No Bias. No Narratives.
Recap: Swedish battle rapper Henry Bowers uses a variety of nifty punchlines, witty shiners, a couple of nice rebuttals and some lofty personals to beat back a mostly subpar and seemingly just happy-to-be-there Passwurdz in this 3-rounder from O-Zone Battles Uptown.
Verdict: Henry Bowers (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Henry Bowers – “Sure, I painted my face green, but your’s is green of envy!”
Synopsis: Overall, this one was definitely a yawner, but blame Nov for going on way too long with mostly elementary school, playground bars. So chalk up an easy dub for K-Shine who came with a better delivery, some nice Vegas bars for the hometown fans to eat up and scored heavy with the wordplay.
Verdict: K-Shine (W) 1-0
Best line: K-Shine – “I’ll drag his ass to Texas, where dem checks is, empty, when I used the shotty, they’ll need more than Ray-J to find that Houston body!”
Recap: First, gotta say that the reactions from the woman on the left of the screen with the big earrings, while these two spit their bars was priceless (I’m guessing this was her first time at a rap battle). Secondly, competitive, salacious and punch-heavy 2-rounder here between Nate The Great and Viixen The Assassin made this one a goodie. Lastly, ummm yeah, Viixen got sort of robbed by the judges here as her loud but versatile, (“He look like the little boy off Stuart Little…all grown up!”) personal-savvy, mayhem-rich and more haymaker-lit turn got her a clear win in round 1 before Nate upped his bar efficiency with some scathing raps of his own to come back and take round 2.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Nate The Great – “I’m a make this ho cry and her brain swell when I punch her in both eyes like how her name spelled!”
Recap: A female version of an early Shotgun Suge with her aggression, brazen raps and movie bars, Mz Hollywood makes her mark in this QOTR 3-rouder vs. Bonnie Godiva. Yet by consistently hitting with the wordplay (which we’re pretty sure her new Innuendo team helped out with) as well as scoring with a bunch of spitfire personals and piercing name flips, after the two split the first two rounds, it’s Ms. Godiva who edges things in the 3rd for the win.
Verdict: Bonnie Godiva (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bonnie Godiva – “Who would rather suck a dick than have sex? [‘Hollywood!’], all a nigga really gotta do is give Holly wood!”
Recap: This Grind Time matchup turns out to be a close one as Type Z comes (“I say that real shit that I do…while playing Call of Duty!”) witty with the gun bars and the salacious personals, while Nitty (no ‘Rum’ yet) mostly sticks with hard punchlines and potent set-ups. That said, a debatable 1st and 3rd makes for a deciding 2nd round that Nitty takes handily with more consistent barbs and shiners.
Verdict: Nitty (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Nitty -“I know you can’t stand me probably, I gave his mom a ride and humped her twice…she a camel jockey!”
Recap: Perhaps still upset at his sleep being interrupted too early about a prospective rap (“Why would you call me to even provoke me?!, and early in the morning!, nigga you don’t even know me!”) battle, Ill Will gets downright undignified, dropping crazy wordplay, punchlines, aggressive bars, personals and repeated haymakers on J Huggans to proceed with, execute, complete and toe tag a bodybag.
Verdict: Ill Will (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Ill Will – “I will come to St. Lou and dismember your shit, Lay low the day before and plan on bombin’ ya building the next day…damn that’s similar to September the 10th”
Recap: Listen, you’d be a fool to not say that Aye Verb’s 3rd round was legendary, an epic tutorial, a classic round with the “Hey Big Gerald! ‘Yes Sir!’ Now that’s the way you’re supposed to speak to your son!” spiel undoubtedly going down in URL history as one of the greatest, showstopping moments in battle rap history. Ok, now that we got that out the way and we give Verb his much-deserved props, let’s remind ourselves that this was a 3-round battle, not just one. Thus, I got Hitman Holla edging the first round and come to think of it overall he may’ve been more consistent too. Holla had more hard-hitting personals, he schooled Verb too with the “It’s Rules You Learn As a Kid, Fuck Rap” lines, had better (“I walk in, all hugs from the bitches, the baddest, he walk in, tragic, no looks, Magic”) wordplay, the ‘JR Smith’ remix was crazy and he had slightly less filler. None of that is to say that Verb didn’t show up during the first two rounds as his performance (esp. in round 2) was tight with a lot more variety, the “Holla, killing you gonna hurt me [shakes his head] way more than it’s gonna get to you” quip was hilarious (as was the Murphy Lee diss: “You just a little nigga’s, little nigga”). And tho I don’t think most people would have a problem with someone buying their first car at 24, Verb’s overall theme on how Holla isn’t as real as he portrays not only worked well, but would spark a host of copycats later on. A highly entertaining and closer battle then a lot of people give it credit for, what with Verb dropping more haymakers and this arguably being his best performance, Chaz took home the crown for St. Louis…for one day anyway.
