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Dizaster

Dizaster defeats Henry Bowers

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Recap: A 3-round battle lit with personals, it’s the beard barbs and Arab jokes that especially standout in this raucous match between Dizaster and Henry Bowers. But in the first couple of rounds, it’s a more consistent with the punches, haymaker-spouting and rebuttal-dishing Dizaster who takes each one for the win, before a more punch-worthy Bowers easily takes the 3rd.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Dizaster – “That thing on your face is so hideous, I don’t even know why you’re so proud of it, you’re not even a human with a beard, you’re just a bread with a human growing out of it!”

Dizaster defeats DNA

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Recap: An hour long battle with an unlimited 3rd, Dizaster versus DNA contains almost all the elements of battle rap that a true fan can appreciate: competitive throughout, nice freestyle darts from each side, fiery rebuttals, wily personals that brought out the old Grind Time days, rampant (“You gonna try an rebuttal everything I say, don’t act like you fucking not, but it’s cool, ‘cuz a good rebuttal means that I had to say something hot!”) boasts, righteous name flips, pointed impressions of each other, heavy-handed schemes, witty (Diz: “The day you beat me is the day everyone in Canada considers Snow an actual Rasta!:) barbs and a shitload of nifty punchlines. That said, after a more angle-prepped and versatile DNA edges the 1st round, minus way one too many mentions of Cortez, it’s a more consistently punch-heavy Dizaster who makes a comeback and takes the latter two rounds for the win.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Dizaster – “Two-thirds of his life has been a root canal!”

Dizaster defeats Everybody Knows [Rematch]

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Recap: A second outing between Dizaster and Everybody Knows goes about the same way as the first with Dizaster dishing a roundhouse of Asian/Vietnamese jokes and other spirited punchlines to score an easy 30 over his much less potent opponent.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “I’m not about to lose to my computer technician!”

Dizaster defeats SMP

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Recap: A last-minute replacement for Hollohan, SMP puts up a decent showing with self-deprecating shiners and some witty (“Your BROWser’s bigger than Google’s”) personals that had the crowd howling. But outside of struggling with his delivery and freestyle game in round two, Dizaster’s rampant fat (“Why the fuck are your shoulder blades oval shaped?”) jokes and off the dome (“I can tell you had an awesome breakfast!”) personals in the 1st and 3rd rounds were just way too much for his opponent to keep up with.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Dizaster -“Last time I went to New York I removed the torch from the statue, last time you went to New York, the Ghostbusters attacked you”

Dizaster defeats Adi

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Recap: Against the very basic raps of Holland battle rapper Adi, Dizaster has an easy time of it, using plenty of raunchy/stifling personals, boastful shiners, witty barbs and raucous mayhem/punchliens over the course of 3 rounds to get the win.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “You’re such a dick-rider you leave comments on my battles before they come out!”

Dizaster defeats Real Deal

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Recap: Gotta go with the judges on this one as after the two split the first two rounds, a slightly more consistently spicy Dizaster edges the deciding (and less raucous) 3rd round over Real Deal in what was a pretty blazing, personal-centric, freestyle-spazzing opus when the Diz and Real Deal rapped without a beat during the first couple of rounds.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Dizaster – “Muthafucka…you look like a Budweiser truck driver!”

Shotty Horroh defeats Dizaster

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Recap: Even with Shotty Horroh having the advantage of using written rhymes as opposed to Dizaster who freestyled the whole way (not sure how or why that happened), Diz uses his adept off-the-dome skills and wily personals/punches to keep things entertaining and close throughout this 3-round battle. But Shotty’s ability to score with fervent breakdowns/imitations, a wide range of Muslim jokes and righteous personals/punchlines/mayhem that for the most part hit, ended up being too much for Diz in the end.

Verdict: Shotty Horroh (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Shotty Horroh – “You don’t practice what you preach…you practice preaching!”

Jonny Storm defeats Dizaster

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Recap: Granted, one too many eyebrow jokes from Jonny Storm in this Grind Time battle versus Dizaster. But with Diz choking away his 3rd round to go along with a sharper lyrically, equally potent with the personals and more versatile showing that included a classic and flawless, rapping-over-a-beat performance from Jonny in the final round, after two debatable rounds (which certainly defies the comments section, but whatever), Storm gets this one in the end.

Verdict: Jonny Storm (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Jonny Storm – “You just mad you got the same eyebrows as the dad from American Pie!”

