No Bias. No Narratives.
Recap: Damn, they just walked into that “Who in here think Shiest raw?’ line by Bonnie Godiva, who also used a bunch of other hitting set-ups/punchlines, witty/aggressive personals and boastful barbs to easily beat the gritty, but mostly pedestrian stylings of Ms. Raw in this 1-rounder from WBL Philly.
Verdict: Bonnie Godiva (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Bonnie Godiva – “I hate you, you Black bitch…I’m Uncle Rufus nigga!”
Recap: Even if it’s just for only one round, two battle emcees going at it on 24-hours notice is always impressive. That said, with Danny Myers taking awhile before he really got in his bag and Emerson Kennedy dishing consistently nice (“All of your nigga’s hitters, but ya didn’t often know, is they running trains behind ya back like Mister Rogers show!”) schemes/bars that was only spoiled by a slip-up towards the end, let’s call this one even.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Danny Myers – “Beat you the fair way, he the type to tie his album to a kite just to get some airplay!”
Recap: A somewhat bizarre match between Math and Shotty Horror as Math shockingly takes a round off (which I don’t have a problem with considering that other athletes do it, like boxers and tennis players) and Shotty besides some nice Tupac schemes, surprisingly underwhelms before totally slipping up in round 3 and having to resort to freestyling in order to save him from a choke. That said, overall an easy win for Math, who despite at times struggling with his delivery, easily took rounds 1 and 3 with better penmanship, consistency and personals to gain a win in Manchester over one of Europe’s best.
Verdict: Math Hoffa (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Math Hoffa – “Now if you ain’t in Manchester, you probably can’t win fights, this slave went to the North so he could land [swings punch] his rights!”
Recap: QOTR 3-round main event between Phara Funeral and 40 B.A.R.R.S. had its moments of addressing rumors, spicy personals, fierce schemes and punch-heavy linguistics here and there, but for the most part settled into a solid bar-fest with a kill switch that surprisingly was never turned on when considering the seeming dislike these two had for each other. And while a sometimes prone to missteps Phara performed straight through without any unforced errors, a couple of elongated rounds and one too many aimless spins would help an aggressive, gritty and more steady with the heat 40 handily take both of the opening rounds for the win before a 3rd round debatable.
Verdict: 40 B.A.R.R.S. (W) 2-1
Favorite line: 40 B.A.R.R.S. – “How you a pioneer?, it only took me a year for me to get to P, that’s ‘cuz I’m raw, Salmonella, common codeine ain’t as sick as me!”
Recap: This was unfair. For all the talking these two did before this battle, the results are a one-sided affair that had you wishing someone had thrown in the towel for Don Ladyii after round 2. Funny too to see that Don Ladyii’s attempt to put QB’s alleged criminal past on blast didn’t go over well with the crowd…at all. Only Couture could pull that shit off. Again this was unfair….QB all day.
Verdict: QB (W) 3-0
Favorite line: QB – “So when that Mac-11 click shit, I been a feen, squeeze on a boss like Rick Ross in skinny jeans”
Recap: After a somewhat lackluster round by HBK, Jay Rell goes hard in the paint, delivers fiery bars with hitting jokes and shows why he belongs in the big leagues.
Verdict: Jay Rell (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Jay Rell – “This battle started bad, when I show him how this Tommy work, that’ll make Martin mad”
Synopsis: “Bully” vs, “Bully”, just what the fans had wanted. But based on experience and lyrics alone did anybody really think Shotgun had a chance? Despite a couple of early stumbles Math’s consistent personals, aggression, jokes and of course, bars like that just did a number on an over-matched from jump Suge–who while not aware that Tupac was actually born in New York, came with typical aggression, delivery, shit-talking (“You think life’s a fucking joke nigga, you gon fuck around with them fuck arounds and fuck around and get smoked nigga”) and even some hot bars (“you gonna catch a nugget in New York like number 7 from the Knicks”). Still, Math’s fat jokes (“he talk about he the shooter and the driver, cuz can’t nobody else fit in the whip'”) and that real talk during Round 1 about how Suge almost got Arsonal and Surf killed in Detroit, was more than enough for Brooklyn to take home the trophy.
Verdict: Math Hoffa (W) 3-0
Best line: Math Hoffa – “When Trick Trick stepped to Arsonal it was over you, if I was Surf I’d punch you in the face for what I’m gonna do, I guess this shit was overdue, a lesson learned for both of you, a shotgun does the most damage when it’s close to you”
Recap: Ajax kept it close here against Ty Law through two rounds thanks to a nice flow that spouted some dope (“I’m from Shark City where them heaters stay squeezing, you from PG County…where there’s PTA meetings”; “I’mma take this early, see the flow stupid cold [Cole], but I don’t date Big Shirley!”) bars and some fierce wordplay. But a lack of consistency with some filler here and there, a couple of slip-ups in the 3rd round and Law’s more steady punchlines game along with aggressive bully (“I’ll kick his features till his teeth is chipped, no cereal, I got him eating Kix [kicks]”) bars, ended up setting Ajax adrift.
