No Bias. No Narratives.
Recap: Two rounds ‘acapella’ and one round over a beat for this Grind Time tournament battle which a more punchline-heavy and overall witty Dirtbag Dan wins upon taking both the 2nd and 3rd rounds after Real Deal took the opener.
Verdict: Dirtbag Dan (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Dirtbag Dan – “Your baby’s mom is a linebacker, for a big girl that bitch is a fine tackler!”
Recap: Granted, one too many eyebrow jokes from Jonny Storm in this Grind Time battle versus Dizaster. But with Diz choking away his 3rd round to go along with a sharper lyrically, equally potent with the personals and more versatile showing that included a classic and flawless, rapping-over-a-beat performance from Jonny in the final round, after two debatable rounds (which certainly defies the comments section, but whatever), Storm gets this one in the end.
Verdict: Jonny Storm (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Jonny Storm – “You just mad you got the same eyebrows as the dad from American Pie!”
Recap: Even with the two battlers splitting the first couple of rounds, this Grind Time 3-rounder between a brazen and punch-lit Real Deal and a street shit talking and gritty Mo Dirdee in Detroit wasn’t that competiive as clear decision’s in each round amounted to a much more hard-hitting RD taking the 1st and 3rd’s for the win.
Verdict: Real Deal (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Real Deal – “How you Dirdee [dirty] and you washed up?!”
Synopsis: Good battle. Had it even after two, but while K-Prophet put forth a sizzling last round, in the end Jaz’s 3rd had more variety including a nice little rebuttal, witty bars (“get rid of K so y’all could really say I’m ill”) and even doper personals to edge it.
Verdict: Jaz the Rapper (W) 2-1
Best line: K Prophet – “You a lame with a Gina head”
Recap: B-Magic uses rapid (“blind porn star, you don’t know who you fucking with”) punchlines, witty wordplay, jokes (“I will beat the F word outta this piece of S word”) and a couple of haymakers to take out Scripts, who while definitely representing (that “beat him the fuck up that’s what I do to a rookie, fist fuck your pregnant girl and give your kid a noogie” line was extra mean and the Middle East scheme was short and sweet), just didn’t have enough artillery to win a round here.
Verdict: B-Magic (W) 3-0
Favorite line: B-Magic – “Beat your face till I need Scripts for the wrist pain”
Recap: Charron retires as a 5-time ‘Rap City’ freestyle champion, out-punching a solid, but not-as-potent Diaz for 1 round to earn the prize.
Verdict: Charron (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Charron – “I’ll turn your Spanish mother to my Latin lover!”
Recap: In a battle of the Joneses’ with (allegedly) no written’s allowed, it’s Chilla’s more cohesive flow and benign bars/schemes that easily take out a mostly disinterested Gatman.
Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Chilla Jones – “The day you put a pause to my motion, that’ll be the day we drive cars in the ocean!”
Recap: A more versatile Jai, with some nice flips, witty bars, righteous gun lines and potent punches, takes the 1st couple of rounds and the win here against K-Holla, who unfortunately waited till the last round to bring his A-game.
Verdict: Jai (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Jai – “Riding with that rubber grip, you would think I came with a tire, shoot the Tek and bullets to connect like cocaine suppliers!”
Recap: Another ‘Rap City’ 1-round freestyle battle for Charron and this one was a tight one as opponent White Fang impressed with a pretty dope flow while integrating the show’s freestyle words with relative ease. But while Charron wasn’t as steady as his opponent was delivery wise, the champ made up for that with harder-hitting substance to his punches and a couple of nice personals to edge the bout in the end.
Verdict: Charron (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Charron – “Hey yo, watch man, Youtube views, why am I battling Shaggy from ‘Scooby-Doo’?!”
Recap: Similar styles, similar wit and similar intensity in this Grind Time battle between Caustic and Dizaste, which sees them both go equally at it with the meanest personals, hip freestyles, race (Caustic: “I am whiter than the flag’s you use to surrender!”) jokes and fierce braggadocio bars. A two-round battle that should’ve easily been a 3, when considering the level of talent, with a share of haymakers and off-the-dome one-liners mixed in by each battler, each round was pretty even.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Dizaster -“You’re a redneck, that gets nervous whenever he’s not near…a cold can of tall bear!”