Dizaster and Caustic [DEBATABLE]

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Recap: Similar styles, similar wit and similar intensity in this Grind Time battle between Caustic and Dizaste, which sees them both go equally at it with the meanest personals, hip freestyles, race (Caustic: “I am whiter than the flag’s you use to surrender!”) jokes and fierce braggadocio bars. A two-round battle that should’ve easily been a 3, when considering the level of talent, with a share of haymakers and off-the-dome one-liners mixed in by each battler, each round was pretty even.

Verdict: TIE

Favorite line: Dizaster -“You’re a redneck, that gets nervous whenever he’s not near…a cold can of tall bear!”

Dizaster defeats QP

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Recap: I have no idea how serious a battle this was. QP mentioned it being his 3rd battle that day, it’s only a one-rounder and it turned into a virtual PSA against DNA near the end. Still, combined with a couple of stumbles by QP, Dziaster spazzes on his opponent with enough psychedelic (“Psychological warfare, yunno I was obviously gonna go there, it’s something me and the Illuminati both share”) wordplay, crazy personals and a hilarious/dead-on Soul Khan impression to take first prize.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 1-0

Favorite line: QP – “Krack City don’t get a mention now, why’s this?, and how come the only black in your circle is your eyelids?!”

Dizaster defeats Sensa

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Recap: As loud, boisterous, personals and able to pull off some off-the-dome heat as his opponent, UK rapper Sensa makes Dizaster’s Don’t Flop debut a competitive one. But Diz’s penchant for adding humor to his overexcited mix along with a flair for more buoyant anecdotes/personals, spicy rebuttals and head-ringing punchlines/mayhem, gives him both of the opening rounds before a debatable 3rd.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Dizaster – “I’ll fucking take your bitch and bust semen on her reading glasses!”

Dizaster defeats Jerzy Swift

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Recap: A steady stream of nimble bars from his opponent like “I say I got the juice and this nigga Kool Aid, son you mad sweet” allows Dizaster to bring ‘Saddam out the cave’ and go ham with a barrage of glistening freestyles, strong personals, off-the-wall (“I bet your father looks like a Somalian Rob Reiner”) jokes and wild punchlines to add a bodybag to his resume with the headline titled “Jerzy Swift”.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “You’re so wack, after your last round even the crickets were in the background like ‘What the fuck?!'”

Dizaster defeats Swave Sevah

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Synopsis: This could easily go down as “debatable”, especially what with Swave predicting how Dizaster would deliver his bars in round 1. But in front of a hostile crowd (watch Swave’s people’s clearly attempting to punk Diz while he rhymed) with some nice freestyle’s mixed in throughout and slightly better punches in round 3, I edged it for Dizaster (who deserves props alone for going after some boo-birds in the audience).

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1

Best line: Dizaster – “If you and me had the same phone, I’d jack your charger!”

Instant classic – Cormega guest-hosting and Poison Pen’s big ass sandwich

Dizaster defeats Nocando (Rematch)

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Recap: Old battle rap pals/adversaries Nocando and Dizaster matchup in a loud and highly entertaining clash that featured a whole lot of hitting personals, freestyles and wicked bars. Yet, for the most part (and most likely because they knew each other so well) it was Dizaster who seemed to be prepared for everything Nocando had to spit. After Nocando challenged his opponent’s realness (“You’re so much of a botch that if you ran away from home, you’d come home pregnant from the animal shelter”) and authenticity (“You could be a ghostwrider for Flo Rida”) in round 1, Diz rebutted hard with the “You so white bro, you sound like the ghostwriter fro Fort Minor” quip and went on to take the first round with wild anecdotes, winning (“James, whoever gave you your fashion tips, was on 800 acid hits”) personals and crowd-pleasing (“You been a skinny guy since Biggie died”) jokes. Nocando went completely left in round 2 with wild intergalactic tales, juicy personals, hard bars and some dope freestyles, but Diz edged the round with more hitting (“He keeps his pants tight like Kid Twist when it’s dance night”) personals, on-the-spot (”Yeah, go ahead predict the bar! That just shows and confirms the fact that even you know how much of a bitch you are!”) rebuttals and crazy performance bars. Nocando won the 3rd with probably the best lines (“You said I sniff coke with your homies, you have imaginary friends”, “Ooooh, that’s the face your girl makes every time I stick my dick in her, I’m like a constellation and she’s like the Big Dipper”) of the round, but overall too many slight stumbles, a lack of consistency and Diz’s more consistent passion, personal themes and aggression ended up costing him in the end in what was still a dope battle nonetheless.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Dizaster – “You are as dark as Marlon Wayays, but only because you’re also a White Chick”

Dizaster defeats HFK

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Recap: HFK does a pretty dope Dizaster impression and kicks some witty personals and jokes along the way. But in the 3-rounder from KOTD, a more consistent and performance-heavy Dizaster proves to be too much for his opponent, hitting HFK with quality freestyles, a gang of stinging racial wisecracks/personals, rich storytelling schemes and piercing/quick-witted punchlines to take all 3 rounds and get the vic.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0

Favorite line:  Dizaster – “How the hell is Islam your religion when you spend Ramadan in the kitchen?!?”