Verdict: Ty Law (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ty Law – “This guy will get his kin killed when I pull a glock, bullets hot, thought he coudl touch me but now he looking shot, back down B, all you get is a wooden box!”
Recap: Good call by the host to end this one a little early as Danny Myers was just OD’ing on opponent Rachit here in this 1-rounder with $500 on the line. Indeed, while Rachit came with some gritty street missives, one too many subpar punches from him along with Myers rampant performance-rich bars, grandiose displays of mayhem, flexing punchlines/wordplay/schemes and jaunty personals were just too much in the end.
Verdict: Danny Myers (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Danny Myers – “You are battling the G.O.A.T. so that makes you the sacrificial lamb!”
Recap: From QOTR, a dope, competitive battle between Bonnie Godiva and a fiery Lexx Banko with Bonnie’s wit making the difference after the two split the opening rounds. A consistently raucous, but also funny at times Banks stayed on her opponent’s neck with plenty of rich mayhem, real street shit and head-ringing punchlines, while a more versatile Bonnie kept it aggressive and earnest with loaded schemes, piercing braggadocios lines, some fire name flips/wordplay and stifling personals/jokes. After the punch-heavier Godiva took the first and a gritty Lexx edged the 2nd, a pretty solid 3rd round from both battlers goes to the slightly punch-heavier Bonnie for the win.
Verdict: Bonnie Godiva (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bonnie Godgiva – “I know you chubby chasers like to eat the cake more than the twat!”
Recap: Well, at least Ash Cash’s hair looked really nice. Sporting some fire wordplay, a bunch of biting personals, piercing punchlines/boastful barbs and of course, helped too by the notoriously forgetful Ash Cash’s usual assortment of slip-ups and chokes, Viixen The Assassin gets an easy 30 in this 3-rounder from Barz N Brastrapz.
Verdict: Viixen The Assassin (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Viixen The Assassin – “You want to be a star so bad but you still got bum-bitch tendencies, how you expect to have the whole package when you lacking delivery!?”
Recap: Getting downright nasty and spitting line after scheming (“My fighting style is influential, you get dropped, that talk come to a stop before the hook come, that’s an instrumental”) line with straight confidence and flair, J. Murda forgoes the filler and puts a hurting on D. Skrillz–who came with some (“I ain’t brought you in this world little nigga, but I’ll take you the fuck out”) shine and got better as his round prolonged, but overall didn’t produce near enough heat to withstand Murda’s repeated fire.
Verdict: J. Murda (W) 1-0
Favorite line: J. Murda – “Loss, y’all gonna pay the price to your boss for not showing respect, it’s looking bad boy, ambulance ain’t got no special delivery, and about to pay your G. debt [G. Dep]”
Recap: Lil Dave is funny as hell, came creative too with the “let me ask you a questions” lines, has some nice bars, knows how to storytell and can clearly play to the crowd. That said, while YK came hitting with the bars, there wasn’t much variety, he had a couple of slight stumbles and you’ve seen him hit harder as well as come with more consistent heat. So with all being fair, URL rapper vs. non-URL rapper and all, this one is a draw.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Lil Dave – “And in your battle vesus JC you said some shit that was so untrue, you said you was blowing la with those Milwaukee niggas, Nigga we was smoking with YOU!”
Recap: It’s been said plenty of times by both critics and his peers that Arsonal can be filler-prone and no battle exemplifies that belief more than this one versus Charlie Clips. I mean, how bad did Ars’ penchant for saying a whole lot of nothing get? When you’re inviting a female member of your hometown crowd to suck your you-know-what because she’s bored stiff at listening to your pedestrian raps, you just know that it wasn’t a good day at the office. And let it be noted that besides a versatile, punch-heavy, scheme-savvy, witty and off-the-dome efficient Clips doing him in for 3 rounds (to be fair, the 1st round, easily Ars’ shortest and most condensed, was close), Ars’ failure to consistently get disrespectful (his biggest strength) with his bars and his bent on weak personals, predictable punchlines, elongated schemes as well as random shots at DNA and URL didn’t help his cause either in a battle that was ultimately pretty one-sided.
Verdict: Charlie Clips (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Charlie Clips – “I could see mama Arsonal texting his phone, ‘Hey baby come over for supper!’, he walk in with an attitude ‘cuz the first person he spot is his brother, on his way to wash his hands in the bathroom, what did he discover?, a woman kissing on Joe Budden’s neck and it’s ya mother…everybody in your family like Joe Buddens’ Ars!”
