No Bias. No Narratives.
Recap: A second outing between Dizaster and Everybody Knows goes about the same way as the first with Dizaster dishing a roundhouse of Asian/Vietnamese jokes and other spirited punchlines to score an easy 30 over his much less potent opponent.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Dizaster – “I’m not about to lose to my computer technician!”
Synopsis: The maturity of a one-time “champion” is on total display here as Tech-9 not only puts on a great performance, but brings along bars, stories, personals, crowd control, aggression and schemes that meet the high standards of his show (clearly a 180 from Tec’s Lion’s Den days, where he too often tried to be funny instead of delivering consistent and coherent bars along with punchlines). The only question here is whether or not this is Tech at his peak because the former, self-proclaimed “URL champion” hasn’t been the same since.
Verdict: Tech-9 (W) 3-0
Best line: Tech’s whole Round 1 is just classic material. but that “too many weapons, too many maybachs, all this talk about you swerving the jag, you a taxi driver the only thing you serving is cabs, you gotta beat your co-workers to the spot” line was fire.
Recap: Stunting with a confident and gritty Harlem flow that was consistently backed by infectious punchlines, razor-edged bars and plenty of mayhem, K-Shine scores a 30 in this 3-rounder versus a solid, but much less engaging Strictly Bizness (SB).
Verdict: K-Shine (W) 3-0
Favorite line: K-Shine – “He could die off the first try like ecstasy!”
Recap: A fairly competitive battle gets thrown off kilter via a wack move by Calicoe who cuts Luciano Crakk’s 3rd round short because he may or may’ve not been on his way to pulling an Earl. Forget the fact that entertng the 3rd round the kid was hanging in there with JC or that he might’ve been able to freestyle or do something to survive from choking, Calicoe, who was clearly rooting for his hometown brethren JC to win the battle, didn’t give Luciano a long enough chance to quit on the round or pull himself together. Not JC’s fault tho, and he still would’ve got the victory anyway.
Verdict: JC (W) 2-1
Favorite line: JC – “We could visit the same doctor don’t make you sick as me nigga, with that DiGiorno ass swag that ain’t delivery nigga”
Recap: Cash Eatin reminds you a lot of Qleen Paper, but with less charisma, humor and flavorful bars. The passion is there tho and every now and again he can drop a haymaker or two, but too often he falls in the trap of basic bars and a straightforward style that doesn’t leave anything to the imagination. Still, against a challenger like Time Bomb, on the road no less, Cash did more than enough to take all 3 rounds here.
Verdict: Cash Eatin (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Cash Eatin – “I’ll have this nigga looking so nasty that nobody wanna see, it’s like two midgets who made a sex tape”
Recap: 1-round Red Bull EmSee freestyle battle between Yung ZM and DNA goes the latter’s way as while ZM dished a solid roudn of gritty burners, the more eclectic and rebuttal-friendly DNA edges things in the end.
Verdict: DNA (W) 1-0
Favorite line: DNA – “You know I’m gonna pop shit after being at the your bitch house, ‘cuz I’m the locksmith!”
Recap: Like a Mariano Rivera cut fastball, even if you know it’s coming, doesn’t mean you can hit it. That’s the theme here as a hilarious, crowd-pleasing X-Factor loaded up on the tooth jokes to help him come from behind and beat a versatile, but stamina-lacking DNA. Indeed, after (“Nigga, you so old when you battled Nemysys I had a tooth!”) out-snapping his opponent to take an all-around fire 1st round, DNA, while still solid for the latter two rounds, just couldn’t match X-Factor’s comeuppance, which included a multi-faceted, (“DNA stand for Dentures Not Around!”) punch-heavy 2nd round and a superb, personal/priorities-drenched and witty 3rd round that continued to rock the crowd and more importantly gave the Detroit emcee the win.
Verdict: X-Factor (W) 2-1
Favorite line: X-Factor – “If you walk into an executive office, they’ll beg your pardon…they’ll look you square in the face and say, that’s nothing we can market!”
Recap: You’d think when people in the crowd are yelling that they can’t hear you on stage, someone would be smart enough to get the battlers a mic or two ro rap with. Either way, if you listen close enough you can hear 40 B.A.R.R.S. get pretty gully with it here and just snap on gritty, but also topsy-turvy opponent Gatman Jones, using enough stifling personals, sexual salutations and boastful darts to take rounds 1 and 3 for the win in this 3-rounder from Grind Time New England.