Dizaster defeats A-Class

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Recap: Hey, if you’re gonna argue about Diz going way too ham with the stereotypical Asian jokes then the same’s gotsa be said about all the dudes who milk Arab jokes against Diz….btw, that “don’t have to grab a snack every time I hear a cat meow” rebuttal by Diz was extra mean!

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “I fucking hate spicy mayonnaise!”

Dizaster defeats Monk McNasty

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Recap: A sometimes hitting Monk Mcnasty does his best comedy routine, dishes a few Arabic jokes and spouts some steely narratives here against Dizaster to stay competitive. But over the course of 3 rounds Diz’s rampant freestyle game, punch-heavy theatrics and witty personals prove to be too much for McNasty and gets Diz the 3-0.

Verdict: Monk McNasty (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Monk McNasty – “Man, fuck you and Genghis Khan, man the way you look right now you make me wanna mail a bomb to the nearest nail salon!”

Dizaster defeats Vision

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Recap: For two guys with only 10 minutes prep, you can’t ask for much more than this dope, freestyle battle between Dizaster and Vision. Indeed, the competition was tight for all 3 rounds. And while Vision stayed steady with his off-the-dome skills and made for some solid punches throughout, a more witty, impromptu and biting with the personals Diz does enough to take all 3 rounds in the end.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “This muthafucka wrote a horoscope a letter and it wrote him back, it said ‘Dear Homie, this is your zodiac, you already know you’re fat and you didn’t need us to show you that’!“

Dizaster defeats Organik

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Recap: Yeah, KOTD founder Organik has been running the infamous Canadian league for so long that you couldn’t be faulted if you forgot that he used to be a battle rapper himself. And while Organik’s effort here against Dizaster is solid, one too many pedestrian bars in addition to Diz’s hilarious personals, frenetic punchlines and spiteful boasts over the course of 3 rounds were just way too much and should have you questioning the acumen of the two judges at the end who thought this mostly one-sided battle should go to (Yes, there is an O.T. round for this battle, but with Grind Time’s noted love for overtime battles that had no rhyme or reason to go there, I’m not including it here) O.T.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “You stupid fuck, what the fuck is a Canuck?!?”

Dizaster defeats MR. ET

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Synopsis: Clearly MR. ET had no idea what he was getting into as his generic bars were no match for Dizaster’s name flips, personals, freestyles and all-around shit-talking.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “You ain’t really hype with the goons, faggot go fly a bike over a moon!”

Dizaster defeats Surgeon General

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Recap: Surgeon General’s aggressive and at times witty personals gets him off to a hot start here against Dizaster, but halfway through his choice to lean on more lyrical darts hurts in the end as the General’s oft-pedestrian bars in both the 3rd and 4th rounds allows Diz’s already bodacious (“You threaten kids on the Net, but you never end up scrapping, the punchlines are like your punches in real life…they both never happen!”) rants and other eccentric boasts/punches to easily take the latter rounds for the win.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-1

Favorite line: Surgeon General – “I saw you in the car you’re in, you and Illmaculate battle look like Bert and Ernie arguing!”

PH defeats Dizaster

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Recap: An OT battle just because the fans requested it?!? Well, that’s Grind Time for ya. Still, thank goodness PH (who I thought edged it in regulation, 2-1) came prepared for the extra round, continuing to deliver stinging (“Eyebrow hair so fucking think, one raised eyebrow could raise roofs”) jokes, personals and punchlines to beat out Dizaster’s constant aggression, but inconsistent execution, storytelling bars and wordplay.

Verdict: PH (W) OT

Favorite line: PH – “I seen cyclones and tornadoes destroy everything in they path, you’re more like a handheld fan, a silent fart out a fat bitch’s ass”

Locksmith defeats Dizaster

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Recap: Grind Time battle between Dizaser and Locksmith contains a boatload of over-the-top personals, raucous jokes and frenzied punchlines from both battlers. But while his opponent kept it close for a couple of rounds, a more consistent Locksmith would still edge the first two rounds before a 3rd round choke from Diz gave Lock the 30.

Verdict: Locksmith (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Locksmith – “Every time I call Sprint, I gotta talk to one of your cousin’s in Istanbul!”

