No Bias. No Narratives.
Recap: An early prez mafia welcomes himself to the battle rap world and proceeds to easily out-punch and take out July Streets.
Verdict: prez mafia (W) 3-0
Favorite line: prez mafia – “It’s time for me to catch a body ‘cuz when I’m at y’all niggas it’s like a blast on Twitter, I’m AT everybody”
Recap: Shades of ‘106 & Park’ battle rap legend Blind Fury here as blind rapper Manaz Ill takes on Dizaster in what turned out to be a hilarious 3-rounder filled to the rim with a fiery punchlines, over-the-top personals and of course, a boatload of stereotypical Arabic jokes and blind man slander. Still, except for a dope and debatable 3rd round, Diz just came consistently better with the bars in both the 1st and 2nd rounds to take what was still a pretty competitive matchup throughout and an inspirational one as well.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Dizaster – “This battle was supposed to be 90 seconds, he went for like 3 minutes, that’s fine, and I understand that you’re blind, but that’s no excuse for having no concept of time!”
Recap: Some awful audio here makes one have to listen to this 2-round, freestyle battle a few times before they can decipher anything, But at the end of the day the potency of Charron’s punches in both rounds clearly outweigh anything from the aggressive, but subpar Cashtro.
Verdict: Charron (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Charron – “Your name don’t hold weight, just like Fat Joe!”
Recap: Highly spirited battle between Dizaster and poRICh for the KOTD championship sees Dizaster spazz on poRICh with wicked (“I come up to your fucking door and ring the bell like ding dong, first little skinny white bitch to answer the door, I lift her up by her pink thong and drag her up the side of the building like King Kong”) personals, fleeting (“You getting killed so badly your fagget ass homie felt like he had to start massaging your shoulders”) punchlines, nice rebuttals and biting, hard-hitting (“You little bitch, I’ll feed you the lowest form of pedigree, I will go after ya, bust open your head with the chrome relentlessly and open up your dome like you know telepathy”) bars with his usual aggression and in-your-face machismo. And while the incoming champion had a stellar second, combining personals, funny impressions and dope (“You selfish bitch!, crack this crab for the white meant, You selfish, bitch!”) punchlines to take the round, Dizaster’s 3rd, another round of nice performance bars, on-the-spot (“Yeah I do follow the great Koran and there’s another book [I read] ‘A Thousand Different Ways To Make The Bong'”) rebuts and consistent personals earned him the check and the KOTD chain.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1
Favorite line: poRICH – “So what’s this holy gospel that you’re quoting, queer?, the Koran? c’mon, and who’s this divine deity you think is so revered?, Allah [pffft] All ya will be over here”
Recap: Amzilla goes ham for the first couple of two rounds, snapping on Luciano Crakk’s (“Plus he’s a waiter so when you see him at the steakhouse, that’s the only time this nigga beefing with the trey [tray] out”) gun talk and fashion cred while scoring with formidable punchlines. Crakk competed in the first two rounds, but was let down again by slip-ups and a lack of focus in round 3, making for an easy win by Amzilla.
Verdict: Amzilla (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Luciano Crakk – “Are you on black people’s time or do you do things in a hurry?”
Recap: A strong, but debatable 3rd round and a light, but debatable 2nd allows this one to come down to the 1st, which the more potent and more diverse with the bars Blade Brown took with relative ease over a one-themed Brooklyn Carter.
Verdict: Blade Brown (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Blade Brown – “You fucking suck, act tough and I’ll have something clutch in both palms, waving both arms like it’s double-dutch!”
Recap: In this 3-rounder from King Juce Battle League, a boatload of nifty wordplay, witty personals and spicy punchlines/4-bar setups from Metta gets him both of the opening rounds over the hardbody, but not as consistently-lit or nuanced rhymes of Cortez to give the St. Louis battler the win before Cortez, ever a stickler for mayhem and rudimentary personals, edged the 3rd to avoid the shutout.
Verdict: Metta (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Metta – “You an illegal immigrant, I bet your favorite bookstore is Borders!”
Recap: Well, that was loud. QOTR matchup between 40 B.A.R.R.S. and Norma Bayts what with all the hostility in the ring, comes with plenty of replay value as judging from the sheer aggression, nasty personals and intensity, the two definitely won’t be trading Xmas cards this year. Still, for all of Norma’s mayhem-lit lines and boisterous raps, it wasn’t until the 3rd round (where she arguably had the best bar of the battle) that most would land. A close one nonetheless, a more condensed, versatile and more consistently thrifty with the wordplay 40 would edge rounds 1 and 2 for the win here.