Verdict: 40 B.A.R.R.S. (W) 2-1
Favorite line: 40 B.A.R.R.S. – “They gonna think I killed Kenny when I bust in this BabyFace!”
Synopsis: Marvwon got the empathy votes from the judges but not me. Yes, Pat Stay’s personal bars were super mean, but being able to say the most disrespectful shit possible (Pat Stay: “I’m a fucking battle rapper, we’re the rudest fucking people on earth”) is part of the essence of battle rap. For that reason, along with the hilarious jokes and personals, it was Pat Stay who clearly got this.
Verdict: Pat Stay (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Marvwon – “Look, he looking sad right now, he gonna front like he can’t get a cab right now”
Recap: Here we see Rosenberg Raw make for a solid effort with his usual firestorm of cocky punches and shit-stirring mayhem. But a more versatile and aggressive O-Red, flippant with the personals, hilarious with the pictorials, gritty with the punchlines/name flips and festive with the gun bars, delivers too much rampant heat for his opponent to have a chance in this 3-rounder from Block City.
Verdict: O-Red (W) 3-0
Favorite line: O-Red – “On second thought why waste ammo to shoot his ass?, you’ze a fag there’s no need to let that Ruger blast, counter left, up it, nice hook with a truthful jab, I will beat the shit out of Seth from Superbad!”
Recap: A last-minute replacement for Hollohan, SMP puts up a decent showing with self-deprecating shiners and some witty (“Your BROWser’s bigger than Google’s”) personals that had the crowd howling. But outside of struggling with his delivery and freestyle game in round two, Dizaster’s rampant fat (“Why the fuck are your shoulder blades oval shaped?”) jokes and off the dome (“I can tell you had an awesome breakfast!”) personals in the 1st and 3rd rounds were just way too much for his opponent to keep up with.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Dizaster -“Last time I went to New York I removed the torch from the statue, last time you went to New York, the Ghostbusters attacked you”
Recap: Only found this matchup after seeing the Half Past 7 vs. Bigg K battle. Half Past had some heat (“Top news John John got stabbed in a brawl and if his friends request beef then I’m tagging them all”), but overall JJDD came with better name flips, delivery, creativity and all-around hotter bars.
Verdict: John John da Don (W) 1-0
Favorite line: John John da Don -“Tired of hearing all this bullshit how you squeeze teks, so take those AR’s out your bars ‘cuz it’s BS”
Recap: Not the first time DNA has been robbed of a battle (check his Grind Time battle vs. Lil Farnum), but shame on Spoonie G., Redman and Joell Ortiz for screwing him here as in the Final round of this Redbull Emsee Challenge, despite clearly spitting the better freestyles and punches, all 3 judges would give the win to his mostly pedestrain opponent Mic Stew.
Verdict: DNA (W) 1-0
Favorite line: DNA – “I’ll treat you like Roc-A-Fella when my heat spray, if you spill the Beans, you’ll find that body on the Freeway!”
Recap: Need a reason not to pit two battle rappers against each other who are cool with each other outside the ring? Then look no farther than here as Hitman Holla and Hollow da Don face off in a battle that can best be described as listless and uneventful. Struggling to really diss each other (they both went the usual routes without getting too personal) or spit their best bars in front of a crowd that was clearly weary from a long day (this was a main event battle and thus the last one of the night), even Hitman and Hollow’s best lines were met with lukewarm applause. With Hitman clearly winning round one with better bars and Hollow clearly taking round 3 (on the fake dap alone), it’s round two that decided this one and despite an energetic and nice round by (“…chopper knock his section down, grab him by his neck and unload that whole second round”) Hitman, Hollow edged it out with nicer (“You’re about as useless as a hitchhiker with a broken thumb”) personals, solid rebuttals, steady aggression and dope performance (“Take his girl, poke her [poker] face, I’m not bluffing”) bars.
Verdict: Hollow da Don (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Hollow da Don – “I Brewed her, I Boozed her, you woulda thought the Bulls was playing, I mean, I ain’t Know Her, but when that D Rose, she was like, ‘Dang!’” (All references to the Bulls 2011 roster)
Recap: Up until the 3rd round, King was able to dispense some witty {“You worked at Dairy Queen, giving nigga’s extra scoops!”) lines to stay competitive with Bigg K. The 3rd round, however, presents a different story as a more animated K’s spitfire barbs and potent (“When I post up, I get the set and go ham, when he post up, he hit the ‘Net and go spam!”) set-ups leads him to an earnest victory.