Verdict: Aye Verb (W) 2-1
Favorite line: “I’m a one man slay special, get your whole gang wet up, I come to you first and then all they cribs, I’m like a chain letter”
Recap: Yeah, Thesaurus’ 3rd round ‘Why would you question my parenting faggot?, I fathered this entire scene’ rebuttal should go down as one of the best and most classic rebuts in battle rap history. But at the end of the day it was just a line. And I’m puzzled how one line within a very shortened turn supersedes the extra witty punches and personals Pat Stay was spouting earlier in what was a deciding round 3. Same goes for the 1st round as well which saw Pat lay down a flexing combo of piercing punches, rigid wordplay and boastful barbs over an opponent who while hitting at times, was pretty pedestrian with the raps otherwise. Indeed, if not for Pat struggling with his flow a bit in round 2, this could’ve been a 30, but instead the judges somehow gave Thesaurus the win.
Verdict: Pat Stay (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Pat Stay – “His baby’s mom will send him to the store to buy his daughter some diapers, he’ll come home late all awkwardly hyper, like, ‘Sorry baby. I got caught in a cipher!'”
Recap: Classic Fight Klub battle between (“Your rims don’t turn, your lyrics don’t burn, so as far as I’m concerned, that’s as far as I’m concerned!”) Hitman Holla and RemyD didn’t allow for stumbling, hence a flow-challenged Remy having his 2nd round cut short, before a couple of nice freestyles by Remy in the deciding 3rd round got him a….sudden death OT, which while totally unfair, was no fault of Hitman’s, allowing for Holla to ‘comeback’ with a tie after spitting a solid OT round after Remy slips up once again in the extra round.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: RemyD – “You could tell that I’m the answer, like what come after the equal sign!”
Recap: Almost didn’t recognize him at first, but the infamous Lee Hustle gets in the ring with T Top in this one-rounder from Goonie BattleGroundz. All these years later, Hustle still displays an aggressive style and still doesn’t have a problem talking while his opponent raps, but within a shortened round is only able to spit a couple of standout (“Top, you wanna know why my fans come around? Cuz’ my shit raw, I got the shit that put Whitney in the ground”) bars outside of what amounted to mostly average lines. On the flip side, T Top literally goes ham for like 8 minutes, amping the crowd with crazy personals, steady schemes, raw (“Lee Hustle, you fat muthaficker you, but ask him moms, I’m a fat mother fucker too!”) jokes and persistent name flips on top of a mean performance that allows his to leave the show with a body.
Verdict: T Top (W) 1-0
Favorite line: T Top – “Fuck Hustle, I’m coming for your fam Lee, send Deebo in ya crib, I can’t stand [Stan] Lee!”
Recap: Despite the fact that Kurt Cobain actually committed suicide (sorry Rex, but it wasn’t an O’D) T-Rex’s infinite gun bars and gritty (“If I decide to hit this dude, his chest will be fishnets and he’ll be insect food”) urban soirees are more than enough to overcome Artisan’s weak (“I could guarantee he fuck with that white girl, his nickname should be Barry Bonds”; “And now I’m at his neck, no hickey”) wordplay and elongated angles here in this battle from Ahat.
Verdict: T-Rex (W) 1-0
Favorite line: T-Rex – “Beef with my click we gonna meet with you tonight, these two-fifths I got they don’t equal to a pint!”
Recap: From QOTR, Bonnie Godiva gives a much better ‘Sparring Sesssions” performance than her last showing, spouting a more relaxed cadence while dishing a boatload of hitting punchlines/personals for 3 rounds at opponent Lil Bitz, who after edging round 1 with that dope “Mase…Welcome Back” punch and a slew of raucous backbreakers, couldn’t come up with anything substantive enough to overcome Bonnie’s more efficient darts in the latter rounds.
Verdict: Bonnie Godiva (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bonnie Godiva – “So I could beat you like your Aunt Jackie and send you back to Harlem naked, or let those bullets rain and clear it out, send you back to Harlem shaking!”