Synopsis: How hurt was Arsonal by not being allowed to deliver his usual 10-minute rounds? Judging from his taking off his sweater in round 3, he was ready to fight. Of course, when somebody gets out of character during a battle rap that could also be a sign of them knowing that they’re losing. Granted, da Rebel put up a decent fight and came out the gate swinging (the “10 Ways to kill a Canadian” scheme was nice, but could’ve been so much better), but as seen here too much filler: “I keep 2 dessert eagles cocked on the dashboard of your dream car”, doesn’t bode well against the likes of Pat Stay whose steady and pointed (as in breaking down Arsonal’s gangsta image) jokes, personals and flat-out bars left da Rebel whining.
Verdict: Pat Stay (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Pat Stay – “His mom’s is a Crip too, it all started when me and the click slid through, she was on her red rag so the bitch just blew [blew]”)
Recap: In one of the early “One-Off”‘s from Smack/URL, a steadily aggressive and oft-jocular Yung Ill snapping on Rich Dolarz’s “stanky, Yankee cap” is the most memorable moment of this battle. But besides getting edged in the 2nd round, this battle was all Dolarz, who when he wasn’t going random with shots at Aye Verb and Tech-9, proved to be way more consistently nice with his punchlines, personals, steely wordplay/schemes and pointed gun bars in the 1st and 3rd rounds. It also needs to be said that for all their competitive bravado throughout this match, the underlying humor within this battle doesn’t get enough credit.
Verdict: Rich Dolarz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Rich Dolarz – “You soft, but you be acting hard tho, a St. Louis nigga that reminds me of Nelly…Furtado!”
Recap: Rap City freestyle battle sees Gibs hang in there and bring some steady, if not a bit cautious, off-the-dome heat. But for the champion Charron (aka ‘That Kid Charron’) what with the ability to incorporate the given freestyle words more effectively in his raps, while punching at a more scorching rate, it’s another win.
Verdict: Charron (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Charron – “Unbelievable is the rhymes that I said, unbelievable is how your girlfriend describes me in bed!”
Recap: In yet another display of his fierce off-the-dome acumen, Charron makes the judges decision a no-brainer after easily out-punching an overwhelmed I Deezy in this 1-round freestyle battle from Rap City.
Verdict: Charron (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Charron – “I’m a son you like Peter did to Corey Gunz!”
Synopsis: Roc takes the last two rounds to edge this one from the always energetic Young Kannon.
Verdict: Tay Roc (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Tay Roc – “And don’t speak bad ’bout my city, you ain’t never been through The Wire, you Kanye before the crash”
Recap: If going into a battle you know that you’re pretty much going to work to death one angle, then make sure they’re at least 90% good as Tenchoo does here, spazzing on Big Kannon with repeated fat (“I heard this cunt did a jumping jack once and his lung collapsed”) jokes that pretty much killed throughout this battle. In a match that also saw some dope (BK: “See, that Nutty Professor shit proves that he ain’t slick as he pretend, ‘cuz Sherman Klump is a pimp, remember he got Jada Pinkett at the end”) rebuttals from both dudes, it’s Tenchoo’s jocular resiliency (along with his delivery) that got him the first couple of rounds and the win.
Verdict: Tenchoo (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Tenchoo – “Every time this idiot cries, chicken grease drips from his eyes”
Recap: Charron takes his talents to BET’s “Rap City” program and shows off his exquisite freestyle game against challenger Junia-T, offering up a more deft and more condensed use of the required 3 words in his raps to earn the win and move onto the next round of the show’s ‘Freestyle Battle Week’.
Verdict: Charron (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Charron – “Everyone knows I’m clever and fresh ‘cuz I drop it hot like a Mexican chef!”