Verdict: Bigg K (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bigg K – “Broad day shooter, lick a hundred out that yopper, and it’ll crack that skull like I’m drinking hundred dollar Vodka!”
Recap: Crazy, dope and classic first round by K-Shine, piling up points with ease via a plethora of hitting personals, wild storytelling bars and nice (“Free my brother Surf on that strapped charge, but two months later he’s on a Smack card, talking about I’m back y’all, now either that’s odd or that’s the fastest three-and-a-half I’ve ever seen for a gat charge!”) anecdotes on Tsu Surf’s resume in and outside the battle ring. Yet, Shine’s early lead gets overtaken by Surf’s continuous onslaught of Dot Mobb (“Rex you’ll haul ass before you ever get a bruise on you, heard you ain’t wake up til Friday, when Ice put the cubes on you”!) jokes/personals, sizzling performance bars and gritty (“All my guns from Atlanta, low prices I get more for less, aim it at that bright pink and yellow jackets with these Georgia tek’s”) street talk. So while it’s Shine who comes away with the most memorable round, Surf”s rampant execution throughout and Shine’s way-too-short 3rd, leaves the kid from Jersey with what’s most important and that’s the win.
Verdict: Tsu Surf (W) 2-1
Favorite line: K Shine – “Tsunami Surf?!? [hmmph] Nigga, ain’t nutin’ wavy about you!”
Synopsis: Damn, E-Ness could’ve mumbled rapped a bar and his Philly homies would’ve cheered for him. But hey, can’t knock a guy for making sure his whole block shows up to support him. That said, this battle had all the mixing of what ads up to no replay value: crazy hot venue, sweaty mugs, a boisterous and almost deafening crowd, bad mics and a shitload of weak, pedestrian bars from both Ness and Arsonal. Thus, in the end you’re left deciding not who really won, but who lost.
Verdict: Arsonal (W) 2-1
Best line: E-Ness – “All your jewelry passed down, Mack Maine”
Recap: From Got Beef? Entertainment, one too many raps by Aussie battler Defron on his opponent’s occupation plus a witty, personal savvy and more punchline-lit Real Deal outscoring Defrom in each round adds up to the Pittsburgh battler taking rounds 1 and 3 (call the 2nd debatable) for the win.
Verdict: Real Deal (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Real Deal – “If you want to be a contender in this league you’ll out-rap the muthafucka…but you don’t have the ball!”
Recap: It’s pretty much a roasting session in this battle between Jai and Spee Dolla, with Jai mercilessly dissing everything from his opponent’s skin tone to his alleged (“The only time you doubling stacks is when you adding fries with that!”) occupation. All in all, it’s more than enough for the guy from 400 Block to easily take the 1st two rounds and the win.
Verdict: Jai (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Jai – “Black son of a bitch, when you sweat you look like a wet grape!”
Synopsis: One of those early Proving Ground battles that doesn’t get the attention it deserves. As John John makes his first appearance on the URL stage and almost goes toe-to-toe with a typically nice B-Magic. I gave Magic the slight edge because I just thought that his punchlines and personals hit a bit more than JJDD’s, while as his round went on Magic just seemed to get nicer with each bar.
Verdict: B-Magic (W) 1-0
Best line: B Magic – “Bitch I get long dome like Stewie head, bangin’ cans behind your car like a newlywed, think you sick well B-Magic is the Sudafed, this right hook will give you them Zab Judah noodle legs”
Synopsis: I know watching a battle live is harder to judge than watching it in footage, but in this case the punchlines Law spit in the 1st and 3rd rounds clearly bodied anything Hindu Rock had to say, so who knows what a couple of those judges was talking about.
Verdict: Ty Law (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ty Law – “He was born a fag, the fruit of his mom’s labor”
Recap: Midwest battle rapper Dallas spits an aggressive and (“He acts like a bitch to get attention, you’re TYler Perry!”) fierce 1st round, but goes off the bender right around the “Tywanna Man” mark with inconsistent wordplay and corny nerd semantics. Meanwhile, Ty Law only gets better as the battle proceeds and uses some wicked (“This geek rides solo, he don’t get no hoes, only bitch on Dallas…Romo!”) personals along with dope name flips to bounce back for the win.