Recap: After surviving a lyrically sharp, wordplay-nice, fierce calendar-scheme dishing 1st round from Jai Smoove, an elongated, but no split-hair having Couture still makes the most of her latter rounds with a boatload of fiery gun bars, spicy punchlines, boastful barbs and hard-hitting/witty personals to beat back her gritty, but less substantive opponent and get the win in this 3-rounder from QOTR.
Verdict: Couture (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Couture – “Now you taking this death for free and these views?, don’t get ’em confused, they just for me!”
Recap: NorthWest Alliance Battle League matchup between Stuey Newton and J.U.S. stays close for 3 rounds with a nice mix of nifty punchlines, spicy name flips, solid wordplay and rigid mayhem/personals all there to keep you paying attention. Competitive throughout, it’s still a more steady with the bite J.U.S. who manages to edge the first two rounds for the win before a punch-heavier Stuey avoids the shutout by taking the 3rd.
Verdict: J.U.S. (W) 2-1
Favorite line: J.U.S. – “It only takes one phone call if I’m ever in a tough spot, the only time Stuey pulls strings is when his bus stops!”
Recap: For two battlers that allegedly ‘didn’t want to battle each other’ due to their friendship, Charron and HFK still put on a dope show for KOTD, delivering 3 spirited, highly competitive rounds that was littered with frequent boasts/disses, piercing punchlines and a slew of spicy personals and storytelling bars. Still, while the battle stayed close throughout, it’s a slightly more consistent and less pontificating Charron who edges all 3 rounds for the win.
Verdict: Charron (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Charron – “You’re an impatient, ignorant bastard who couldn’t get any fatter, eating your Advent calendar in one day doesn’t make Christmas come any faster!”
Recap: A sloppy 3rd round by K Holla along with consistently witty punchlines throughout by Vicci allows the little guy to take the win from this featured rooftop PG battle.
Verdict: Vicci (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Vicci – “Well since my Tek’s are shooting it’s like Western Union the way I wire them cans, to give him that 4-0 plus that 1 k, what’s that’s? a retirement plan”
Recap: In a shortened 1-round battle that begs for a rematch, Shotty Horroh makes up for forgetting his rhymes by free-styling some solid punches and witty (“Who the fuck gave Organik loads of protein?!”) personals that had enough bite to earn a draw against a hitting at times, but also not on his A-game Pat Stay.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Pat Stay – “Only thing you have in common with Wolf, is your flow backwards!”
Recap: Even with the usual narratives we witness with these two: Math Hoffa “bully”-semantics and Pat Stay’s alleged drug use/topsy-turvy friendship with Hollohan making appearances, these two top tier battlers still put on a dope, competitive showing in this entertaining 3-rounder from KOTD. Pat, with plenty of boastful shiners and witty personals included in his repertoire consistently wrecked havoc, while a wily and aggressively stunting Math impressed throughout the battle with a gang of slick wordplay whether it was directed at his opponent or at KOTD. Still, after a debatable 1st round, it’s Pat who manages to lay down a higher quotient of haymakers in each of the latter rounds for the win.
Verdict: Pat Stay (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Pat Stay – “Everyday you gotta put on that tough mood, God that must bug you, his mom’s be like, ‘Love you!’, he be like, ‘Whatever. Fuck you!'”
Recap: Sir Locksley had some tough (“Cut him off while he still running his mouth like Kung Fu flicks”) bars and put up a fight towards the end, but it still wasn’t near enough to beat Lotta Zay’s consistent wordplay, performance (“When its beef you a hurricane victim, this punk just hides, wait until everything blows over then he comes outside”) bars, name flips and hitting punchlines.
Verdict: Lotta Zay (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Lotta Zay – “You gonna die it’s not cuisine when I lean treys [trays], you Smart Ones better help him make a Healthy Choice”
Recap: Taking advantage of a Dizaster too spent on allegations of stolen bars from his opponent, but also scoring left and right with a shitload of spicy punchlines, fiery schemes/gun bars, righteous mayhem and piercing personals, Arcane registers more than enough haymakers to take the opening rounds before the Diz we all know and love comes back with a boisterous, punch-heavy and near-flawless turn in the 3rd round to avoid getting shutout in a title match that would see Diz would have to give up his KOTD title chain.
Verdict: Arcane (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Arcane – “The way you recycle bars, that’s a cop out…laziness, your shit sound incomplete with The Lox without Jadakiss!”
Recap: “This is the type of shit Tone Montana do”….a lyrically adept (and focused) Tone Montana impresses throughout with bar after bar of replete punchlines, jokes, schemes (esp. that “dreams” joint, round 1) and street shit, taking out Cashis while reminding viewers of what all the hype was about.