Synopsis: Cocky must’ve realized right away that his easy, laidback style and reserved wordplay wouldn’t work in front of a New York crowd that prefers aggressive bars and loud gun talk, because I don’t think he’s been back on URL since this appearance. Still, a win nonetheless for the Fresh coast as Nuburn’s bars couldn’t keep up with the Food Chain (RIP Tall T) leader’s rapid punchlines.
Verdict: Cocky (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Cocky – “I’ll put 2 in this man, and make RIP shirts for all 2 of his fans”
Recap: I have no idea how serious a battle this was. QP mentioned it being his 3rd battle that day, it’s only a one-rounder and it turned into a virtual PSA against DNA near the end. Still, combined with a couple of stumbles by QP, Dziaster spazzes on his opponent with enough psychedelic (“Psychological warfare, yunno I was obviously gonna go there, it’s something me and the Illuminati both share”) wordplay, crazy personals and a hilarious/dead-on Soul Khan impression to take first prize.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 1-0
Favorite line: QP – “Krack City don’t get a mention now, why’s this?, and how come the only black in your circle is your eyelids?!”
Recap: A battle that’s always in those “Most Awkward Moments In Battle Rap” videos due to Tay Roc nearly vomiting in round 1, this Blood on the Shoes bout versus P.G. Skillet still made for a competitive and intense matchup due to Skillet and Roc’s noted Maryland roots. That said, despite being under the weather and dealing with a lot of hardbody punches/personals from Skillet, Roc gets the edge here, taking both the 2nd and 3rd rounds thanks in part to a wide load of pedestrian bars from his opponent, but also displaying better consistency when it came to spicy punchlines, some fierce name flips, boastful stunting and plenty of flexing gun bars.
Verdict: Tay Roc (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Tay Roc – “He lightweight so I ain’t have to prepare a lot, how you cooking Tay when a skillet ain’t how you prepare a Roc [rock]!”
Synopsis: Nice to see AR-16 at least TRY to combine his wicked freestyle ability with a decent pen game. Hell, maybe if he did so more often he could catch more bodies as he does here against a guy who has no problem admitting that he mixes period juice with his Henny.
Verdict: AR-16 (W) 3-0
Favorite line: AR-16 – “You look like you got that hat from Sears”
Synopsis: John John was spitting some mad heat (nice rock metal scheme early on) till he choked in that 2nd round (tho the Hollow da Don impression was pretty tight). But he more then made up for his choke in round 3 to easily take this rematch.
Verdict: John John da Don (W) 2-1
Best line: John John – “When I smack ya ass it’s not for good sportsmanship”
Recap: Two rounds only and not Charron at his freestyling best, but still enough spicy punches from the kid from Ottawa, Canada to beat a mostly subpar Mista Conspiracy in this battle from KOTD.
Verdict: Charron (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Charron – “Don’t blame your lack of rhythm on your Asperger’s Syndrome!”
Recap: In a battle of the Law’s, it’s Ty who scores the easy 3-0 with more consistent punchlines and redeeming (“Call ya dad, your pop he a snitch king, Apple Bottoms run in ya family, you got them bitch genes [jeans]!”) your family personals and against a clearly overmatched J-Law. While not a body, till take away a judge’s cred for anyone who dared called this battle ‘close’ or asked for an OT.
Verdict: Ty Law (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Ty Law – “We all know he ain’t the real law like mall cops!”
Synopsis: No disrespect to The Saurus, a pioneer and true legend of battle rap. But this was no contest as Cortez’s bag of personals, aggressive bars and standout delivery would not deny him the victory.
Verdict: Cortez (W) 3-0
Best line: TheSaurus – “Are you Asian?, they said you were openly in love with math”
Recap: Snapping on her opponent with rich combo of scathing personals, witty barbs and raucous name flips/punchlines, even with a solid effort from a bar-heavy Imah X, in this 3-rounder from Grind Time, Ms. Fit’s versatile, hardbody rhymes are stacked with too much bite for her opponent to have had a chance.
Verdict: Ms. Fit (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Ms. Fit – “You faker than my dick and Lil Kim’s entire face!”
