Marlon Wayays, but only because you’re also a White Chick”

Iron Solomon defeats E. Ness

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Recap: “I ain’t gonna rap about your background or origin”. Iron Solomon gets behind the wheel and immediately shifts to full throttle with former Da Band member E. Ness standing in the way, dropping (“See Ness makes music that’s blunt guts trash, so when he played his two hits for Puff, Puff passed”) haymakers on his career, landing with punchlines after (“Far as gangsters, you the biggest bitch of the century, this ain’t even my verse, I’m just reading the words to his Wikipedia entry”) punchlines and flexing hard with congenial wordplay and roundhouse bars to put this one away early. And yet the irony here is that while Iron got a 3-0, Ness prevented a body by actually performing pretty solid here, what with a poised flow that helped his delivery, spitting much less filler than you usually see from him and executing bars (“I call dap and doe like it’s John McEnroe, bout to serve his ass back to the White Rapper Show”) along with (“This faggot wear glasses, so fuck the scare tactics, y’all lookin’ at the next contestant on Fear Factor, so from this point on, and here after he should be B.F.Fs with the StairMaster”) personals with the confidence of a vet. That said, judging from Solomon’s over-the-top (“Cause I guess Michael Jordan always needs someone to dunk on, and if I ain’t the Jordan of the shit, there’s no one that’s closer”) cockiness on display throughout this battle, that this matchup would serve as the gist to his own demise a couple of years at the hands of Murda (hey it was Solomon who called him out at the end there) Mook, to some, would only serve him right.

Verdict: Iron Solomon (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Iron Solomon – “I know some spitting pythons who be getting they rhyme on, way better than E. Ness, my list is six guys long, the six men who recite songs better than you is Mysonne and the top five are Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, and Dylan!”

Pat Stay defeats Hollohan

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Recap: A couple of ex-best friends, Hollohan and Pat Stay, battling on the KOTD stage makes for a gang of mean personals, witty barbs and belittling narratives on what being a true friend means. A competitive dance throughout with some fierce punchlines from each battler thrown in, after splitting the first two rounds it’s a more consistently spicy Pat Stay who edges the deciding 3rd round for the win.

Verdict: Pat Stay (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Pat Stay – “And you say you write my shit? Yeah right, I can’t even show my raps to Jeff, shit I be telling him one of my new lines and he’d be like ‘hold up let me grab a pen!'”

Kaboom defeats Tay Roc*

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Recap: Over a decade later and this classic Lionz Den battle between Tay Roc and Kaboom still has a cloud of controversy over its head. The debate centering around whether or not this was a 4-round battle to begun with or if it went the usual 3 rounds with an OT round thanks to the judges or if the 4th round was just Roc and Boom giving the fans an extra round for fun, knowing that it wouldn’t count in the end. I’m going with the latter and got Boom winning this in 3. After all, most Lionz Den battles were 3 rounds long. Then too, the fact that Roc turned around and spit his bars 1st (after going 2nd all through the earlier rounds) in the extra round should tell you that this was a bonus turn. That said the decision here is pretty clear with Roc’s consistently lit, street themed bars handily taking round 1 before an elongated, but aggressive, witty at times, mocking, boastful and punch-heavy Boom clearly took rounds 2 and 3 for the win over what could arguably be seen as two of the two most basic rounds Roc has ever spit. However, let it also be said that Roc’s 4th is a certfied classic with its fiery storytelling, brazen punches and stellar intermixing of noted Philly rappers.

Verdict: Kaboom (W) 2-1, Tay Roc (W) OT

Favorite line: Kaboom – “You wack, your mixtape is a frisbee, take this filthy nigga back to Walt Disney!”

Hollow da Don defeats Big T

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Synopsis: Hollow got the win here, but this battle was a lot closer than people give it credit for as Big T’s round 1 and 2 was pure fire and he definitely provided Hollow with some comp throughout. Still, tho it’s Hollow’s rebuttals, sublime bars (his 3rd round is an undeniable classic) and obviously the fat jokes that kept da Don lit. But then too Big T’s round 3, while equipped with a few shiners, was overall just too long, bland and repetitive (you could say that 7 times).

Verdict: Hollow da Don (W) 2-1

Best line: Hollow da Don – “You could ask my NYB niggas, I’m hot like Jay flow is in Marcy, and you gonna take the L like you about to go to Canarsie”

Math Hoffa defeats T-Rex

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Recap: Long-awaited showdown between T-Rex and Math Hoffa serves as the first ever URL.TV Main Event, making it a classic no matter what went down. That said, overall it’s Rex’s delivery that lets him down (i.e. ‘girl let me thriller’ – ‘Thriller’?; “I be in Math house when I want some head, I’m ass naked in his living room like ‘Math you want some eggs'”?!?) at times, but Rex’s consistent (“Move!, he pissed Rex off, now he seeing tek’s drawn, dots on his Lex door like I’m playing Connect Four”) aggression and a lazy, joke-heavy 2nd round from Math lets Rex even things up after Math got the first with better punches (“I’m like an A-bomb popping off, Molotov, I spit a Molotov cocktail and spit a Holocaust!”) and versatility. Although Rex still had some gritty (“Little sister had a problem with me digging her out, she was so young I made the Airplane noise tp put my dick in her mouth”) bars left at the end, but last round sees Math win it gripping (“No matter who you battle, you never gonna shine ’cause you living in Mook’s shadow”) personals, wild jokes and a richer performance.

Verdict: Math Hoffa (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Math Hoffa – “You should take Viagra, you might get a little taller”