Verdict: Tone Montana (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Tone Montana – “You broke as a fat stripper”
Recap: Poetically Kushin’s mostly one-dimensional real rap (“Sunglasses at night nigga?, what you think you Canibus, son?”) talk and standard gun bars prove to be no match for Young X’s better mix of braggadocio (“Y’all about to hear more oooh’s and ahhh’s bars than an Ave. battle, but I’m really saying somethin’!”) bars, name (“See?, I don’t fuck with Kushin and them, I don’t fuck with Kushin’s crew…so I guess it’s safe to say that I don’t fuck with A Chosen Few!”) flips and aggressive punchlines.
Verdict: Young X (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Young X – “I got a revolver, his gun on safety, that make the score 44 to 2…I said I got revolver, his gun on safety, that make the score .44 to .2!”
Recap. Solid battle between Jus Juice and Jai is decided by more versatile turns by Jai. Who in the first couple of rounds, overcame a plethora of real rap stylings by Juice with a steady mix of sturdy name flips, hard-hitting personals, nice (“Won’t stop till I’m on top and they saying I’m great, long story short…this nigga couldn’t end J if he was abbreviating my state!”) wordplay and witty jokes. Still, give Juice credit for hanging in there with a potent (“Rocking them bright colors, I’ll roll up, smoke J…it’s the 80’s nigga!”) 3rd round that allowed him to avoid getting 3-0’d.
Verdict: Jai (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Jai – “…. so when that caliber spit…URL won’t be the only one’s with the footage of Jones battling Clips!”
Recap: Slightly more intricate and consistent with his punches/schemes/personals in round 1, before snapping with some fierce and witty 4-bar set-ups in the second round, Automatic Ray beats back a lyrical, but mostly so-so O’fficial early to make what was a pretty pedestrian 3rd round irrelevant when it comes to the outcome.
Verdict: Automatic Ray (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Automatic Ray – “Bitch you keep having 3somes, Mike & Ike, Ben & Jerry!”
Recap: Flexing throughout with a gang of brazen punchlines, witty personals, some rigid wordplay/schemes and head-ringing /gun bars/hometown heat, for 3 rounds Milwaukee battler Lexcee Baby puts an absolute hurting on a gritty, but lyrically over-matched Lady Caution and scores a 30 in this bout from Barz N Brastrapz.
Verdict: Lexcee Baby (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Lexcee Baby – “Cause a scene and I’ll shoot the movie…that’s a bootleg!”
Recap: A nice barfest between Presidential Dubz and K.O. sees both deliver an assortment of potent gun bars along with quintessential wordplay. And while an aggressive and personal-drenched (“You have yet to win a fucking battle…nah, forreal, forreal, you have yet to WIN a fucking battle!”) Dubz came (“Let’s get something straight here, he went from snitching to being a barber,,,oh I get it, he like lining nigga’s up!”) crazy at times (moreso in rounds 2 and 3), K.O.’s more consistent flow, copious reconstruction of bars and steadier (“I leave more heads wrapped than a Dominican salon!”; “You could learn from mistakes, but for thinking with my dick I should’ve never spit you out!”) punches was more than enough to take first two rounds and the win.
Verdict: K.O. (W) 2-1
Favorite line: K.O. – “Bars outta control, I’m dead nuts, the lead bust, this bitch catching an Ocho head butt!”
Recap: Proving once again that you don’t always have to win battles with haymakers, Brixx Belvedere takes Cityy Towers to school (tho that “I’ll make your life look like the Jersey Shore…right now” line was mean) with bars (“hammers might glow if the lights go coward, I’ll show this pupil what a pair is, you’ll get an eyeful [Eiffel] Tower”) galore that included nice metaphors, punchlines (“Fucking been savage [Ben Savage] like Topanga!”), history lessons and even a nifty Slow-it-Down to keep the crowd moving…all with Conceited’s stamp of approval. No doubt. S.O.N.S. all day.
Verdict: Brixx Belvedere (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Cityy Towers – “Nigga you don’t play the block and check for narcs, you text hoes and when they don’t text back you send them question marks”
Synopsis: Very good battle with plenty of dope wordplay and punchlines on both sides. Nuborn was probably on his way to a win till he slipped-up bad near the end of Round 3. Still, since Super Writer (“You washed up like baptisms when we see Born again”) also had a slip-up in his last round, the edge here stays with Nuborn based off that ill “numbers” scheme, which was the best anyone had to offer in their final rounds.