Recap: Wow. Well, that’s something you don’t see every day as DNA literally walks off and quits this 2010 EmSee freestyle battle vs. Fowl after the Detroit crowd clearly wasn’t feeling his ‘8 Mile’ impression in the 2nd round of a two-round battle. This after a debatable round 1 where DNA overall spat the better bars, but Fowl tied it with a worthier performance and slightly better personals.
Verdict: Fowl (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Fowl – “You look like Young Jeezy son that went to the retarded class!”
Recap: It’s a lay-up for JC as his two rounds of fiery braggadocio lines, stinging punchlines/personals and all-out mayhem way out-do Young Zell’s rapidly pedestrian bars.
Verdict: JC (W) 2-0
Favorite line: JC – “I hold that Heat better than ‘Bron wearing over mitts!”
Synopsis: Of course, there’s plenty irony in Heartless using so many fat jokes on his opponent, but here against a simply loud Big Kannon, the wisecracks and punchlines clearly outweighed the routine bars. By the way this battle should also be noted for birthing the “Slow-It-Down”.
Verdict: Heartless (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Heartless – “…and his flow is killin’ me, yes nigga I’m talking to U…..P.S he has NO delivery!”
Recap: Dope, competitive 1-rounder from Grind Time between Brixx Belvedere and John John Da Don sees JJDD display some versatility by changing his flow up midway through his turn to dish some fast-rapping techniques when he wasn’t spouting fiery punchlines, cocksure boasts and piercing personals with his normal delivery. But a pretty solid effort from JJDD would be topped by the consistently clever wordplay from Brixx, the S.O.N.S. rapper spitting a gang of well-played punchlines, spicy schemes, braggadocios raps and pointed personals with a nuanced flow/performance and nary any filler to gain the win.
Verdict: Brixx Belvedere (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Brixx Belvedere – “So we on the same page, nigga you could catch a bullet scar, straight off the Ave, I ain’t street, I’m Boulevard!”
Recap: A motivated Aye Verb manages to get by the ever competitive Big Will (yeah that “Fuck non-violence we can fight, ‘cuz after I hit you with these prejudice lefts, you gonna be begging for some civil rights!” line was fire) with more versatility, better (“I got paid and you didn’t, so technically this a fundraiser that you threw”) creativity. jokes and punchlines.
Verdict: Aye Verb (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Ave Verb – “I holla at his baby boo like…man he ain’t got no baby boo!”
Synopsis: Unlike, say women’s basketball, female battle rappers have long proven that they can put on just as good a show, and/or competition, as their male counterparts. That’s more than the case here as Ms. Hustle and E-Hart go toe-to-toe during all 3 rounds in what was Smack/URL’s 1st ever female battle. I got Hustle taking round 1 as her stage presence, performance and bars were so wicked and raw (“I wouldn’t fuck her with Wendy Williams dick”) that early on E-Hart didn’t stand much of a chance. However, thanks in part to Hustle’s obsession with wanting to battle QB, Hart came back and edged round 2 by staying consistent and continuing to style on Hustle’s realness, alleged promiscuity and money in the bank. The 3rd was classic, with Hustle telling joke after hilarious joke on Hart’s livelihood, but an elongated round and a brief stumble gave Hart a chance for the dub, which she took with ample jokes (“stop it you’ll never be poppin’, you Babs Bunny”) along with lethal personals to win it on points.
Verdict: E-Hart (W) 2-1
Best line: Ms. Hustle – “I’m Ms. Hustle, they know I push that white so they get it from me, so her real reason for coming here wasn’t to battle, it was to see if her crackhead ass could get a sample or get it for free, ‘No Bitch, 25 for 3!'”
Recap: E-Hart successfully displays that she’s not your ‘average bitch’, dishing a scathing mix of brash (“It’s too easy I’m murdering every thing ’round here, no disrespect but next time I might have to come at the king ’round here”) punchlines and fiery (“Lyrically, she Muggsy Bogues trying to get at Mike”) bars to take the first couple of rounds here easy versus a struggling Trice. And while Trice was jokingly (“You look like a spokesman for Newports, you got that bogie look”) on her way to salvaging the last round, a trio of visits from Earl ended up giving Hart the 3-0.