Recap: Any judge who bases his vote on how the other judges voted (as the last guy did here) should never be allowed to vote again. That being said, Nims m/ Skillz win this one, a dope rebuttal game along with out-baring and (“Your mama shaves her pussy on the bus!”) out-joking a gritty (“My flow’s fresher than a baby that drowns in detergent”) at times, but overall inconsistent Uno Lavoz with relative ease throughout all three rounds, while making you wish the camera guy gave you at least one shot of just how good Nims’ girl actually looked.
Verdict: Nims m/ Skils (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Nims m/ Skils – “My plan was to beat you than fuck your girl…didn’t happen in that order”
Recap: All Bonnie Godiva here as the Yonkers, NY, emcee rips hardbody, but mostly subpar opponent Ebb Boogie to shreds via a persistent gang of scathing personals and no-holes-barred mayhem to easily win this 1-rounder from Liveloop Battle League.
Verdict: Bonnie Godiva (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Bonnie Godiva – “You the type of ugly bitch that only get molested by her step-dad!”
Recap: For the most part choosing to shoot straight from the hip, Shotgun Suge’s usual assortment of bully bars and street (“These nigga’s call cops when that gat pop, YOU Google news on your laptop!”) bravado lack the wordplay, pizazz and variability that makes them kick, thus giving Tall T’s eccentric (“That’s ‘cuz he was born with the wrong chest!”) jokes, hitting personals and rich punchlines more than enough room to take this East-meets-West one-rounder from URL.
Verdict: Tall T (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Tall T – “If he don’t die the first time I try to spray that nigga, I’ll give him one more shot…like I forgave that nigga!”
Recap: Nice, strong and punch-worthy effort from Star Smilez in this 3-rounder from QOTR. But a prepared 40 B.A.R.R.S. is capable of beating anyone on any given day, as shown here with the Boston femcee flexing throughout via some superlative wordplay, boastful barbs, gritty sexual accolades, head-ringing personals and piercing punchlines to take the latter two rounds for the win after getting edged in the 1st.
Verdict: 40 B.A.R.R.S. (W) 2-1
Favorite line: 40 B.A.R.R.S. – “Run up on Star with that left, i ain’t looking for no autograph!”
Recap: Thanks to some winning names (“Ever since I was yeah tall, I knew how to break laws, my first crime is I’mma get so high cuz I’ll smoke Ty, then I’ll put a arrow through his bone marrow, I’ll bow Ty [tie]”) flips in the 2nd round, Syckflo makes up for a filler-drenched and candy-bar painted 1st round to warrant himself overtime against a sometimes pensive Ty Law. However, in OT while Law’s expansive punchline (“This OT was planned, we know it’s going to me like Reggie Miller with a minute left”) games shines, an unprepared Syckflo can’t even pull off a freestyle to save himself from a bout with slip-ups and finally a last-minute visit from Earl.
Verdict: Ty Law (W) OT
Favorite line: Ty Law – “You anorexic, you been messing with the meth at night, I’m ambidextrous, I’ve been killing rappers left and right!”
Recap: With the ability to go three rounds without spitting a single direct bar at his opponent, who knows if Young Mike was woke enough to realize that he was in a battle and not just spitting bars over a beat in the booth. Not that it mattered to Young X, who styles on Mike with enough steady jokes, nice (“I make Christians when I rap. I got the people like ‘Gawd’!”) braggadocio lines and rich storytelling bars to score an easy 3-0.
Verdict: Young X (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Young X – “Tell the truth, stop lying, you ain’t never slang hard, purse-snatcher, running off with people’s Medicaid cards!”
Recap: From KOTD, after the two split the first couple of rounds (Passwurdz taking the 1st before Skeely took round 2), Passwurdz’s flow-istic punchlines and his opponent’s pointed, hardbody stylings/personals (“And I heard that bitch you got in Oakland will let the whole block bang, she be giving more neck than a King of the Dot chain!”) equate with enough heat in the deciding 3rd to make this one a draw.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Passwurdz – “You bring a fat, black girl to every battle that you have and I think that’s just Precious!”