Verdict: Nuborn (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Nuborn – “So I’m supposed to believe you run around and squeeze clips?, nigga when’s the last time you let your 4 point? Oh [4.0], it was the Dean’s List”
Recap: Thought the crowd clearly yelled louder for P Muny on the 1st go-round after the battle. Either way, Muny definitely gets the win here as his nimble, but highly potent, witty at times and consistent punch/wordplay-game in the latter two rounds (call the 1st debatable) edged a mayhem-drenched, but stung by one too many dry spots Danny Myers in this competitive 3-rounder from AHAT.
Verdict: P Muny (W) 2-1
Favorite line: P Muny – “Cali nigga’s bugging, trying to rap so furious, you remind me of 40 Glocc…a Cali nigga that didn’t take The Game serious!”
Recap: A strong, (“My hands nice, I keep a cannon tho, big ARs, small k’s, all different size like a ransom note!”) punch/scheme-heavy and sometimes (“Silencer on the toast, you don’t know who did it, it’s like a dog fart!”) stirring performance by Johnie Alcatraz is eclipsed by a mightier, (“Hey because, just let him know, he just keep coming with all that bullshit, fronting out his mouth, talking about some shit that he knows nothing about, I’ll cock back, wave the steel and throw of ya cousin’s in his mouth!”) personal/mock-heavy and wordplay (“We don’t bang nigga, but play sweet, I’ll take a red rag and crack ya head till you blue [blew] blood…now you Grape Street!”) crazy 3 rounds from Pontiac, Michigan’s Ill Will in this Proving Grounds matchup from Smack/URL.
Verdict: Ill Will (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Ill Will – “This little nigga talk militant, [but] he Huey from The Boondock, I’m Huey Newton from the rooftop!”
Synopsis: Damn, this was brutal. Wavy puts on a superb show complete with crazy punchlines, dope schemes, feelgood bars (“It’s Mr. Wavy I’m into bad bitch[es] on sight, and I’m known to be on skin like mosquito bites”) and altogether an over-the-top performance. And the other guy….yeah well this is brutal.
Verdict: Mr. Wavy (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Mr. Wavy – “Pardon my back lil nigga, it’s Mr. Wavy, shit I could walk away without a stain on em, he still talkin’ I moon walk it and bang on em!”
Recap: Confidently dishing fiery schemes like your local Hustle Man, while also flipping his opponent Pat Maine’s persistent, but often mediocre use of race angles with a fresh palette of stinging punchlines/personals and amiable wordplay, a consistently bar-heavy Emerson Kennedy easily takes all 3 rounds in this battle from Mic Masters.
Verdict: Emerson Kennedy (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Emerson Kennedy – “My last name Kennedy and you’re getting killed by a Dead President!”
Synopsis: Caustic delivers a steady stream of jokes, personals, bars and even calls out a John John da Don still in heavy denial about his penchant for stealing bars, to take the win.
Verdict: Caustic (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Caustic – “This is Office Space, watch a white boy beat the shit out this copy machine!”
Recap: Ummm, yeah. What started out as a potentially competitive matchup, what with hard, aggressive bars coming from both sides, quickly turned into a mismatch as Rum Nitty’s stifling wordplay, witty punches and gritty gun lines got more and more potent as the battle went on. While his opponent, 2 Staxx, got worse and worse, stumbling over his speedy delivery in the 2nd round before and dishing a 3rd round that was so filled with potholes, he was left with no choice but to quit in the end.
Verdict: Rum Nitty (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Rum Nitty – “My pistol like my bitch, just me and my girlfriend, Pac said it best, just me and her to the world then, I do for her what she would for me, but if a nigga trip, fuck throwing my fists, I rather give you my bitch…I’m sugar free!”
Recap: In this 3-rounder from Alpha League, Piranha serves up a solid effort with a boatload of gritty punches spiced with rampant mayhem. However, for the more versatile Anubis, a consistent dish of fiery schemes, flexing punchlines and downright gully personals would be too much for his opponent over the course of 3 rounds, thus giving Anubis the 30.
Verdict: Anubis (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Anubis – “Now go ahead, tell ’em how a weekend with you I only got a chance to die, but you live a life where ya pet smarter than ya kid, you a Family Guy!”
Recap: Despite meeting her match when to comes to loud and boisterous hardbody stylings here versus Yodi Slim (who’s bars were also replete with plenty of racial burns), Viixen The Assassin adds some wit to her usual m.o. of gritty raps and with a way more steady mix of piercing punches, handily takes this 1-rounder from GHOGH|URLTV|MeleeTV.
Verdict: Viixen The Assassin (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Viixen The Assassin – “They told me chill out, stop fighting, you too pretty Viix, but I’m just trying to be on World Star, “Pretty Bitch Knocks Out Nigger Bitch!”