Verdict: E-Hart (W) 3-0
Favorite line: E-Hart – “The only way you gonna win tonight, is if everybody that watch the shit hit the pipe!”
Synopsis: No contest here as Jaz the Rapper body’s Skye with a hailstorm of wicked bars, jokes, name flips and personals. Indeed, with a corpse this big, one can only hope Skye’s plan B singing career is still on the upkeep.
Verdict: Jaz the Rapper (W) 3-0
Best line: Jaz the Rapper – “QB killed you, but you back so I’m guessing it’s that time again, well I’mma give Skye another L make it feel it’s Harlem back in ’99 again”
Recap: 3 rounds plus OT freestyle battle on KOTDC sees the brash and often witty snaps from Aak keep him in the game. But a smoother-flowing and more consistent Big Kannon, also nice with the flips and more versatile with the punchlines, gives BK the win.
Verdict: Big Kannon (W) 3-1
Favorite line: Big Kannon – “He won the coin toss and that’ll be the last time he getting head!”
Recap. Rare is the battle that’s decided by who was worse, but that’s the case here as both Prophit and Millennium L’s prove the old adage of ‘saying a lot, but not talking nothing’ can certainly be true. Whether it’s Millennium L’s lame (“44’s in hand, I’m a serial killer nigga I’m coming for the gold and grams”) rhymes and weak jokes or Prophit’s lukewarm (“And I ain’t come here to start with you, but you need to save that grilling shit for a barbeque”; “See I spit swell, so sick I never get well”) bars, it’s a wonder neither of these guys ever battled again on Smack. And while Prophit’s usage of ‘N’ word is what this battle will be remembered for, save for round 1 Millenium L’s wordplay and bar quotient was so underwhelming that Prophit’s ability to spout a couple of nice bars and make it through his latter rounds without choking got him the win.
Verdict: Prophit (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Millenium L’s – “In my hood they drive by [pow!] ‘move hater!’, in hi shood it’s like [phhheeeww] ‘Honey it’s the newspaper'”
Recap: K-Shine puts together three consistent rounds of rapid heat, addressing Shotgun Suge’s issues with weight, flinging gun (“Call that .40 Lil Kim, it’s a wig rocker!”) bars with random ease and zipping up his opponent’s attacks with stinging (“…try to make a little movie like his career was pumping, but still ain’t get nowhere, he Gravy, playing BIG for nuthin'”) schemes, jokes and heavy wordplay. Credit Suge for staying close (“I’m from the South, I’m ’bout that, I’mma put on a show, keep playing the barrels is long nigga, Beef?, I come to this battle shooting everybody, even the wrong niggas”) the first couple of rounds, talking that real shit with an aggressive flow and Jersey anecdotes, but a somewhat surprising choke midway through his 3rd round cost him any chance of taking this one.
Verdict: K-Shine (W) 2-1
Favorite line: K-Shine – “He think he Big Meech! Larry Hoover! He holding heat! But he’s not the shooter”
Recap: Entertaining battle to say the least with SK delivering steady (“Probably got shirts and shit with other niggas bitches and names on ’em and they ain’t dead or famous, just got other niggas bitches and names on ’em”) jokes, while B Magic brought rapid punchlines and winning name flips. SK did well, but overall Magic’s more consistent flow and execution gets him the win.
Verdict: B Magic (W) 2-1
Favorite line: B Magic – “Took your bitch overseas, but wait it gets scarier, we fucked her on the plane, she was cummin’ [Coming] to America”
Recap: As loud, boisterous, personals and able to pull off some off-the-dome heat as his opponent, UK rapper Sensa makes Dizaster’s Don’t Flop debut a competitive one. But Diz’s penchant for adding humor to his overexcited mix along with a flair for more buoyant anecdotes/personals, spicy rebuttals and head-ringing punchlines/mayhem, gives him both of the opening rounds before a debatable 3rd.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Dizaster – “I’ll fucking take your bitch and bust semen on her reading glasses!”