Verdict: 40 B.A.R.R.S. (W) 2-1
Favorite line: 40 B.A.R.R.S. – “Your music and your footage like your bars…all ass too!”
Recap: Delivering a large plate of vivid mayhem to go along with some nasty punchlines/names flips, Viixen The Assassin takes the first couple of rounds of this 3-round, Bras N Barstrapz battle for the win before the hardbody rhymes of Gucci Top Model spruce up enough spice to take the 3rd.
Verdict: Viixen The Assassin (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Viixen The Assassin – “And your career will prove it, you could play this game forever but still end up with no rings like Pat Ewing!”
Synopsis: Equipped with plenty of hilarious fat jokes, mocking personals, spicy storytelling, hardbody punchlines and some dope wordplay, Math Hoffa certainly brings the versatility (tho the shot at Calicoe was pretty lame and had all the dressings of a sore loser) to this Poison Pen/URL 3-rounder against Marvwon. And while the Detroit vet came through with a solid and nifty punch game of his own, an inconsistent showing from Narv to go along with a superb performance by Math warrants the 30.
Verdict: Math Hoffa (W) 3-0
Best line: Math Hoffa – “Look at this Man! He checks his email looking for Spam!”
Recap: I don’t care what these battle rappers do outside the ring, but when you show up for a match is it asking too much for a dude to take his craft seriously and give 100% effort when he spits? Apparently, too often for Qleen Paper, it is. And this was supposed to be the main event?! Smh.
Verdict: Black Haze (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Black Haze – “I’ll smack the shit outta Qleen because I like to feel Paper in my hands!”
Recap: Judging from this battle, life appears to be pretty good for Murda Mook, esp. what with a huge supply of braggadocio bars, a ‘chick whose pussy always like Summer Eve’, plenty of cake from that street life, all the while making hay out of opponent’s like Dice, who started off well in this 3-round battle, but wilted as the bout went on in the face of Mook’s rampant heat.
Verdict: Murda Mook (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Murda Mook – “My flow’s a crime scene, in the booth I put up yellow tape!”
Recap: Highly entertaining battle between a forever spazzing T Dubb and an always ready for action JC goes down to the wire with Dubb edging it out. Call the end of Dubb second round a choke if you want, but JC landed enough hard bars to win that round anyway. It’s the 1st and 3rd rounds where Dubb really went in and won the battle, scoring with heavy angles on JC’s authenticity, the infamous Chris Stokes video (“Real niggas supposed to sit and believe you grip toast, when that dance you did look like you was practicing deep throat”), storytelling points and gritty (“I’ll spray and waste J [Jay] dna like a Beyonce abortion”) bars. While JC dropped some heavy (“Them arms out, but those clips extended like an olive branch”) punches, a short 1st round, some filler throughout and just not enough execution eventually did him in.
Verdict: T Dubb (W) 2-1
Favorite line: T Dubb – “Ain’t no dancers trappin, you’ll get robbed, this ain’t You Got Served nigga!”
Recap: When you spend more time writing standard bars to show how real you are instead of making sure you’re prepared, much less doing a little research and providing a little intricacy so you have a shot at beating your opponent, you’re probably going to end up with results like this. As a unprepared Showoff, when he wasn’t dishing mostly pedestrian bars and wasting time going at WeGoHard, chokes away arguably a couple of rounds and loses easily to a way more consistent, witty, aggressive and name-flip savvy Dubb Da Feenom.
Verdict: Dubb Da Feenom (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Dubb Da Feenom – “If you ain’t trying to fight, that’s cool, that’s what them 9’s for, run, bullets hit up your back and leave your spine tore, leave ya body covered in medal like you a cyborg, clap, put an end to that Show, who needs an encore!”
Recap: “This nigga don’t deserve to be in my highlights”….that pretty sums this battle up as Steams’ hot bars, delivery and execution provide more than enough material to perform a body on K.O.
Verdict: Steams (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Steams – “How can he not die?, y’all two jokers rolling with two deuces, the ace of spades will give his top 5”
Recap: Barz and Brastrapz 3-rounder between Dutchess and Young Gattas is a competitive and thoro mix of hardbody punchlines, stinging personals and boastful barbs. But after splitting the first two rounds, the more adept lyrically (esp. with the Big Pun colloquialism’s) and more consistently spicy Gattas takes round 3 for the win.