Verdict: Ty Law (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ty Law – “And yeah he moving white, [but] he ain’t start pitching, he moving white because he off rhythm!”
Recap: Exquisite wordplay, name flips, street talk, (“Bitch I’m somethin’ you never seen like bird piss”) punchlines, flat-out bars, it’s all there as B Magic spazzes on a tough, but just not ready for prime time V.I. The Great.
Verdict: B Magic (W) 1-0
Favorite line: B Magic – “The mad desi get to flying at ya k, have it on the tip of ya tongue like something you trying to say”
Recap: It’s Charron, so Ubiquitous knew the Asian jokes were coming and he handled himself with flair, spouting some astute breakdowns of his opponent to go along with some fierce punchlines and make things competitive. Still, even without the stereotypical racial barbs, for the opening rounds Charron nonetheless scored, using some aggressive name flips, rank humor and piercing rebuttals/punches/personals of his own to take the 1st round and edge the 2nd for the win.
Verdict: Charron (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Charron – “You have such low self-esteem, that nothing helps, you’re so pathetic during sex you fantasize…that you’re someone else!”
Recap: A more versatile with the bars, condensed and punch-heavy Steams takes this early We Go Hard 1-rounder from a braggadocio-inclined, but elongated and redundant SpazzOne/
Verdict: Steams (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Steams – “Fuck he gonna teach me?, I’ll chalk this nigga, you know rappers shien when they dead, glow in the dark this nigga!”
Recap: Moreso an O-Red tripping over himself and never getting up than getting beat by his opponent, after easily taking the 1st round here on this 3-rounder from Block City TV versus Scripts, an O-Red who was vigorously punch-heavy in the 1st round, flips the switch and surprisingly succumbs to a host of subpar freestyles and pedestrian bars in the latter rounds. And for Scripts, who stayed steady with the mayhem, bully talk and raucous personals throughout the match, even while not doing much in the way of bar efficiency to earn the win, still squeaks this one out thanks for the most to Red’s sudden downfall.
Verdict: Scripts (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Scripts – “It’s UFC when you step into this octagon, I spray wigs, this .8 kid is not Octomom’s!”
Recap: Early one-round Proving Grounds matchup finds Nuborn delivering most of his better lines towards…rappers (Hitman Holla, Big T) that aren’t his opponent, allowing to Young Kannon to get a relatively easy win with a barrage of heated punchlines, funny jokes and stirring wordplay.
Verdict: Young Kannon (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Young Kannon – “I’ll whip this faggot’s flow, fast or slow, your rap’s a joke, that’s why this new born only grew up to be an average Joe!”
Recap: In this 3-rounder from KOTD, Nat Select was able to dish some nice breakdowns here and there, but with a punchline game that was mostly subpar and a charged up Charron spouting a wide array of mean personals, old age jokes and head-twisting punchlines, it’s a pretty win for the younger guy.
Verdict: Charron (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Charron – “Your skin’s so f-ckin’ light, you make Betty White look like Wesley Snipes!”
Recap: Displaying some superb lyricism going all the way back to her Grind Time days here, 40 B.A.R.R.S, keeps it gritty, punch-heavy and competitive up until a 3rd round choke does her in to an onslaught of condensed, but extra funny personals from Moroney in this 3-rounder that also saw an early sighting of Chilla Jones.
Verdict: Moroney (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Moroney – “And no doubt, she got a bubble butt, she farts in the tub!”
Recap: Klutch uses a boatload of aggressive, witty and lucid personals along with some fierce schemes to beat back a solid, but topsy-turvy effort from Real Deal in this 3-rounder from Grind Time.
Verdict: Klutch (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Klutch – “Your music is boring in the dark, your music should be titled Amish Sex!”
Recap: If you want to be successful in battle rap charisma and personality not only count, but can make a difference between staying on small stages versus performing in the limelight that comes with the big stage. So course, if all you’re about is bars (and in this case metaphors), then M. Ciddy (“A bootleg how he stay leaking, with four 5’s all around your face you ain’t Abe Lincoln”) won this battle by a landslide, no debating. But thankfully, we live in an age where battle rap isn’t just about bars, but also delivery, execution, set-ups, rebuttals, creativity, jokes, angles, wordplay, punchlines and yes, performance. Which is why Bill Collector wins here, despite mostly average bars, but a stellar performance, delivery (“…but that mac I let it riiiiniiiigggg then hang up and call you back!”), aggression and execution to edge rounds 2 and 3 in this early PG battle.