Recap: Before cracking the code to his bars in order to supplement his famous ‘That Shit Go Together’ slogan, GE was still slinging fierce trap talk, deft personals and aggressive heat that made you pay attention. That’s especially seen here in a wanton grudge match against a solid and scheme-heavy G.A., who matches his opponent’s overall grit in a fiery round one, before, thanks in part to too many pedestrian bars, gets edged by GE in the latter rounds in what overall was a close and competitive battle.
Verdict: GE (W) 2-1
Favorite line: GE – “Now y’all be honest, me verse this nigga, what y’all think I’m a do?, bars or shot’s? either way, drink’s on you!”
Recap: Nice battle between Dutch and prez mafia as Dutch came with plenty of fiery (“Nigga try to run with is gun but he ain’t shoot around, left him running with 16 o’s [holes], that’s how you move a pound”) gun bars that often hit their mark. But when it came to variety and angles, prez just had way more. That, along with a better delivery and execution with his bars, gave prez the vic here.
Verdict: prez mafia (W) 2-1
Favorite line: prez mafia – “And if your folks wanna brawl just know I’m gunning them all, I swear to God everyone I see, so push my buttons like a brand new toy and ‘Try Me'”
Recap: Lame battle as Kannon barely came prepared and Lavos’ theatrics just make it hard to take him seriously. Give it to BK on the strength of the immigration and X-men schemes as well as having better overall punchlines.
Verdict: Big Kannon (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Big Kannon – “Since you an esai [essay] it’s like I’m typing a paper to the people that’s viewing ‘cuz I’m subject to get a body for this reach of conclusion”
Bars and Schemes
Recap: An up-n-coming. inspired and seemingly pissed-off T Top lays the hammer down on a clearly overmatched Young N Wise, lacing a bodybag with straightforward aggression that’s equaled by debilitating (“I know it’s iron-ic, that iron make him freeze up, and that blade will make you fold your load, it’s like a crease cut”) bars, fierce punchlines and ferocious wordplay.
Verdict: T Top (W) 1-0
Favorite line: T Top – “Ya grandmama shaking her head, that’s a mean bump”
Recap: T-Rex scoops up that out-of-state money with relative ease, showing off his ‘vet flow’ with a nice mix of braggadocio (“Ask about Rex, I been hard, besides rap, sliding in and out them hoes back like a sim card”) rhymes and gritty punchlines, to score a win over local spitter Detour, who was clearly better at the jokes than he was the bars.
Verdict: T-Rex (W) 1-0
Favorite line: T-Rex – “He ain’t ready for all that, I’m Michael Vick I bring the cameras right where I buried your dog at”
Recap: Let’s start this one off by acknowledging a tremendous start what with a very solid 1st round by both JC and Yung Ill in this battle. However, while JC’s steady aggression and rich (“To know that they gonna keep losing, you ain’t gotta be half psychic, they like Shine and Guerilla Black writing, ‘cuz they talk B.I.G., but don’t rap like it!”) set-ups were nice, his want for taking on the whole St. Louis battle scene was light when compared to Ill’s more direct style points, dope basketball references and exquisite (“See, that’s what striking a nerve, ‘cuz y’all got they new nigga’s believing they us, not Autumn [all them], but Summer Fall [some will] for thinking they with us, they not seasoned enough”) wordplay. 2nd round was a dead giveaway by Ill, short with average lines that weren’t even trying to impress and JC stepped it to take full advantage with delicious punchlines and a couple of roundhouse (“Miss me with that bullshit about solidifying the spot, ‘cuz this year I’m just making sure that all you crybaby nigga’s start…dropping a tear [tier]”!) haymakers to easily even things up going into the final round. Last round is too close to call with Ill landing with overzealous jokes, gritty punchlines and hilarious (“You pop-locked, dropped and gyrated for a grown man and I ain’t gonna hype it, but it made it worse when you smiled and said…’I hope you like it!”) performance bars/dance moves to mock JC’s infamous Chris Stokes video. But with JC earnestly displaying that he came to win, it’s the kid from Michigan’s more steady wordplay and ferocious (“Nigga you are faker than every Contra gun…lame ass, and your girl go shopping, she bring both y’all shit back in the same bag!”) personals that earns the young’un a debatable against a wiry vet.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: JC – “That’s why these fuck nigga’s frontin’, you Will Smith, Ali, just active [action], but throwing another nigga’s punches!”
Recap: Logic tried and tried to use personals to invalidate Jay Rell street credibility, and while it was funny at times it got repetitive towards the end. Then too, a delicious combo of nice (“I punched through his right side and knocked left his right side silly, he gonna Ice Cube’s and TLC, he need a Westside connect to keep his Left Eye chilly”) schemes, hot bars and congenial wordplay will beat 3 rounds of one-dimensional angles any day of the week.