Verdict: Young Gattas (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Young Gattas – “How you got a Scream-ass face but you scary?!”
Recap: Not a big fan of intergender matchups (to me it’s a no-win for the dude), but battle rap fans seem to like them and enough battle rappers will participate in them so whatever. That said, both Ms. Hustle and O-Red went hard here, with Hustle going after Red’s URL standing (“Only reason he here, cuz Smack didn’t call you for Summer Madness”) all the while tossing in a load of nice gun bars, punchlines, funny interpretations and fleeting performance bars. And she put on a dope show, some of Hustle’s just alright bars got crazy gassed by the hometown crowd and simply put O-Red just one-upped her, using his one-round unlimited to preach on why female battle rappers can’t hang with their male counterparts (“I see a lot of you bitches is smoking angel dust”), spitting a dope magazine scheme, unloading crazy nice bars, delivering amiable personals and even getting biblical (“So fuck what you spitting, cuz’ a man is the reason you women even existing”) to remind everybody who the man is. So while I’ll never be a fan of intergender matchups, all told this was a pretty good battle.
Verdict: O-Red (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Ms. Hustle – “Faggots go in the casket too nigga and you should of known bitches ruled the world when Eve made Adam eat that apple too nigga”
Recap: Early Moneyy and Stylez (apparently they went to the same high school too) put on a nice battle for a crowd of Brooklyn rhyme fiends. Intense and competitive throughout, it’s Moneyy who comes out on top with better punches, schemes and wordplay, while Styles (tho the “twin .32’s…hit his Nintendo with this .64” line was fire) relied on too many name flips, went for angles that didn’t work and wasted too many bars on other rappers instead of his opponent.
Verdict: Moneyy (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Moneyy – “Y’all Camera Gang, well there won’t be no HD when that cannon [Canon] go flash!”
Synopsis: Dope battle, and close too what with Chilla clearly taking the 1st round (“An appetite for destruction I’m Al Qaeda (I’ll cater)”, while M. Ciddy spazzed so much in round 2 that not only did he even things up, but had to take some time to feel himself as well. But then Chilla shows off his sick pen game in round 3 delivering a nice rebuttal, then a killer haymaker (“Why is you even talking? I’m a fan favorite, I could let a chair speak for me like Stephen Hawking”), a biting zodiac scheme, superb wordplay throughout and an over-the-top Simpson’s scheme that pretty much wrapped it up. Granted, Ciddy came hard with his 3rd, but by that time it was long over (or like the fan said “Leave him alone, man!”).
Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 2-1
Best line: M.Ciddy – “A bullet can’t wait to get the Chill like the weekend”
Recap: As personal and disrespectful as battle rap can get at times, once you decide to put yourself in the ring, emotions have to be checked at the door. After all, it’s battle rap, the ultimate sport when it comes verbal warfare. So Ms Pak getting exposed by a Monistat box tossing and Facebook picture of Pak on a dirty mattress exposing Couture (who on lyrics alone was already ad this QOTR battle in the bag) in what will go down as a 2nd round classic, should serve as yet another lesson to all battle rappers when it comes to being prepared for anything your opponent might bring. Including props. And while a tear-dropping, back-to-the-crowd Ms Pak, didn’t impress the fans or the “Sparring Session” judges by fleeing the scene right after the battle, the bodybag Couture put on Pak here did make WorldStar.
Verdict: Couture (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Couture – “How the fuck is you a bad bitch when you got that luck of the Irish pussy smelling like corn beef and cabbage!”
Recap: Yeah, that was awkward. That is, at the beginning of this QOTR battle vs. Star Smilez, Bonnie Godiva spitting a hot punchline before her intro and receiving next to no reaction (ironically, that would be a sign of things to come as Bonnie would also waste a 3rd of her final round throwing shots at Phara Funeral). Still, this one was a goodie tho as outside of a perfectly-executed 1st round that Bonnie clearly took thanks to a gang of versatile, witty and spitfire punches, the two battlers kept it close in the latter stages. A more condensed Star Smilez, mixing it up and hitting more proficiently with brazen (“If I told a bitch I was gonna slap her, everybody around her would’ve ducked!”) personals, fiery schemes, witty barbs and gritty punchlines did enough against a less consistent Bonnie to force a draw in round 2, before edging round 3 with another punch-heavy turn that with the help of Bonnie directing so many bars towards her peer, allowed this battle to end in a draw.
