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J Dose

Prez Mafia defeats J. Dose

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Recap: Despite both battlers struggling with their flow at times and making for debatable 2nd round, a lyrically bent J. Dose and a punchline-spazzing Prez Mafia still make for a solid 3-rounder on this KLBL card. However it’s Prez, consistently more potent and condensed overall, who easily takes teh 1st and 3rd rounds for the win.

Verdict: Prez Mafia (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Prez Mafia – “What’s popping Dose, let’s see if I can pull a Larkin off the belt [Bwoh!}, spin his head around, like he talking to himself!”

ZigZag defeats J Dose

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Recap: A robust ZigZag literally wilds out, dishing extended clips, residual (“Even if the medal ain’t round, you still getting beat…I love Go-go!”) shiners and flexing wordplay on a filler-drenched J Dose, who still after all these years later can’t survive the Math bars, much less the fake hand shakes.

Verdict: ZigZag (W) 3-0

Favorite line: ZigZag – “I got screws loose, I’m naturally with the shit…no prune juice!”

Hollaluyah Jones defeats J. Dose

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Recap: Against a pretty solid, raucous and aggressive J. Dose who’s probably heard it all by now about the infamous Math fight, Hollaluyah Jones does a dope job giving the incident barely a mention and instead uses a gang of hardbody punchlines, stifling gun bars and flexing wordplay to get the win in this competitive 1-rounder from Spittaz League.

Verdict: Hollaluyah Jones (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Hollaluyah Jones – “Your career?, ACL injury…low tier!”

K-Shine defeats J Dose

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Recap: Maybe he’s just been inspired by all the new guys around him…DNA, Big T, etc., all the dope lyricists in the NWX. Maybe he’s just remembering to eat his Wheaties every morning…ahhh, the heck with it. Whatever the reason, this 2015 version of K-Shine, whether battling solo and in 2-on-2’s, is on a killing spree, commanding the stage and dropping haymakers on a whim, spouting too-rich (“I’ll let that bitch fly for cheap, that’s rainbows, he could conversate from a box, let’s Tango!”) performance bars at a drop of a dime and rapidly delivering fiery bar after bar with little room to breath. As a lukewarm J. Dose found out here…zip him up, no debating.

Verdict: K-Shine (W) 1-0

Favorite line: K-Shine – “Stomach shot, head shot, niggas is moonwalking!”

Show Off defeats Dose

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Synopsis: Let’s face it: word is Dose only got his first match with Math Hoffa all those years ago as a last-second replacement. And he only got his rematch with Math because of the infamous punch that got loaded up on that SMACK DVD. In other words, if not for Math would Dose have ever made the URL stage to begin with? Yunno, on skills alone? As this battle shows, probably not.

Verdict: Show Off (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Show Off – “Your bitch call me Quasimodo, that’s my lingo, I’m only known for hump”

Ah Di Boom defeats J. Dose

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Synopsis: When Ah Di Boom’s bars matches his performance and delivery he’s good comp. for just about anyone, including Dose whose inconsistency and lack of creativity are still proving to be major flaws. Give Boom credit here too for mostly staying away from what would’ve been easy-to-run with Math bars and using his natural talent instead to get the win.

Verdict: Ah Di Boom (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Ah Di Boom – “This combo will put you in the same coma Lil’ Wayne had, shots hit every inch of your body ‘cuz my aim drag”

Math Hoffa defeats J. Dose

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Synopsis: First, major props to J. Dose for even showing up. I mean, serving as a punchline for so long after infamously getting decked on stage during a rap battle would probably make dudes go underground, get a job at UPS and never be heard from again…understandably so. Secondly, other than a decent 1st round that featured some too real bars on life since The Punch, it’s clear here that Dose–armed with too much filler, elongated rounds and lame schemes–just isn’t quite ready for the URL stage. Lastly, you get Math at his best: bars on deck, all-too-funny jokes, bully semantics and biting personals. Take out the fact that Math’s still making excuses for that lost to Calicoe and that one bar from Dose (“Cuz’ in these battle [world] niggas drop albums, and he still holding off well…one hit”) that had to hurt Math ego’s just a little bit and URL’s first ever rematch is nothing but Hoffa all day.

Verdict: Math Hoffa (W) 3-0

Best line: Math Hoffa – “I had this dude on the floor screaming out ‘Why me?’, I send four roman (roaming) your way you get the I V”

J Dose defeats Math Hoffa (DQ)

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Synopsis: Hell hath no fury like a rapper scorned. After all, part of what makes battle rap great is the pure tension in the air along with sheer machismo on display, especially when you put together two emcees who have a history of not liking each other personally. But still, the idea of the wrong word (or phrase) being said at a rap battle leading to all bets being called off and a fight erupting, is a whole ‘nother story and never good for the sport. Yet, in this case, what with Hoffa just getting flat-out disrespected after he allegedly warned Dose beforehand not to go there….well, sometimes a man’s gotsa do what he gotsa do.

Verdict: J Dose (W) 1-0

Best line: J Dose – “Keep a sawed off like woodshop class, Crook might blast, chrome to ya cranium, *click clack* BOOM! turn this dome to a stadium!”

Instant classic: Hoffa – “I was supposed to battle T-Rex, but he was scared”