Recap: Tay Roc is both a seasoned vet and a good challenge for anybody, thus one would think that in front of his home crowd a rising neophyte like QP (Qleen Paper) would not only be prepared, but amped to put on a dope performance for his native Detroit. Unfortunately, that’s not the case here as after putting forth a stellar first (“I’ll sweep ya grandma cane, sleep that bitch and tell her get up off the floor and out your teth back bitch!”) round, which featured a lot potent trap talk and hard-hitting bars, Qleen’s stock went immediately downhill as loaded bars were replaced by a whole lot of filler, dry spots and a 3rd round that’ll probably go down as the beginning of Qleen’s “I don’t give a fuck” run. Meanwhile, Roc had a strong and consistent performance throughout, dropping straight (“ya man got an issue, whip out that pistol [points] then Qleen next!”) heat, landing punches with aggressive bars, nice (“I’m in Detroit, where you riding, wack nigga, word is in Detroit is he a lying [Lion] ass nigga”) personals, dope name flips (esp. the Detroit battle rapper lines) and killing it with the (“We pull up right beside of ya, shooting, no photographer, you don’t wanna dance with me, get ya choreographer”) wordplay. Altogether, a sound performance on the road by Tay Roc and another dub for Mr. Maryland.
Verdict: Tay Roc (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Qleen Paper – “I’mma play the bishop role, you could have King, I don’t care if you with your bitch, I’ll make a bad scene, grab weave and pull it down the block…that’s a drag queen!”
Recap: If you’re going to travel all the way to the opposite coast for a one-round rap battle, you might as make it worth your while. And Tsu Surf does so here, combining aggressive wordplay, hitting subtitles (“You look like a horse jockey, take that in consideration [take that and consider racing]”) and witty bars to bring back a win to Jersey.
Verdict: Tsu Surf (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Tus Surf – “Boy I will trend everybody in your family, I get them pounds poppin’, and if I don’t make it out, them homies gonna be like Sacramento and San Fran, how they surround Stockton”
Recap: May be a minor thing, but always respected Okwerdz’s choice to go 1st in battles. And here in this Grind Tine bout against Real Deal, the Stockton, CA vet offered up some serious comp what with a bunch of fierce punches and witty/rigid personals throughout the match. But after a debatable round 1 and a pretty dope 2nd from his opponent, Real Deal’s ability to up his punch/personal game, get extra busy with a couple of fire rebuttals and then use his final round to get righteous and excellently break down Okwerdz’s rap style and career, gets the Working Man’s Rapper a well-earned win.
Verdict: Real Deal (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Real Deal – “We would rather hear 1-dimensional good rapping with gun rhymes than hear some yell to overcompensate for actual punchlines!
Recap: A bit of a slow start from McKims doesn’t stop him from dishing enough scheming wit and lofty wordplay to beat back a pretty pedestrian and perhaps uninspired O-Red in this one-rounder from BlockCityTV.
Verdict: McKims (W) 1-0
Favorite line: McKims – “Lines go over the top of they head like words that Common say, so if I spit something, they’ll get nuthin like Joe Jackson on Father;s Day!”
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Synopsis: Not a huge upset, but an upset nonetheless with an underwheling B. Magic seemingly not taking Young Kannon seriously and it showed throughtout this battle what with YK bringing his typical aggression, but matching it with a bunch of fiery gun bars, personals and even schemes. Overall, one of YK’s better showings.
Verdict:Â Young Kannon (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Young Kannon – “My ‘matic buries adversaries, 16 shots will knock the dust off of Ashy Larry!”
Recap: Battling vs. a (“You like a female fucking herself with a dildo Rex, cuz you ’bout as fake as they come [cum])” game and aggressive St. Louis rapper in G Souldier, T-Rex unloads a smashing performance, dropping wisecracks at Aye Verb and Yung Ill, some ill (“Been working out ‘cuz that desert eagle a little stronger”) guns bars and of course, that grown man shit that when Rex is on his A-game, not too many can mess with. Way too short a battle, but nonetheless a win for Rex.
Verdict: T-Rex (W) 1-0
Favorite line: T-Rex – “I see the mag, pick it up, squeeze it fast, have his block full of empty shells like they eating crabs”
Recap: Dope battle with lots of personals, stage presence and aggressive bars on both sides. However, QB wasn’t at her best (too much filler) here and I don’t know if we’re supposed to believe Hustle about all those dudes QB allegedly smashed. That said, first two rounds could go either way, but QB, thanks in part to Hustle keeping it so short, definitely took the 3rd for the win.