Verdict: Debatable
Favorite line: Bonnie Godiva – “How the fuck you work at Best Buy and got a Home Depot swag?!”
Recap: Despite some oft-hilarious personals that included JC allegedly stealing Smack’s money in club as well Young Kannon spouting entertaining schemes/storytelling bars on his opponent’s infamous Chris Stokes video, it’s YK’s elongated rounds and hit-n-miss wordplay/punches that end up hurting in the long run, leaving a more consistent JC, who dished his own fire set of personals, Mexican jokes and fiery gun bars/punchlines throughout the battle, with a a clear round 1 vic, before edging the 3rd for the win.
Verdict: JC (W) 2-1
Favorite line: JC – “I extort ho’s, twist the silencer on the floor slow, and muzzle the piece, make it sound like the torch flowing in Morse code!
Recap: “I’ll squirt 10 at his mom’s then kill all her church friends!” Damn, that was kinda mean. Still, while BEZ had some bars and stepped it up in the 2nd round on the delivery, too many rapid schemes, metaphors, (“You accepting this battle nigga already sealed your fate, with them bumps on your neck nigga you need a Pro-Active pillowcase”) jokes and punchlines from Jay Rell gave him this one easy.
Verdict: Jay Rell (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Jay Rell – “You probably killed some pigeons and hawks when you dumped the cig, everybody with the app know that Angry Birds always come with pigs”
Synopsis: K-Shine always puts forth a good (his “Pass” scheme in the 2nd round was crazy) effort, but coming from Harlem and not knowing that Tupac was born there is a never a good look. Still, Pass’ hard-hitting bars, rebuttals, wordplay and personals would’ve been too much to overcome anyway.
Verdict: Pass (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Pass – “Now you been doing this since Smack was on VHS”
Recap: Really, how many more Owen Hart bars on one take? Anyway, Cali rapper Heartless makes a visit to St. Louis to battle B. Magic on the Street Status stage and gets a win (score the 1st round debatable and the latter two for Chi McBride’s son) via a relentless/spicy punch-game, a 2nd round choke from B. Magic and some piercing wordplay to go along with witty lines that even had the away crowd in a hoot.
Verdict: Heartless (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Heartless – “So if I hear one bar about how you push cane or you cook flame, I’ll run up and slap his ass…good game!”
Recap: Classic Lionz Den battle between K-Shine and Goodz goes the Animal’s way after the two split the first two rounds. The sometimes witty and ever boastful Goodz, dallying in street semantics, noted playa themes, stinging 4-bar set-ups and piercing punches/personals throughout the battle, does enough consistency-wise in the 3rd round to beat Shine’s rapid-fire mayhem and spicy punches.
Verdict: Goodz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Goodz – “Buck-fifty? nah, I give scars as long as two dollars!”
Recap: Captivating the Australian crowd with dope mid-round rebuttals and freestyles, but mostly scoring heavy with hilarious personals and fire punchlines throughout the battle, outside of a spitfire and competitive 3rd round that Dizaster still won, for 3 rounds Diz puts the foot to local ‘Down Under’ battler Jay Legend’s head and easily gets the win.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Dizaster – “They asked me, Jay legend’s cool, you should let him travel with you overseas, I was like ‘Fuck no, I’ll never let a band member from Hanson tour with me!'”
Recap: Here’s the infamous video that made it to World Star of a young Charron battling a kid named Jordan Bennett in high school. Anyone familiar with Charron’s love for mean personals and sexual incest jokes can see that it started pretty early for him.
Verdict: Charron (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Charron – “You talking about fucking my girl?, you should get charged for incest because I’m dating your sister!”
Recap: Now who doesn’t long for the days of dope, under 20 minutes, 3-round battles? ‘Cuz that’s what KOTD gives you again here with Daylyt taking on Rich Dolarz in a gritty and lyrical punch-fest that should also be noted for taking place pre-“antics” stage if you’ve been a follower of Daylyt’s battle rap career and need another reminder that the notorious, West-coast spitter can actually rap really well…when he wants to. And while Dolarz gives Day all he can handle with a boatload of solid schemes, piercing gun bars and fierce name flips/punchlines, it’s a nice-with-the-cadence, wordplay-vicious, incredibly witty, mayhem-inducing, without-the-ski-mask Daylyt who takes the first two rounds for the win, before a turned-up with the punches and more condensed Dolarz edges the 3rd.