Recap: Despite consistently aggressive rhyme styles from both, DNA versus New Haven, CT rapper Gage, outside of DNA’s 2nd round, fails to impress. For Gage, a frenetic delivery of okey-doke (“This nigga take dick in his ass, he like Raz B!”) personals and righteous gun diction, is too often followed up by simplistic lines that failed to land. Yet, bar-wise, DNA didn’t (“Stick my dick in his girl’s pussy, she’ll be screaming ‘owww!’ like Max B.”) differentiate himself much from his opponent, but was versatile enough and scored (“Ask Gage if he got beef and he like ‘nah, my taco’s finished!'”) more with his punches to edge the round. Round two saw DNA step it up with a steady mix of sizzling personals and earnest street chatter, while Gage stayed congruent with some nice schemes that unfortunately, were overshadowed by more plain (“I got 9 lives, I’m a cat, you a kitten, when there’s beef in the club he don’t bang. he just keep sitting”) speak. Gage easily managed to save face in round three, delivering feelgood (“Y’all Grind Time niggas is fags, you get your dayton on, you claim you getting bread, but you can’t even keep your cable on!”) personals, nice schemes and hitting punchlines with ease, while DNA, probably feeling confident that he already won the battle, pretty much gave up the round with a weak opening rebuttal and more ordinary bars that you wouldn’t associate with the likes of the up-n-coming Queens battler.
Verdict: DNA (W) 2-1
Favorite line: DNA – “His chick like margarine, we like everything but her [butter]”
Recap: Mostly free-styling throughout this battle with a couple of nice rebuttals mixed in, a gritty Ill Will still manages to keep it close in this 3-rounder from Mic Murdaraz TV. But opponent Squeeze, spouting a fly punchline game while also dishing some fierce name flips and personals here and ther, takes the first two rounds before a debatable 3rd, for the win.
Verdict: Squeeze (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Squeeze – “I’m the type to boo you at ya show when you get your concert on, oh you a jackboy why?, ‘cuz that palm work strong?!”
Synopsis: This was unfair, a mismatch from jump with Soul Khan fierce punchlines, potent personals and witty flair totally overwhelming an out-of-his-league J. Fox. Not that it didn’t help any that J. Fox wasn’t just trying to rap on another coast, but against a crowd favorite (who knows how to play to the hometown fans) with pedestrian bars, schemes and personals that would’ve fallen flat no matter where this battle took place.
Verdict: Soul Khan (W) 3-0
Best line: Soul Khan – “After this his chick’s gonna go back to soul’s sack, because you the only dude to make a chick go black then go back”
Recap: The one battle O-Red probably wishes he could wipe off his resume as he not only gets out-barred by opponent Swave Sevah throughout the match, but he rather embarassingly chokes in both the 1st and 3rd rounds. Swave, continually bullish and on top of his game from round 1, also does an excellent job here of playing to the crowd, all the while using a gang of stifling personals, fire breakdowns and hard-hitting punchlines to dig up what was ultimately a body.
Verdict: Swave Sevah (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Swave Sevah – “The bitch type, see, in beef I make nigga’s bleed and leave scars, in beef you wait till nigga’s leave and key cars!”
Instant classic: “There’s no crying in the URL” (from female fan in crowd)
Synopsis: A highly anticipated matchup (with both battlers bringing their A-game when it came to promoting this battle) on URL Hitman ended up taking pretty easy, this battle remains noteworthy to this day. First, there’s a filler-prone Arsonal, partly stuck in GrindTime mode (jokes over bars, with too many of them coming off as lame here) while also struggling with his similes (to think, it would take awhile for him to get over ‘squidwords clarinet’), jokes, longwindedness and disrespectful zingers to the point that the Jersey crowd booed him in the 3rd round (ironically, his best round where is scored here as debatable after Holla clearly took rounds 1 and 2). Secondly, Hitman’s more direct, short and condensed rounds was on point here as nary a bar was wasted. Finally, overall Hitman just had better punches, crowd control/storytelling/performance (esp. the classic Arsonal/T-Rex story arc in rd. 2), jokes, personals and to top it off, a killer opening/mid-round freestyle: “His homeboy keep talking while I’m rapping, not cool!, the contact said I can’t hit this nigga, not you!” And two words after that…ball game.