Verdict: QB (W) 2-1
Favorite line: QB – “So what the fuck you mean if I talk about your daughter you gonna punch me in my face?, bitch I’ll turn that little bitch upside down like I’m looking for change”
Recap: An early in his career and not-so-polished J. Murda almost gets caught slipping against an at times (“You said you got knocked for a burna, and they gave you time for shells, video chatting on your phone, that’s the only time you faced a cell”) hard-hitting, but overall average J. Ripp in this Spittaz battle League match. Indeed, Murda’s quantity of fierce punchlines and braggadocio bars in the first couple of rounds prove to be just enough for the win.
Verdict: J. Murda (W) 2-1
Favorite line: J. Murda – “I’m hype as fuck, I dare you to try something, I’ll grip the glock and rip his top then again I’m staright with my hands like 6 o’cock”
Recap: It’s an easy bodybag for Young X as his prolific and jaunty (“You couldn’t fuck with me, you ain’t half as wicked, you’ll turn state’s evidence over a traffic ticket!”) personals along with a slew of rich anecdotes trounces a slip-up and substandard-bar prone 811.
Verdict: Young X (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Young X – “You ain’t got the power to blow and you lost because 8:11 was a couple of hours ago!”
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Synopsis: I don’t know if I’d call this a great battle or a classic, but it was a pretty good nonetheless because of the fact that both Surf and Big T came with it during all three rounds, therefore making it close throughout. Yet the overall edge here goes to Surf for these reasons: while Big T had some great lines (the set up for the Keenan Ivory Wayans scheme in round 3 was dope), alomng the way he hurt himself quite a bit with filler. On the other hand Surf was more consistently hard (esp. in round a brazen, punch/wordplay-heavy and classic round 3) and aggressive. Then too, while rounds 1 and 3 were debatable, I thought Surf clearly won round 2 with better personals, jokes and clever bars, while Big T repeated a couple of lame schemes towards the end of rounds that he might have won. I didn’t like Surf talking a bit of smack during Big T’s round, but Jersey still got this one.
Verdict: Tsu Surf (W) 2-1
Best line: Tsu Surf – “What female would want to put her face between these knees?, that friction could only give off a ranch dressing smell or cream cheese, bagel things!”
Recap: Outdoor, lower league battles can be appreciated for their grittiness, but too much extra noise in the back begs for better crowd control. Either way I definitely wasn’t expecting that ending….still Steams got this.
Verdict: Steams (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Steams – “In my last two battles, niggas said I work housing so I’m used to putting garbage where it belongs”
Recap: A speedy flow from Bowski doesn’t offer much substance when it comes to bars, leaving Charron with plenty of room to maneuver and spout some solid punches/personals for the win, despite not quite being on this A-game, in this Don’t Flop tournament battle.
Verdict: Charron (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Charron – “I wanna win the 80 pounds…you wanna lose like 80 pounds!”
Recap: Already setting up his opponent’s love for illegal narcotics with very pointed personals in the earlier rounds, Cortez would take it to another level with a pretty mean (and classic) and thoro round 3, that was more lit on substance than craft. Still, for all of Cortez’s residual mayhem, race-baiting chatter and elicit STD personals, in this 3-rounder from KOTD, Hollohan did work hard to make things competitive, utilizing an aggressive use of ethnically-charged jokes, self-deprecating bars, fiery schemes and some ripping (“I fucked your bitch in your living room, that filthy ho was pathetic, more things happened on the couch than The Simpson’s opening credits!”) punches/wordplay to keep the battle close. However, in the end, it’s a more condensed Cortez who after getting edged in the 1st, scores with more heat to edge the 2nd, before his aforementioned 3rd seals the win.
Verdict: Cortez (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Cortez – “Real friends help you make yourself, if I was him as a fake friend I would hate myself, all the ‘roids and the cocaine I would hate my health, if I’m the reason my man’s dead, I would take myself!”
Recap: Never heard of Murda before watching this battle, thus couldn’t help but think it’d be an easy vic for M. Ciddy with his experience and especially after all the (“I’ll lay your ass flat like Nicole Ritchie”) fire he was spitting in his round 1. But out of nowhere Murda took his turn and came with straight heat, delivering aggressive (“I can cut you with spoons and bust your head with an over mitt”) bars with rapid precision to make it a pretty good and competitive battle. With both coming kind of weak in the middle round, it wasn’t until the 3rd that M. Ciddy was able to step it up, separate himself with some all-too-wicked (“Spark clap, give him all dat like Amanda Bynes”) bars and name schemes with potent deliveries and execution to grab the win.