Verdict: Daylyt (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Daylyt – “Round of applause, everybody crying, bullets like a funny joke, they got everybody dying!”
Recap: Bullshit verdict by the KOTD judges as somehow Yung Casper’s rapid, scream-rap style, while pedestrian at almost every turn gets him a split-decision over a clearly more comedic, potent bar-wise and consistently spicier Lexx Luthor.
Verdict: Lexx Luthor (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Lexx Luthor – “You ain’t swinging on nothing, you ain’t even hit puberty!”
Recap: Not many battle rappers can prepare a short roudn with the confidence enough to feel they’ll win, but QP does so here. And with enough funny jokes, hilarious impressions and personals to style on, he gets this one easy, all in 3 and a half minutes.
Verdict: QP (W) 1-0
Favorite line: QP – “Oops, my bad, get him with his own quote in the ring, I’m fucking over HBK, Stone Cold in the ring”
Recap: Mostly running with a storytelling theme of how bizarre it is for two prominent members of the so-called ‘Midwest Movement’ to be facing each other works well for X-Factor, who despite Aye Verb’s blindfold and fiery (“…I can’t go back, it’s like my transmission slipping!”) comeuppance in round 3, does enough with mild-mannered, but potent schemes, hard-hitting (“You was a ‘Hey Yo Big Gerald!,’ ‘Yes Sir!’ away from being 3-0’ed!”) personals and some jaunty wordplay to take the first couple of rounds and claim his due for the fictional Midwest crown.
Verdict: X-Factor (W) 2-1
Favorite line: X-Factor – “I’m hood here and this jealous would probably hate on your tires if they was having a Good Year!”
Recap: Fresh off a short-term retirement and against a condensed and funny at times, but mostly pedestrian Jimmy Pistol, Pat Stay feeds the rumbles in his stomach due to his layoff with a load of aggressive punchlines, boastful schemes and witty personals/one-liners to easily score a 30.
Verdict: Pat Stay (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Pat Stay – “My frozen stare make a polar bear be like ‘damn, it’s cold in here!”
Recap: Close battle for the first coupe of rounds with Arsonal using bully bars, street talk and the Rick Flair backwards to take the 1st while Illmaculate took the 2nd with some nice personals, rebuttals and esoteric (“Now your life’s in a downward spiral like a double helix”) bars. But any momentum Illmac gained from winning the 2nd round is quickly dissolved due to a complete meltdown (Was he drunk? Does it matter.) and choke in round 3, leaving Arsonal to pick up the pieces while pretty much having to complete his round without choking to take the win, which he does with ease.
Verdict: Arsonal (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Arsonal – “Your new bitch seen my dick said ‘I’mma try my best with it’, she couldn’t fit it down her throat so your wide neck ex did it”
Recap: Out-punching his speed-rapping, but much less potent opponent with a topic du jour of braggadocios shiners, fiery gun bars, some solid wordplay and witty personals, Cali Smoov doesn’t break a sweat while taking all 3 rounds of this Jungle battle versus Sonic Soundwaveous.
Verdict: Cali Smoov (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Cali Smoov – “Go head, talk about your battles and your experience, like you ahead of a nigga, but I could give one fuck…I’m celibate nigger!”
Recap: Jus Juice kicks that hard shit and he’s authentic with it, but not all his bars hit as much as the hometown crowd would like you to believe here. Then too when QP is on top of his game, there’s hardly anyone out there that’s more entertaining, much less able to spit that real rap the goons and wannabee goons love so much, but deliver jokes and wicked punchlines along with it. Good battle, but more variety bar-wise from QP gave him the edge here.
Verdict: QP (W) 1-0
Favorite line: QP – “I’ll give that limelight your set through, bananas on that chopper split that apple and cranberry his chest too, you little strawberry nigga, after breaking down all that fresh fruit, its Jus Juice!”