Verdict: Hitman Holla (W) 2-1
Best line: Hitman Holla – “Talking about you ran blocks…nigga in your school but you wouldn’t run traffic lights!”
Recap: Another competitive goodie here from Don’t Flop as Deffinition’s loud/raucous lines, teacher/life-as-a-Caucasion jokes and solid punches made their mark. But an ever-confident Real Deal, showing off some dope wordplay (esp. when it came to mixing local UK references), wicked personals and a flexing punch game throughout the battle, does enough to earn the 3-0.
Verdict: Real Deal (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Real Deal – “You let another man just hit you in the face?!, God you are such a bitch, if I punched your faggot ass right now…you’d probably rebuttal it!”
Synopsis: Despite getting wrecked in the 2nd round by S.O.N.S. teamster Brixx Belvedere, M. Ciddy edges the 1st (“I let 8 off on you and I ain’t Jewish, and let Brixx [bricks] disappear like Frank Lucas”) and 3rd rounds to take this one at the end by a nose.
Verdict: M. Ciddy (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Brixx Belvedere – “Don’t question my rank, you asking a boss, he get the same face my dentist get when they ask if I floss”
Recap: Can’t recap this battle without mentioning how funny it is seeing white people walking past outside wondering what the fuck is going on in there. That said, spazzing left and right with heated urban colloquialism’s, aggressive braggadocio bars, graphic schemes and fierce punchlines, a righteous and aggressive K-Shine, takes the first two rounds to win this one before Tay Roc salvages the 3rd round with more potent heat and more gut-wrenching/wittier bars.
Verdict: K-Shine (W) 2-1
Favorite line: K-Shine – “Run up on his whip, leave a stained dash, change masks ‘cuz I’m overloaded like Aaliyah in the plane crash!”
Recap: Nice, versatile and rebuttal-savvy effort from A-Class in this KOTD 3-rounder gets beat by a Charron who after taking the 1st round and getting out-punched in the 2nd, just had too many spicy punchlines and hilarious Asian jokes at his dispensary for his opponent to survive the deciding 3rd.
Verdict: Charron (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Charron – “Believe me, everyone here is aware of your size, when your girl asks for 8 inches, you fuck her 4 times!”
Recap: Resident fat jokes in round 1, but they still had enough meat to hit. And that along with some nifty punchlines/personals that when coupled up with a flow-challenged Syd Vicious having to cut his 2nd round short, gives John John Da Don the win in this entertaining 3-rounder from Grind Time.
Verdict: John John Da Don (W) 2-1
Favorite line: John John Da Don – “Try to play da Don and John will put a Hollow in you, I would say body bag, but I don’t know what size to get you!”
Recap: Grind Time Now East-coast battle between Ms. Fit and Fendi goes Fit’s way as despite Fendi showing off a flexible flwo and hitting with some spicy bars here and there, Fit’s raw ability to pounce on her opponent with piercing punchlines, witty personals and a couple of mocking freestyles proved to be too much for 3 rounds in the end.
Verdict: Ms. Fit (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Ms. Fit – “You work at iHop, yeah I know you work at iHop, waiting for a tip giver, so you don’t pop guns and blam .8’s when you asking nigga’s what they want on they pancakes!”
Recap: After getting off to a strong start in the 1st round here in this 3-rounder from Queen of the Ring against Dutchess, the always gritty, lit with the personals and usually consistent Ms. Fit surprisingly succumbs to a 2nd round choke before losing the 3rd round (and the battle) to a more mayhem-drenched and punch-heavy opponent.
Verdict: Dutchess (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Dutchess – “And y’all nigga’s is bugging if you think she did her thing, her manly ass was supposed to battle at King of the Ring!”