Verdict: M. Ciddy (W) 2-1
Favorite line: M. Ciddy – “Call it Redrum because Murda [murder] got it twisted”
Recap: Don’t Flop Entertainment 2-round freestyle battle between Charron and Lefty sees the latter put forth a solid effort with a couple of worthwhile punches mixed in. But Charron, now a veteran when it comes to these off-the-dome contests, takes each round easy with a gang of fiery punchlines, clever name flips and piercing personals.
Verdict: Charron (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Charron – “If you’re a Lefty, I’m fucking ambidextrous!”
Recap: Aye Verb struggles a bit with his delivery, but still has plenty of juice (“Mixing all types of shit up, lyrical gumbo!”) in his tank to cook O-Red, who along with spitting mostly light bars during his turn here, makes the brutal mistake of trying to get off a gimmick (i.e. ‘Translation’) in front of an away crowd (in this case, Detroit) who clearly had no idea what the hell he was doing. Then Red makes it even worse by begging for a 2nd round after Smack announced a strict one-round, time limit at the start of the battle…smh.
Verdict: Aye Verb (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Aye Verb – “You ain’t got the heart and you ain’t gonna shoot, you Rondo in LeBron mode!”
Recap: With terrifically basic bars like “But to be real I ain’t looking at you, I’m looking past you”, the ruthlessly named Killa Killa stands no chance against the clever wordplay, nice (“…got a cold gun that kill early, Young Kannon!”) schemes and repeated punchlines from Presidential Dubz, in this one-rounder from We Go Hard.
Verdict: Presidential Dubz (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Presidential Dubz -“Your sister wanted me to fuck her in the Coupe, but shit, it’s like I threw two fingers up, the way I do sis [deuces]!”
Synopsis: With rigid (“Pour in ya 40’s, like niggas drinkin’ thinkin’ bout their dead homies”)
bars and delirious punchlines Ty Law drops the hammer down on Boka with relative ease.
Verdict: Ty Law (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Ty Law – “This ain’t Lux vs. Mook, it’s a kitten verse a-class”
Recap: 3-round freestyle in the streets battle between Charron and Pamflit is pretty one-sided as Charron’s prolific sex jokes, fiery punchlines and deft usage of the scenery to create bars more than beat back his opponent’s mostly subpar lines.
Verdict: Charron (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Charron – “You’re like a fat chick’s yearbook, you’ll never get signed!”
Recap: Rigid storytelling bars, a whole host of blistering name flips. able freestyles, braggadocios darts and some piercing personals/punchlines are all there as Dizaster easily takes the opening rounds of this Punchout Battles 3-rounder versus Truth, before a more consistently solid punching and personal-bent Truth edges the 3rd.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Dizaster – “You look like Bill Gates…when he was still 8!”
Recap: QOTR “Sparring Sessions” battle between newbies Bonnie Godiva and Jada Raye features plenty of mayhem from both battlers, some excellent constructive criticism from the judges and a vic for Bonnie Godiva, who despite speeding through her raps like she had a flight to catch, with a clean 2nd and 3rd coupled with Jada struggling with her flow during the same respective rounds, edges this one.
Verdict: Bonnie Godiva (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bonnie Godiva – “Spit a blunt flow ‘cuz these bitches trigger my appetite!”
Synopsis: Old Ill: cocky, aggressive, superb wordplay, some personals, bars on top of bars. Really, Rex didn’t stand much of a chance against this version of Ill, but he showed up and made it a match (tho he might’ve used some recycled bars). Still overall, Ill took this one with more consistent and fiery bars.
Verdict: Yung Ill (W) 1-0
Best line: Yung Ill – “I’m like a procrastinating pimp ever since I picked up this pistol, i ain’t put my mac down yet”
Recap: Showoff uses aggressively rugged, raw and rudimentary bars plus some ill schemes to easily take out an early in his battle career and not-quite-ready-for-primetime Brooklyn Carter, who’s clearly gotten a lot better since this one-round matchup from WeGoHard..
Verdict: Showoff (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Showoff – “I heard the nigga crip, cool, but he put in work for them blood niggas, I asked him ‘Why?’, he replied like a crip ‘Cuz nigga'”
Recap: From Detroit, a mostly pedestrian Avalanche scores (esp. in round 3) with some witty personals here and there, but in this 3-rounder hosted by Bizarre from D12, it’s all Iron Solomon. The NYC battler going ham (especially during a classic, back-to-back haymaker-drenched round 2) with a boatload of hitting personals and flexing punchlines/name flips to earn the 30.