Synopsis: I’ve always been of the persuasion that battling in front of your opponent’s home crowd can make it extra hard to pull out a win. After all, the guy battling at home is usually extra pumped to put on a great show and do well in front of his hometown fans, the crowd will almost always be biased for their guy and fair or not fair, it’s the road guy who has to come out and impress the most. That said, this was an easy win for Charlie Clips, who IMO clearly out-barred an amped up (and clearly gassed by his Chi-town fans) Big T in rounds one and two, while airing exquisite (those phone co. lines alone) schemes and personals with the same swag and confidence that we all saw earlier against Tay Rock and Aye Verb. Then too, all gassing up aside, this wasn’t Big T at his best, who tho he may’ve edged the third round with that “You know I be using barbers to pull hits instead of clips on these faces cuz’ clips get in that jam and they usually leave behind cases” line. Despite of all that when Clips gives you three prepared rounds combined with dope schemes, he’s almost impossible to beat.
Verdict: Charlie Clips (W) 2-1
Best line: Charlie Clips – “Now I know I shouldn’t crack fat jokes, but this nigga is really fat, the type to kill himself just to see Left Eye cuz she know where Chili (chilly) at”
Recap: Despite some heavy lifting of Conceited’s notorious “Slow It Down”s and a sharp 2nd round from (“Your reputation is very different to mine, I’m known for what comes out of my mouth, not what was missing inside!”) Eurgh, DNA has enough witty (“Cigarettes are called a fag, in New York we say can we get bogies and get that what matches, you know you gay if you can go to the store and ask for a pack of faggots!”) personals, trademark rebuttals, steady name flips and grandiose schemes to take rounds 1 and 3 and pull out this battle on KOTD.
Verdict: DNA (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Eurgh – “Now let me hear something different, all these unoriginal Diana lines, you all got fucking tunnel vision”
Synopsis: Judged battle, wouldn’t call it anything close to “dope”, but I’ll agree with the judges and go with KG The Poet too.
Verdict: KG The Poet (W) 2-1
Favorite line: KG The Poet – “Nobody believes you wine and dine pussies, this faggot got a face like he hide behind bushes”
Synopsis: Rex has admitted in the past to just showing up and getting paychecks. And tho he put on a good show here, I think with more effort and a longer round he could’ve easily beat this guy. That said, the edge here goes to Donnie Menace who came more prepared, had an adept delivery, hilarious jokes along with personals and overall put on a better performance.
Verdict: Donnie Menace (W) 1-0
Best line: Donnie Menace – “You griping a gat isn’t a factor, ‘cuz u like Tom Brady in the Superbowl, nigga all your bullets miss when they matter”
Recap: In a one-round battle of Battle Rappers With Acronyms For Their Names, one has to think that if G.A. had stuck with challenging JC’s authenticity, as he did in the first half of his round, he might’ve had a chance. But for some reason he switched up the personal jokes and punchlines for generic bars and a whole lotta filler that ended up making this match a blowout when faced against JC’s rigid punchlines and charming haymakers.
Verdict: JC (W) 1-0
Favorite line: JC – “I’m 3 battles in, you gonna be less than four, I got goons that move off hand signals, my man split you, you better find that exit door, you gonna see what them goons be bout when them Uzi’s out, you can catch the torch, but I only need one hand, that machine gun jam…it’s nothing to call in Tek [tech] support”
Recap: Well, that was kind of weird. Devin Lake, equipped with plenty of sexual innuendo’s and gay jokes and a mostly tepid-punching Th3 Saga relying on mostly dicey/mocking personals in the earlier rounds before dishing some nice punches in the deciding 3rd round to win a battle that was so-so bar-wise from jump.
Verdict: Th3 Saga (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Th3 Saga – “The first two rounds, I was just getting my aim right, this 3rd will rock-a-bye baby like Blue Ivy!”
Recap: Featuring the classic, call-n-response, crowd-controlling line: “But I know the slogan Smack so to me that raises up the question, what time is it? Real what? [‘Real nigga time!’], thanks for making me the exception!” from Real Deal, in what was one of the best 1st rounds you’ll see from two rappers in battle rap history, Real Deal versus B. Magic on the URL stage was also highly impactful when you consider the style clash of a ‘Grind Time’ rapper making his debut and stepping out of the ‘knapsack rap’ zone of GT for the more street-friendly/gritty confines of URL. That said, with a gang of rigid race angles/punches, spicy [B. Magic: “You looking like I’m not the shit, nigga, change your face!”] idioms, spitfire punchlines/metaphors, witty barbs and stinging personals left and right, this close and competitive battle stands out even more due to each battler bringing their A-game. That said, with Real Deal’s more versatile artillery (which also featured some off-the-dome heat) and crowd-friendly antics upping his performance game, it’s the slightly more condensed Pittsburgh battler who does just enough to edge rounds 1 and 3 for the win.