Verdict: Bill Collector (W) 2-1
Favorite line: M. Ciddy – “I ain’t spelling under when I put you [U] in [N] the [D] ER”
Recap: Dishing mostly personals with an equal amount of potent (“You’d probably want to jail for the fuck of it!”) wit and forthright, Jai scores a 3-0 over a severely lacking in intricacy and a bit unprepared Amazin D Boy.
Verdict: Jai (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Jai – “Nigga’s always want to talk about they lead and —, till I run up in his crib while he sleep, pistol whip him with the heat, then make him eat the biscuit like it’s bed in breakfast!”
Recap: Pre-URL Chilla Jones, while not quite as clever with the schemes as he’d later come to be, still dishes a wide array of stinging punches throughout all 3 rounds to beat the overall hard, but non-too-savvy, bars of Interstate Flamez.
Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Chilla Jones – “I got a shorty that’s so pretty,,she BAD Boy!, no Diddy, I got her Hypotized, so when I cut her off, she ask for One More Chance…I tell her ‘No Biggie’
Recap: Early and classic Proving Grounds battle from URL/Smack goes to B-Magic, whose fierce punchline game, understated wit and flexing (“My next body like my room, I gotta make it clean [Qleen]!”) wordplay beats back a solid performing, (“Hustle down to the D, ’cause I can arrange that, there everybody know QP, I’m still that same cat, not that SONS nigga, I ain’t a fucking child, he from southern Cal where it never rain at!”) slick-talking and amusing Qleen Paper in the 1st and 3rd rounds to earn the win.
Verdict: B-Magic (W) 2-1
Favorite line: B-Magic – “Magic let the 80 pill, I got an Army that’ll get your whole Navy sealed, you ever seen baby blues?, get your baby killed, pull a can, make Dirty Dance, Patrick Swayze skills!”
Recap: Gritty, hard-hitting punches and boastful shiners dominate this 3-round battle between Ill Will and Logic, a bout that the steadier Will ends up winning as the Pontiac, MI spitter’s righteous personals and adaptable flow patterns helped him to take the opening rounds, before the aggressive and hardbody punchlines of Logic do enough damage to take the 3rd over a solid, oft-free-styling turn by Will.
Verdict: Ill Will (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ill Will – “Me fucking ya bitch, is no rumor nigger, every time I bless her with my presence [presents] she light up and she get heated…I consume her nigger!”
Recap: Like they say, there’s different levels to this shit. And with a moniker like Poopie Doo, one couldn’t have expected much more than what they got: loud and aggressive B-level mayhem, an entire round dedicated to a so-so NBA scheme, average personals and resident ‘JC’ name flips that somehow included Mr. Doo rapping to Nas’ “Ether” diss song halfway during his turn. But at least JC managed to stay professional throughout all this weirdness (which included a very serious throughout Doo taking his shirt off and stalking the stage while JC rapped his 3rd round), administering a nice dish of potent wordplay/gun bars, spicy punchlines and witty name flips/personals to easily walk out with a 30.
Verdict: JC (W) 3-0
Favorite line: JC – “Worried about y’all nigger’s?, please, I ain’t stressed, I’m the King muthafuckah…Delonte West!”
Recap: Sure, he punched with his usual virtuosity, but it’s a fabulous rebuttal game that highlights yet another win for Charron in a freestyle battle. This time against a totally outclassed poRICH in the finals of KOTD’s Proud2BEhBattleMC 9 tournament.
Verdict: Charron (W) 4-0
Favorite line: Charron – “I’m not Home Alone, your sister was inside my room!”
Recap: Establishing himself as one of the best freestyler’s in the game, Charron not only takes down opponent Q’s rampant attempts to predict his rhymes with some spicy rebuttals, but bodies him (again, as this was the 2nd time these two battled) with some hardcore punchlines/personals as well to take this 2-round, semi-final tournament battle from KOTD.
Verdict: Charron (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Charron – “I am a nerd ‘cuz your bitch gives me brain!”