Verdict: Iron Solomon (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Iron Solomon – “And all this rah-rah shit, you need to stop trying it, your image is like your album…nobody’s buying it!”
Recap: Loud, hard, aggressive and gritty 3-rounder between Bad Newz and Killa Kel from Battle Central has Newz delivering more consistent lines of steely mayhem, heated punchlines, gun-certified posits and boisterous, braggadocio flair with rapid ease to out-perform his solid, but not-quite-as-steady opponent.
Verdict: Bad Newz (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Bad Newz – “These little pussy ass niggers, the nigger’s I’m immune to, choppers wake his ass up, like right before a funeral!”
Synopsis: I’ll give Rosenberg credit for an incredible round one: performance-heavy (nice work playing to the crowd with the Shotgun Suge disses), spitting real bars, personals, etc., all said while keeping in consistent “beast-mode” throughout, in front of a hostile crowd no less which easily gave him the round. But then starting with round 2 the real JC showed up (the Ray Charles line alone put him over the top) with polished bars that had you fiending for more, turning what could’ve been a slug-fest into a rout.
Verdict: JC (W) 2-1
Best line: JC – “Them starving hoes turn Mario, soon as you hit that brick you see the change in them”
Recap: K.O. kept it close with some tough (“These niggas wanna talk shit, but then they scared to get hit, it’s flag football!”) lines against T Top, until he pulled a Canibus and starting reading some bars from a piece a paper in round 3. A little flat with his wordplay and struggling a btitwith his delivery, T Top still managed to spit enough potent bars to get the win.
Verdict: T Top (W) 2-1
Favorite line: T Top – “Bitch niggas, i turn my back on those pussies, I like twat, so I might just look back at them pussies”
Recap: Spicy and witty 2-round freestyle battle between JC and Zell B ends up as a draw due to the bout apparently ending after JC spit his 2nd round without Zell being able to get his turn in.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: JC – “He came out here pitch black…nigga lighten up!”
Synopsis: Not much to see here as X-Factor did a total demolition of Rich Dolarz, who after almost choking in round 1, put on a decent comeback (you could argue that round 2 was debatable), but still couldn’t handle X’s overall tenacity, bars, joke-telling (tho that “You so much of a bitch I had plans on mating you” line was kinda teh ghey) and of course, “priority” darts. Give Rich credit tho for coming through in front of a clearly biased crowd against one of Detroit’s most notable vets–perhaps choosing not to wear the stanky Yankee cap did him in.
Verdict: X-Factor (W) 3-0
Best line: X-Factor – “I’m from Detroit where hustling’s a profession so for that work they let off rounds, they carry wessons so will smith you for 7 pounds”
Recap: Too many basic bars and not much else on both sides, but Cash outnumbered G-Soldier on the bars and punchlines that hit, so he gets the dub.
Verdict: Cash Eatin (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Cash Eatin – “All my goons known to squirt the Tek, we keep extra arms, birth defect, them choppers with us so we been popping, Percocet”
Recap: Infamous Rap Battle America card that also featured Hitman Holla vs. Goodz as well as T-Rex vs. Yung Ill, brings you St. Louis vet Big Will against K-Shine and despite a pronounced Will at times hitting with gritty jokes and raucous lines/schemes on his opponent’s Harlem hood, too many pedestrian bars from Will along with a confident Shine frequently scoring throughout this 1-rounder with gritty punchlines/schemes, lucid gun bars, fire angles and potent name flips, gives the Zip ‘Em Up/Dot Mobb crew member a solid win here.
Verdict: K-Shine (W) 1-0
Favorite line: K-Shine – “Give a click and a bang, it ain’t hard to get him wacked, ‘cuz every rapper with ‘Big’ in his name get an RIP attcahed!”
Recap: Thanks to Uncle Trick Trick introducing himself to the world outside of Detroit, so much has already been said about this battle that we’ll just keep it short and judge it on who rapped better. So while Arsonal had some good (“You X-Factor and Miles…you dirty motherfuckers!”) jokes, was aggressive throughout, came with hard (“Your punk ass daddy only did one crime, one time, now he only get an hour worth of sunshine”) bars along with plenty of personals and altogether put on a dope performance, too much filler and average bars, especially in rounds 1 and 3 (the alphabet scheme was nice, but it wasn’t unique or that much better than all the other dudes have given us their versions of Papoose’s bestowla to the world), hurt him. For Calicoe, along with a more cohesive and consistent show, he really impressed mocking Arsonal’s style of rap, dispensing dope (“I mean I heard of MTV Jams, shit I even heard of MTV 2, but your shit cam eout on MTV U, I mean I’m not even sure that’s something MTV do”) rebuttals along with exquisite (“They think I’m good [Goodz] but I don’t throw bottles, I’m jumping in this crowd like I play for the Packers”) punchlines, personals, gritty street bars and fleeting wordplay. Good, entertaining and close battle, but I got Calicoe edging rounds 1 and 3 to take it in the end.