Verdict: Real Deal (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Real Deal – “Ok, so what happens when the Black dude goes up against the White dude & the White wins?, Aiiiight then! better go home and tell ’em I’m light-skinned!”
Recap: 1-round promo battle between Dizaster and Essay8 is decided early after the latter’s pedestrian raps get bodied by Diz’s witty freestyles before Diz switches it up to dish some mayhem and other aggressive boasts on an opponent who seemed to be interested in bragging about his headphones than actually winning the battle.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Dizaster – “No matter what you say I will never get affected, I find it funny that I’m battling someone with headphones on that are not even connected!”
Synopsis: Considering how much work these two emcees have put in this game, this battle should’ve definitely been 3 rounds instead of one. Still, a dope match nonetheless with SnoMan spazzing on JC with so much rapid-fire bars, personals and wordplay (“JC stand for Joe Camel the way this square got boxed”) that you could forgive him for stealing that “newlyweds” bar from B. Magic. And yet, JC’s round is nothing but a barfest as lines like: “I’m killing Sno, but what’s new?, you been calling me out, I’m just not interested nerd, that’s the battle rap political term for ‘fuck you'” gets topped by “I feel like taking a whole person, blow perfect holes in ’em, leave that hoe shirtless, let the 9 bang ’em, have his spirit gone, but the mind stationed and have y’all soul searching”. JC at his best? All told it’s an artful dismantling.
Verdict: JC (W) 1-0
Favorite line: JC – “So which is Sno? kickin’ the door, gripping the four, squeeze a clip? or wait till you gone, break in ya home and leave with some shit?”
Recap: Noticed a few things in this battle: 1) Even tho he would’ve lost anyway with too many basic bars, if I was Half Past 7 I would’ve been frustrated too with all the noise going on in the background onstage while he spit. 2) Bigg K announcing that he skipped his “brother”‘s funeral for this battle. I know he’d clear that up later on, but the way Rosenberg Raw used that info against him when they battled was classic. 3) As the face of the URL Smack has gotsa do a better job of keeping a poker face when dudes rap, not just because it comes off as favoritism, but because it’s professional and the right thing to do esp. when you so many other people onstage making expressions at hot bars. 4) Bernard Hopkins almost “executed” by the state?!? When the hell was that???
Verdict: Bigg K (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bigg K – “His girl said ‘Can we shoot a DVD?’, I said yeah if ya’ head slamming like a DDT”
Synopsis: Any wonder Voss stepped it up against John John after getting buried here? DNA puts on a clinic in freestyling: rapid delivery, no stumbles, stellar flow and just to add some icing to the cake, he not only flipped his words, but reversed them–that kid is nice.
Verdict: DNA (W) 1-0
Best line: DNA – “like the Titanic his body’s underwater”
Synopsis: Arguably the most controversial rap battle in history as Canibus breaches all types of etiquette by pulling out a notebook to recite his rhymes in round 3. Granted, against Canibus’ mediocre bars Dizaster was well on his way to an easy win anyway. But altogether embarrassing yourself, ruining an epic rap battle and failing to come up with 3 rounds for a match he was rumored to have been paid 5 figures for just adds up to an RIP on what was left of Canibus’ career.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Dizaster – “You think you’re bigger than Pun? Pun is a legend my dude, He’s a worldwide icon that’s sold more records and he’s more respected than you, You? You’re just a homeless man..on the corner holdin’ a can beggin’ for food, Just accept it! You’re through!”
Synopsis: Overall, a good show from Young Kannon, but against this A-game version of Swave Sevah he would’ve needed to put on the performance of your life. And unlike his recent battle against B-Magic, Kannon just didn’t have enough stamina to deliver it here.
Verdict: Swave Sevah (W) 3-0
Best line: Swave Sevah – “You a young kannon [cannon], the fuck is that? a .22?”
Recap: Nice come-from-behind win for Presidential Dubz, who doesn’t allow an eclectic round 1 from Piffy P to phase him. Instead raising his stock with feelgood schemes and gritty punchlines to snatch it at the end.
Verdict: Presidential Dubz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Presidential Dubz -“You claim you good in the hood and you hugging the block, you only good with the law ‘cuz your mother a cop!”