Verdict: Jay Rell (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Jay Rell – “Screwdriver to his mouth part have him talking out his neck like a Canadian from South Park”
Synopsis: Gotta love the crowd here, going crazy and supporting their man as he attempts to pull off an upset against a visiting, on the road SMACK rapper. And while Ave went in hard for the most part, a little too much filler in the 2nd half of his round combined with JJDD using a beyond tired Multiple Choice scheme made this battle closer than what it should be. Yet, on the nice side JJDD’s bars and schemes were more condensed (plus, I don’t think he stole any bars here) and what with Ave’s slip-up towards the end, JJDD edges it in the end.
Verdict: John John da Don (W) 1-0
Favorite line: John John da Don – I’m strapped like a Tyler Perry shoot, I’m so live, naw, I’m strapped like a parachute, I’m so fly, naw, I’m strapped so I can perish u, that mean u gon’ die, naw, I’m strapped like a pair of shoes, that don’t tie”
Synopsis: Conceited versus Tsu Surf easily stands as one of the top 3 battle of 2012. After all, everything was here: fire bars, dope punchlines, (Con: “It’s a good thing you put those rhymes in subtitles ‘cuz nobody wants to hear them!”) personals, hot performance bars, ill schemes, nice-set-ups, stinging wordplay, a close, intimate atmosphere that intensified the battle and even a couple of light rebuttals by Surf. Somewhat debatable altogether, but Surf gets the edge here for these reasons: Surf going toe-to-toe with a punchline feen in Con, less overall filler and more (“Question: ‘If all your money is on your outfit then what the fuck is in your pocket?!'”) bite and versatility with his bars/schemes. That makes for Surf edging the first two rounds, while losing the 3rd because it was too short. Still, credit to both Surf and Con for putting on a great show.
Verdict: Tsu Surf (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Tsu Surf – “What you about to say, Jersey lost the Nets?, good nigga, the best shooters still in my hood nigga!”
Synopsis: Who are all these “American rappers” who keep Crome in their mouth? Anyway, when asked who was the worst rappers he’s faced, Arsonal mentioned Illmac and this guy Crome. Funny that, because Crome actually wasn’t that bad here, esp. with the way he kept pointing out Arsonal’s sometimes racist fuckery in round 2 and pulled Ars’ time (and ‘G’) card in round 3. But despite choking in the 3rd round, Ars edged the first two with enough disrespectful lines (“Your ex bitch….she flat-chested with no ass, so you be humping what?, I’ll fuck that bitch in a jacuzzi full of suds and tell her now you got a bubble butt”) and better, consistent bars to edge it in the end.
Verdict: Arsonal (W) 2-1
Best line: Crome – “And I’m tired of you talking about Hollow da Don and how you chalked him out in Fight Klub, what’s the first and the second rule of Fight Klub?, ‘We do not talk about Fight Klub!'”
Recap: In a battle that featured a gang of fiery schemes, nasty personals, fire set-ups, flexing punchlines and some dope wordplay/storytelling, after a debatable 1st round, a slightly more condensed Couture uses a vicious tranny-angled 2nd round, a host of indirect bars from opponent Jada Raye and some boastful barbs to take both of the latter rounds for the win in this 3-rounder from QOTR.
Verdict: Couture (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Couture – “But when the teacher said form a boy’s and girl’s line, Latrell sat in the middle…confused!
Synopsis: Crazy battle with Ah Di Boom and Show Off (“Well go ahead, lurk in them shadows, creep on me, I’ll pop and squeeze it, I’m Posterepedic, sleep on me!”) getting heated and delivering aggressive bars with dope flows and loaded schemes. However, Boom slips up in the 3rd, allowing Show Off to stay banging with the potent bars, come from behind and take the win. Indeed, Show Off’s comeback was so point that you can almost forgive him for pulling a Frank Ocean and singing to another man in round 1.
Verdict: Show Off (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ah Di Boom – “Walk on the scene, throw the shells in my jeans, that’s the definition of hot pockets”
Recap: Despite failing to impress the dude with the Flyers sweater on (I don’t think he broke his poker face once during the entire battle), this was still a decent battle between Skelly and Daylyt. Skelly stepping it up with aggressive bars and Daylyt taking a battle seriously with witty bars and comedic (“I wet backs, Pablo!”)
personals. Close throughout, but the guy with the mask wins it due to more variety with is bars.
Verdict: Daylyt (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Daylyt – “Canibus flow, the pad blew up!”