Recap: Against the mostly lackluster (but at times witty) bars of Bless, it should’ve been as easy wrap for a more intricate Jai. But when Jai wasn’t dishing consistently nice bars round by round, there was one slip-up during a close 1st round, followed by a debatable choke in the 2nd and a definitive choke in the 3rd, that all in all equals up to seeing a man literally beat himself.
Verdict: Bless (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Bless – “You was doing research on me, huh?, went through my Facebook, started browsing through my flicks, the nigga got sidetracked when he saw comments from his bitch!”
Recap: Clearly inspired by Shotgun Suge’s brainless mention of late Detroit rapper Proof during Suge’s prior battle with Calicoe, an aggressive Midwest West turns up the heat with some brawny punchlines, well-timed wit and heated set-ups to easily take the first two rounds over Suge’s mostly pedestrian raps, win the battle and gain some get-back for his home city.
Verdict: Midwest Miles (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Midwest Miles – “People that followed him on Twitter, they’ve been fooled, ‘cuz they figured, this was the same nigga, from that movie ‘The Blind Side’!”
Recap: Not impressed by opponent Genocide’s frequent usage of bully bars, Charron uses some sizzling name flips and piercing punchlines to get the win in this semi-final matchup from KOTD’s 2-round Proud2BEhBattleMC’9 tournament.
Verdict: Charron (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Charron – “Fuck Adolf Hitler and fuck any Genocide!”
Synopsis: Here we see two of the worst decisions (the other being rapping on beat against K-Shine) in DNA’s career: trusting someone within his camp with what he was gonna do during his second round against and thinking it was a good idea to play off the audience during a rap battle with the whole “say something and I’ll freestyle a response back to it” steeze against a Yung Ill clearly in his prime. Freestyle a is a good skill to have when necessary, but it shouldn’t be used for whole round, not in today’s battle rap era. Personals, punchlines, bars, performance…..Yung Ill all day.
Verdict: Yung Ill (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Yung Ill – “I’ve seen every battle when DNA get murked, coincidental. your team still get excited for you, meaning your dickriders are grade A DHD, they get hyper for you”
Recap: Rich Dolarz came nice here, esp. in the 3rd round, delivering his usual aggressive bars, hard (“So you better stop all that brave shit, ‘cuz I’ll show you how sharp a nigga’s blades get, your niggas blood, my homies represent the same shit and they’ll still put a .9 to five, no day shift”) punches, some keen (“Like Jamie Foxx, I don’t stay in a hotel unless its Fancy in it”) wordplay/schemes and even a joke or two. But against a Tech-9 who’d just about reached his peak (that’d come later in the Midwest Miles match) here, Rich really didn’t stand much of a chance. From the stellar jokes to wicked setups, personals galore on Rich’s Popoff squad, punchlines, epic performance (“I do drive-bys, no face, all you see is the arm”) bars and crowd pleasers, hell even a turkey breast sandwich to keep you paying attention, it was all there, 3 rounds of enjoyment that more than proved that it’s not always bars over jokes.
Verdict: Tech-9 (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Tech-9 – “I’m old school like peanut butter on a mouse trap”
Synopsis: I loved Tay Roc’s aggression, performance and consistency in delivering hot lines in the first couple of rounds. Roc not only hit O-Red with great bars, but nice schemes and personals….to the point that it made you feel that he wanted this win more than Red did. O’Red had a hot first two rounds too, but wasn’t quite as consistent as Tay was in round one so I gave Roc that one. The second round was Red at his best, in-ya-face aggression, cracking jokes and delivering straight heat (“marksburg open ya chest, I got that asthma pump”) and tho I’m not sure if those personals he hit with Tay with here were true or not they still worked, so Red edged round two. As for the 3rd round, while both calmed down a lot, Roc stayed consistent enough with better bars to get the win.
Verdict: Tay Roc (W) 2-1
Best line: Tay Roc – “What you think of that?, nigga think Tay trippin’, niggas try me before so if they catch Tay slippin’, I’m a catch him outside, go to the whippin’, start bangin’ over top of the cars, Blake Griffin!”
Recap: From Grind Time Now, a boatload of hard-hitting/witty personals, fire impressions, piercing punchlines and some witty barbs gives Real Deal the first two rounds for the win over a not-as-consistently spicy Lotta Zay before the Jersey puncher edged the 3rd to avoid getting shut out.