Dizaster defeats Everybody Knows

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Synopsis: An Asian battle rapper versus an Arab battle rapper, so what you’d expect besides a lot of ethnic jokes and racialist wordplay? And after witnessing this battle, let’s just say Dizaster would make for a much better xenophobe.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “How dare Harold challenge me to a rhyme battle? This is the thanks I get for taking this faggot to White Castle”

Illmaculate defeats Dizaster

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Recap: More intricate with his schemes and more gripping with his personals, but also helped by a steadier flow and some witty bars, in this 3 rounds plus OT battle from Grind Time Illmaculate takes the 1st, 2nd and 4th rounds from the always aggressive and very solid, but not quite as consistent here Dizaster.

Verdict: Illmaculate (W) 3-1

Favorite line: Illmaculate – “Dude is getting mad hyped but you sound stupid and you cram rhymes, only thing natural about Dizaster is losing my a landslide!”

Vokab defeats Dizaster

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Recap: The dancing-while-rapping thing still kind of leaves you scratching ya head. But against the raucous, yet in this case pretty mediocre raps of Dizaster, opponent VoKab scores with enough hairy jokes and earnest punches to get the win in this 2-round freestyle battle from Tourettes Without Regrets.

Verdict: VoKab (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “I was trying to stare him in his eyes, but I got lost in his eyebrows!”

Dizaster defeats Reverse Live

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Recap: Grind Time used to have so many battles go into overtime that one can’t help but wonder how many battle rappers would bring 4 rounds with them instead of the standard 3. That said, here’s another GT battle that had no business going into OT, as a more consistently potent, aggressive and witty Dizaster clearly took the 1st and 3rd rounds versus Reverse Live before going OT and landing one more haymaker to take the final round too.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-1

Favorite line: Dizaster – “I hate when rappers come down here acting so damn hard, you look like Roseanne Barr swallowed a whole damn car!”

Dizaster defeats Triune

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Recap: Two rounds, but not sure how seriously a prep-lacking Triune took the 2nd. That’s neither nor there when it comes to Dizaster tho as the L.A. battler coasted with a gang of witty personals and piercing punches to take each round for the win.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “I love the word bitch because if it wasn’t for that I wouldn’t know what to call you!”

The Saurus defeats Dizaster

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Recap: No doubt about it, the Saurus gets robbed here. The 2-time Scribble Jam champ equating Dizaster on quality punchlines, wit and personals, but edging the 1st round thanks to a Diz slip-up. Then after a debatable 2nd round, a more condensed The Saurus edges the 3rd with a steadier flow as well as one more haymaker. Yet another unnecessary OT from Grind Time was equally subpar on both sides, which makes that round a draw.

Verdict: The Saurus (W) 2-0-2

Favorite line: The Saurus – “We understand you’re faking, your from a land that’s vagrant, where fucking camel racing is known as public transportation!”

Dizaster defeats Taz

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Recap: Opponent Taz rhymes well and delivers some solid punchlines here and there. But a Dizaster on Beast-mode with steady aggression backed by consistently hardcore punches, raucous boasts and enough stereotypical Indian jokes to make Pocahontas happy was too much to beat in this highly energetic 2-rounder.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “I’ll clap the lead up, I’ll shoot the pipe, the doctor’s will wrap his head up like his future wife!”

Dizaster defeats I-Dub

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Recap: Able to score more with incendiary personals over aggressive boasts, Dizaster survives a 1st round deficit to a more condensed and punch-heavy I-Dub and comes back to take the latter two rounds from his way more pedestrian opponent to win this ObieOne 3-rounder in L.A.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Dizaster – “He’s sucking so much dick, he’s growing muscles on his lips!”

Dizaster defeats Nocando

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Recap: Took the crowd from this I Suppose Productions freestyle battle a minute to decide on going an extra 3rd round, but either way Dizaster had this one in the bag already, out-punching a pretty pedestrian Nocando in the opening rounds, before getting even more spicier/personal in the 3rd to complete the 3-0.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “Nocando, you stay wack, that’s a new hair color, we call it gray black!”

Dizaster and Dumbfounded [TIE]

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Recap: The difference between going first might’ve played a part in this 2-round freestyle battle between Dizaster and Dumbfounded as the host ruled beforehand that Diz would start off round 1 before the two switched turns in round 2. So after a filler prone and a bit flow-challenged Dizaster gets easily beaten back by a punch-heavier DF to open things up, Diz returns the exact same verdict in round 2, thus making this one a tie.

Verdict: TIE

Favorite line: Dizaster – “I’m an Arabian terrorist because I always bomb your mom’s pussy!”