Verdict: Calicoe (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Calicoe – “This is what Wale would look like if Rick Ross ain’t gave him another chance”
Recap: Uno Lavos bumps into a rare emcee who can compete with him on the joke tip as Lunar C uses funny jokes (“Denying your own ethnicity is a bit shady, he’ll try telling you that he’s Spanish and not an Arab, but we all know he’s Israeli”), some weighty bars and witty (“Where I’m from, Philadelphia’s a spreadable cheese”) quips to take the latter rounds here and overcome his opponent’s 1st round comeuppance, zealotry and neck jokes.
Verdict: Lunar C (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Lunar C – “You have a small nose and big nostrils, the hatred I have for your nose can’t be contained, I wholeheartedly hate that whole part of your face, when you breathe out through it it makes you walk backwards and have a slow start to your day”
Recap: Not quite a bodybag to add his resume (Mac N Cheeze pretty much took the first round off), but GE still drops enough hot bars and witty punchlines to take this one even after his opponent finally woke up in round 2.
Verdict: GE (W) 2-0.
Favorite line: GE – “Sometimes I shoot for no reason like New Years Eve”
Synopsis: 1st appearance of Earl, but really what’s a choke? Depends on who you ask. IMO, however, it’s completely forgetting your rhymes. Hitman didn’t do that here, but then would it have mattered? Hitman’s performance, bars and name flips were poor at best (a real disappointment considering Holla was in front of his home crowd) and Goodz although not at his best either, still spit enough bars and came with enough swag plus personals to take the win….in spite of Earl.
Verdict: Goodz (W) 1-0
Best line: Goodz – “You ain’t nothing but an Urkel nigga that can turn into Stefon”
Recap: Charron uses a slew of hard-hitting punchlines/personals to easily beat back the pedestrian raps from Spesh K in this 2-round Proud2BEhBattleMC WD2 tournament battle from KOTD.
Verdict: Charron (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Charron – “When I fuck your sister, I double-fist her!”
Recap: A rare one-rounder from Grind Time finds Dizaster literally going IN on an overconfident and filler-proned Megadef with crowd-pleasing name flips, scholarly (“You’re the type of rapper I don’t even have to write to beat”) bars and a plethora of witty bars to easily get the dub.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Dizaster – “You’re a direct descendant, an inbred that’s been bred from relative incest, which makes sense ‘cuz it reflects the level of meth in your piss test”
Recap: Stunting and boasting left and right with elements of gritty street barbs mixed in, Calicoe and Prince Lord take it back to the rudimentary basics of who can out-rap the other in this 1-rounder from P. Noble TV, which a more consistently spicy and punch-heavier Calicoe easily wins.
Verdict: Calicoe (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Calicoe – “This thing ain’t about rap, look at my profession, too bad this nigger future ain’t as bright as his complexion!”
Recap: Despite some indirect bars here and there and helped a bit by Charron dishing a wide load of Mexican jokes on a guy who’s Dominican (granted in a past battle against Forkfarm, Charron did the same thing as far as mistaken identity goes, but he also had a shitload of other noteworthy punches to stand out there), after the two split the first two rounds, a more versatile, steady with the heat, schemes/personal-heavy and freestyle/punchline-savvy Jonny Storm outlasts his opponent in the deciding 3rd round for the win.
Verdict: Jonny Storm (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Jonny Storm – “I didn’t sleep on this kid, but I’m sure Michael Jackson did!”
Recap: Kicking a gang of righteous heat to go along with a bunch of stifling personals, piercing punchlines and solid wordplay, Imah X beats back a lyrically-bent and punch-lit at times, but also flow-challenged 40 B.A.R.R.S in this Sparring Session battle from QOTR.
Verdict: Imah X (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Imah X – “Bitch, you a mom, if you be with the toaster, it’s Eggo’s, stop playing, if you got those blocks locked…it’s Lego’s!”