Verdict: Real Deal (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Real Deal – “‘Oh, he has gram’…so I do, two grandmothers!”
Synopsis: Honestly I thought this one was pretty close, or a lot closer than people give it credit for. K-Shine put on a pretty good performance, challenging Calicoe’s “real talk” throughout, but going overkill on dissing his gov’t name. However, Calicoe’s consistent aggression, genial bars and Dot Mob personals hit so close to home that overall you had to give him the edge.
Verdict: Calicoe (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Calicoe – “Niggas wanna’ try me, I let the glock fly 3 and let these bullets park in son (Parkinson) and leave him shaking with Ali”
Synopsis: Maybe Tsu Surf hasn’t ever bodied anybody, but one thing’s for sure when you see him battle in person you know you’re gonna get your money’s worth from Surf….and his opponent. That said, this battle was entertaining from beginning to end with the first two rounds I had split: Surf getting the first (that “Midwest movement” scheme was dope) while X-Factor edged the 2nd with slightly better bars, performance and jokes. Round 3 however, while X continued to put on good show in front of a away crowd, Surf upped it up an ante with some nice storytelling bars (with stellar performance and aggression to match) to take the win.
Verdict: Tsu Surf (W) 2-1
Best line: Tsu Surf – “And if we looking for the first nigga to hit the door when those slugs fly, the X it”
Synopsis: A biased crowd and Suge proving to be a dope hypeman could easily cause one to give this matchup to Surf. But upon closer inspection, this battle was pretty close throughout with Surf (“What do you think of X?, ‘Oh’ hugs and kisses!”) and X-Factor clearly splitting the first two rounds. Round 3 being the deciding factor, give Surf the edge for staying consistent while slightly better overall bars. X-Factor was funny throughout tho and definitely represented for the Midwest.
Verdict: Tsu Surf (W) 2-1
Best line: X-Factor – “Stop all this fictional shit about your glock-9, how you whipping the rock and seen more pots than a nigga dyslexic staring at stop sign”
Recap: No disrespect to Ness Lee (the “produced by Jazzie Phizzle” line was funny), but Marvwon has too much experience in the game to be fumbling around as much as he did (I had the battle split after two) in round 3, spouting so much filler and losing here.
Verdict: Ness Lee (W) 2-1
Favorite line: MarvWon – “You probably still call your pistol a jammie”
Recap: Against the very basic raps of Holland battle rapper Adi, Dizaster has an easy time of it, using plenty of raunchy/stifling personals, boastful shiners, witty barbs and raucous mayhem/punchliens over the course of 3 rounds to get the win.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Dizaster – “You’re such a dick-rider you leave comments on my battles before they come out!”
Recap: Dutchess has enough potent bars, wordplay and a dope delivery to be a problem for any female battle rapper. And the Bronx battler showed it here, going toe-to-toe with the forever disrespectful (as shown here, even the kids can get it too) QB on Queen of the Ring for two rounds of straight heat. I got an aggressive and straight venomous QB clearly taking the 1st round (a classic) and the more heavy punching Dutchess clearly taking the 2nd (“Talking about I suck dick and kiss my daughter and brother in the mouth, bitch you a yung’in, you suck dick and kiss your mother in the mouth!”). But after the ladies spent so much energy in the first couple of rounds, they both would barely limp through the deciding round 3. And without either one doing anything spectacular, we can safely call this one even.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: QB – “You got a 5 dollar foot long face!”
Synopsis: Ok, while overall this was a dope and competitive battle, a couple of things really frustrated me about it. First, there was Hollow’s man, clearly high as fuck with his constant interruptions that could’ve easily wrecked his man’s flow. Then, of course, there’s Goodz choice in round 3 to get upset at a heckler in the crowd and forfeit a match he had a chance at winning, since I had the batted tied (Goodz edging the 1st while Hollow, in what was a sublime turn, clearly took the 2nd) going into the final round. Also, significant in this battle IMO was Hollow calling out Hitman Holla at the end of his 3rd round, which showed how much respect Hitman was getting after beating Arsonal. As for the battle itself, ultimately it’s Hollow’s stronger punch game (he even had a fire rebuttal in the middle of his written’s during the 3rd), consistently and versatility that gets him the win here as after a bullish (“You lost to Arsonal….clearly, no debating!!!”) 1st, Goodz’s bar potency really went downhill in both of the latter rounds.