Recap: Besides a close 1st round this one was really no contest as Jaz The Rapper’s seismic schemes, potent wordplay, well-lit personals and piercing punchlines easily beat back a QB (Black Diamond) that you rarely see: little on the disrespect and more focused on bars that in this case were mostly pedestrian. Not that QB lacked on her notorious aggression, but a strategy that seemed bent on bully semantics and her opponent’s sex life, while hitting here and there, just got redundant over time and especially cost her when it came to elongated turns in both the 1st and 2nd rounds. On the other hand, overall a more versatile Jaz just had too much in her bag what with not only the aforementioned darts, but also witty barbs, fire rebuts for the virgin angles, fierce storytelling lines, scheming tutorials on battle rap and to the surprise of some, a pretty hip knowledge of football (and more) which would lead to some flexing sport schemes and ably assist in Jaz earning the 30.
Verdict: Jaz The Rapper (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Jaz The Rapper – “You said you’d kill me?, you lied, but you said you would kill me without talking about my virginity?, so those was both lies, ‘cuz if you had [???] at a horror flick you would know that virgins don’t die!”
Recap: Damn! I hate declaring ties, but after a couple of watches it was clear that this one could go either way with Syahboy clearly taking round 2 and Zay taking round 3, you’re only left with a very close and debatable round 1. Close battles usually make for dope battles tho, so in this case you can’t lose no matter who you think won.
Verdict: TIE
Best line: Lotta Zay – “…Wiz could leave ya with a wig missing like Amber Rose”
Recap: This is the version of K-Shine that’s damn near impossible to beat: exquisite execution, on-point delivery, a consistently confident performance, wicked (“…she asked me to freestyle, so I came off the top”) wordplay, potent (“I got that .40 in a bag like a wino, and I don’t fuck with Blanks, I ain’t never deal with tae bo”) bars after bars and even an on-the-spot rebuttal mixed in. All in all a schooling session for an aggressive, but mostly average J-Money and a bodybag for K-Shine.
Verdict: K-Shine (W) 1-0
Favorite line: K-Shine – “Nigga point me to the money, I need all of it, I’ll make a movie with that uzi, you can star in it!”
Recap: Dope 1-round, One Off between 40 B.A.R.R.S. and Young Gattas features plenty of ringing mayhem, spicy wordplay and spitfire punchlines. Hopefully, they’ll come back for 3 rounds one day, but in the meantime, a slightly more consistently gritty and versatile Gattas gets the edge here.
Verdict: Gattas (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Gattas – “You lose to everybody, I ain’t about to be The First 48 [40 ate]!”
Recap: In this 3-rounder from Smack/URL, a rare choke by Chilla Jones in the final round ends up being moot as frankly speaking B. Magic was just about unbeatable here. Indeed, especially during the 1st half of his 2nd round and versus a scheme-heavy and personal-mocking Jones who up until he had to quit due to memory loss in the 3rd, was pretty solid throughout, Magic just left earth with a boatload of spitfire punchlines (the Mysonne line will live on forever), witty personals/anecdotes and sizzling name flips that all worked together to enforce a shutout.
Verdict: B-Magic (W) 3-0
Favorite line: B-Magic – “It’s B. Magic muthafucka, acknowledge me, big straps that’ll take that back like apologies!”
Synopsis: As impressive as Bigg K’s round 1 was, so too was Rosenberg’s last 2 rounds, which combined with K’s stumble in round 3, got Rosenberg Raw the win here. Personals factor in as much as any other category within rap battles in my book and not only did Raw hold his own bar wise, but putting Bigg K on blast for dissing Smack (but then showing up “4 weeks” later to battle on URL) as well as showing up for his Ill Will battle (instead of his brother’s funeral….which Bigg K would later deny, tho he stated it on record) shows you what an inspired and highly prepared Rosenberg (“Instead he out here chasing battles, see what they do for views?”) can do against a talented newcomer.
Verdict: Rosenberg (W) 2-1
Best line: Bigg K – “30/30 with the red beam giving hickey’s (???), my vision is 20/20, six eyes like Mississippi, but I said I got this 30/30 with 20/20 vision did you dig me?, when it blast I’mma split you in half, 50/50”
Recap: While she lost the 1st round thanks to a couple of ill rebuttals from her more versatile opponent, for the first round anyway, a just-as-disrespectful, witty and (“9 months later your father put on some lip gloss and came out!”) scheme/bar-heavy Dekay held her own against the flippant stylings of Uno Lavoz. But then the rest of the battle happened and from there it was a wash. As in front of a spirited and high-energy London crowd, Uno went in for the kill with a classic 2nd round that put the DM in downright mean what with hilarious (“I mean your mom killed so many fucking babies, she the only bitch that go to abortion clinics and have reserved parking!”) abortion jokes galore and other frenzied personals that could make a girl cry, before edging the 3rd with a none-too-clean, but solid turn that beat back what was a subpar round from Dekay.
Verdict: Uno Lavoz (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Uno Lavoz – “No bitch, it’s called being creative, being unique and coming up with some of the wildest thoughts, but I forgot this bitch used to be homeless so I guess it’s hard for her to think outside the box!”