Recap: Close KOTD 3-rounder between 100 Bulletz and Charron goes Bulletz’ way as the Ontario rapper’s more coalesced breakdowns of his opponent’s rap style, condensed turns and spicy personals/punchlines do just enough damage to edge both of the opening’s over a Charron who until the 3rd round never quiet seemed on his A-game when it came to consistently piercing punchlines or personals.
Verdict: 100 Bulletz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: 100 Bulletz – “In the paint sniffing, no, you in the paint sniffing my balls up in ya face pimp’in, I’m Blake Griffin!”
Recap: Despite all the noise, tension and lack of crowd control in the room, Jay Rell still has enough mettle, hard-hitting bars, hairline jokes and delivery to perform a bodybag on A Oun.
Verdict: Jat Rell (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Jay Rell – “Last battle you had on fake Jordan’s and you stay talking, so even if you stay outside the crosswalk the cops will not confuse that with jaywalking”
Synopsis: Outside of an off 2nd round, Bill Collector literally wilds out and puts together one of his best performances to take a win from QP (Qleen Paper).
Verdict: Bill Collector (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bill Collector – “It’s gonna be a whole lot missing from your neck region, put your face in your chest now you breast feeding”
Recap: Good battle, no stumbles, lots of nice bars/punchlines from Luciano Crakk and Arcane. But throughout the battle Arcane just came off more hungrier (“Since these emcees need a lesson I’ll give ’em a blessing before I bleed ’em like Halal food”) and potent, especially in rounds 1 and 2, so I agree with the judges decision.
Verdict: Arcane (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Arcane – “Let’s be honest you don’t spray cans, you spray tan”
Recap: A couple of huge mistakes by Kick-Stand: starting his round off with the title of a famous song from “Mary Poppins” and admitting in an overtime round that had no business going OT in the first place, that he wasn’t prepared. Couple that with KS’ mostly lame raps along with Profecy’s fierce anme flips, nice personals and steely gun bars and that you get a 30 piece, instead of what should’ve been a 20.
Verdict: Profecy (W) 3-0 (w/ OT)
Favorite line: Profecy – “You don’t come lyrical in any lines that you spitting, so what the fuck you hype for, must be all those lines you sniffing!”
Recap: Edging the first couple of rounds with a steadily cohesive flow and better, quality bars, Brooklyn Carter is able to hang in there and withstand what was a pretty (“I throw bullets like Eli, so if he play for Green Bay then I’m a Aaron [airing] Rodgers!”) ferocious 3rd round from Boogie Flamez.
Verdict: Brooklyn Carter (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Brooklyn Carter – “Yo Rell, this nigga like to tweet a lot, well follow me and you’ll get the pound when I get the piece from Ock!”
Recap: Both Viixen The Assassin and Phara Funeral bring a gang of assorted mayhem in this fiery 1-rounder from G.H.O.G.H. Battle League. But a smoother flow plus a series of piercing schemes, righteous 4-bar set-ups, ringing gun bar sound effects and braggadocios punchlines by Phara gives Ms. Funeral the win.
Verdict: Phara Funeral (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Phara Funeral – “I’m a Trini girl, yeah my dad was a Rasta, but they I’m Italian ‘cuz I stay with them shells and I ain’t talking about that pasta!”
Recap: Proud to be (“See? You the type to beef then be quick to settle, Me? I’m a true white boy, I pump hard rock and I [points fist at JC’s head] bang heavy metal!”) Caucasian emcee Lix proves to be better at the punchlines than the personals, but it’s still not enough to beat JC’s stifling (“I got a whole list of bodies and you just the next one, so watch your step son or get smacked like a stepson”) wordplay, fat jokes and ferocious schemes.
Verdict: JC (W) 2-1
Favorite line: JC – “Nigga, you? Out of all people, you don’t deserve half of my pencil, I watched 30 seconds of your battle and bitch, THAT was the intro!”
Recap: Rare URL 1-rounder sees Chilla Jones sees go at it with Cash Eatin. And while the Detroit emcee puts on a solid show with plenty of residual mayhem, boastful shiners/punches and steady gun lines, one too many dry spots from Cash along with a consistently potent Jones dropping a wide range of stinging 4-bar set-ups, fiery schemes, scathing personals, piercing name flips and head-ringing punchlines with ease, gives Chilla the win.
Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Chilla Jones – “But what you know about them tools?, keep it a hundred you don;t let your heat blast, matter fact let’s keep it a thousand, you ain’t a G…Cash!”