Verdict: Hollow da Don (W) 2-1
Best line: Hollow Da Don – “His man Charlie Clips did one battle and he thinks he’s Top 3 now, how we supposed to believe Charlie got clips when we only seen three rounds?!”
Recap: Swave Sevah puts down the hammer on a somewhat (at least in round 1 anyway) distracted Big Kannon with plenty of fat (“The only gram he ever touched was a cracker, and the last raid he was in involved a fridge”) jokes, name flips and flat-out haymakers to score an easy 3-0 in this Grind Time matchup.
Verdict: Swave Sevah (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Sevah Sevah – “This fuck face walked into a buffet with the tough face like…[growls}’Gimme a plate!”
Recap: An aggressive Young Greg makes it (“This faggot nigga probably go crazy for a cock meat sandwich”) competitive here against Bill Collector until the 3rd round, where Greg’s freestyle game fails to impress, allowing BC to take advantage and win the decisive round with rich performance (“Don’t he look like the boy that always owe you something?”) bars and a Cabbage Patch remix that had the crowd in hysterics.
Verdict: Bill Collector (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bill Collector – “My flow is elephant food, Billbert Einstein, I’m one intelligent dude!”
Recap: Fat-Boy proves to be good with the (“Y’all think that fag shit is fashion, not knowing ya ass look dumb, you came way from California, copped a battle for the outfit, hair done, nails done, everything did…you fashion ha?”) jokes (it edged him round 1)…and not much else, as too many nursery rhymes and just flat-out lame bars fail to stand any chance against Tall T’s consistently understated (“Although this pussy nigga hard to find, I’mma still leave his brains on the wall tho [Waldo]!”) punches and quixotic (“He a sidewalk ‘cuz this nigga not street, on me, why ain’t gotta surf the web nigga, look at his at neck if he trying to see some hot links!”) wordplay.
Verdict: Tall T (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Tall T – “Breakfast time he be insecure, knowing he want the whole box, eating half a bowl”
Synopsis: So at the beginning Poison Pen clearly yells (twice) that this is an unlimited battle, X-Factor goes unlimited and somehow Amzilla still gets cut off?! Anyway, considering that X went ham with the jokes and delivery and Amzilla admittedly stumbled (which he to make up for a lil’ bit with a freestyle), I highly doubt that Amzilla had enough left in his tank to catch up to the overall zealotry X-Factor displayed in his round. So give X the win, but with an asterisk.
Verdict: X-Factor (W) 1-0*
Favorite line: X-Factor – “When you see his mom and dad, smack ’em…cuz’ they’re cousins”
Overtime
Synopsis: Besides Hitman Holla is there a better performer than Bill Collector? In this highly intense (I swear Amazin D Boy was spazzing so hard you wouldn’t be blamed for worrying that he might pop a blood vessel mid-round) and entertaining battle, these two go toe-to-toe with BC styling on ADB’s aesthetics: “They got me battling one of the niggas from Pretty Ricky”; Amazin goes after BC’s Pennsylvania roots and personal dealings: “Take your girl around the world, show her tricks like a Globetrotter”. It’s all bananas and crowd pleasers throughout, but BC edged it with more consistently nicer bars and a stronger overall performance.
Verdict: Bill Collector (W) OT
Favorite line: Bill Collector – “Sick of these noodles, get to your Google, ask Michael Vick what’s a pit to a poodle?”
Recap: Gotta go with the judges on this one as after the two split the first two rounds, a slightly more consistently spicy Dizaster edges the deciding (and less raucous) 3rd round over Real Deal in what was a pretty blazing, personal-centric, freestyle-spazzing opus when the Diz and Real Deal rapped without a beat during the first couple of rounds.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Dizaster – “Muthafucka…you look like a Budweiser truck driver!”
Recap: Even with Shotty Horroh having the advantage of using written rhymes as opposed to Dizaster who freestyled the whole way (not sure how or why that happened), Diz uses his adept off-the-dome skills and wily personals/punches to keep things entertaining and close throughout this 3-round battle. But Shotty’s ability to score with fervent breakdowns/imitations, a wide range of Muslim jokes and righteous personals/punchlines/mayhem that for the most part hit, ended up being too much for Diz in the end.
Verdict: Shotty Horroh (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Shotty Horroh – “You don’t practice what you preach…you practice preaching!”