Recap: Through the first couple of rounds this was a pretty dope battle, what with DNA edging round 1 with mean (“It’s crazy cuz’ those 4 shots ain’t do as much damage as that one Hollow”/”We all respect the shooter not who gets shot”) bars on Big T getting shot, nice punchlines and winning (“You got the swag of my grandmother, old, dirty and wear the same shit!”) personals. While Big T used hilarious performance (“He got that ‘Reason Why I Tell’ face, Well? cuz he don’t wanna go to jail face”) bars, personals and hard-hitting (“Man, she talk about sucking my dick so much I thought I was in the Army during our last date, cuz’ every time we talked it was about face”) anecdotes to take round 2. Both came kind of light in round 3, but Big T wins with a roundhouse of jokes, rich (“Every day I have bullets hitting close to home like a touchy subject”) bars. nice set-ups and steady personals as opposed to DNA’s round of one-third filler and self-deprecating bars that sounded like they were inspired from Eminem’s final round in 8 Mile.
Verdict: Big T (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Big T – “Nigga, how you ugly and soft?”
Synopsis: This battle reminds me a little bit of Conceited’s match against Goodz, in particular Con’s inability to freestyle a bar on Goodz soaking wet armpits, which were there just begging to be styled on. But when you’re a freestyle champ like AR-16, styling on an obvious target like KP’s aesthetics not only comes too easy, but gives you an extra bullet to work with. Too bad for KP, who after a stellar first round just delivered a host of vanilla bars in rounds 2 and 3 that left you snoozing, allowing AR to catch up, go beastmode and take the W.
Verdict: AR-16 (W) 2-1
Favorite line: AR-16 – “I could say anything, because you didn’t say nothing”
Recap: A steady stream of nimble bars from his opponent like “I say I got the juice and this nigga Kool Aid, son you mad sweet” allows Dizaster to bring ‘Saddam out the cave’ and go ham with a barrage of glistening freestyles, strong personals, off-the-wall (“I bet your father looks like a Somalian Rob Reiner”) jokes and wild punchlines to add a bodybag to his resume with the headline titled “Jerzy Swift”.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Dizaster – “You’re so wack, after your last round even the crickets were in the background like ‘What the fuck?!'”
Synopsis: To me, this is the road Shotgun Suge should’ve stayed on: spitting bars for pure shock value (“Beef? I’ll have Detroit looking like fuckin’ Port-au-Prince”) that other battle rappers probably wouldn’t even think of to say. That could’ve established Suge’s signature, given him a pedigree to build off of and maybe even make him more creative lyrically. Then too, I’m a believer that when it comes to battles, topic-wise nothing besides talking about people no longer living or a rapper’s kids, should be considered off-limits. That’s this battle will always be remembered for the way-over-the-top Proof (R.I.P.) bars, but besides that it was Suge’s steady aggression and scandalous bars that gave him round one. Yet it was Calicoe who stepped it up and out-barred Suge in rounds 2 and 3 to gain a close win.
Verdict: Calicoe (W) 2-1
Best line: Calicoe – “To hell is where these lames wanna send me, [but] with these 4-5’s I ain’t giving you change for a twenty”
Synopsis: Nice suit and a debatable first round, but a couple of slip-ups won’t give you a chance against the likes of Soul Khan.
Verdict: Soul Khan (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Soul Khan – “The only thing on your bucket list is original recipe”
Recap: Well, here’s a battle that SHOULD have went to OT as Charron’s stinging rebut’s and hitting personals easily got him round 1 of this KOTD freestyle battle, while Knamelis’ more consistent and punch-heavier 2nd got him that round. The ridiculous idea that Organik would ask both emcee’s if they want to do an OT promo AFTER the judge’s decision (which went to Knamelis) instead of making this a 3-rounder in the first place shouldn’t be lost on anyone.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Charron – “And after this I’m dropping insane, if you’re the Netherlands, call me Spain!”
Synopsis: Even without a prepared 3rd, QB has enough potent bars (“You in the ring with a monster, I dare you to look under that bed”), aggressive lines and biting personals here to easily take the win.
Verdict: QB (W) 2-1
Favorite line: QB – “You got your hair flipped now you think that you fly, I know some Spanish twin bitches that’ll put the Nina to Sky”
Synopsis: Just because one can predict the themes your opponent will use against you doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll win (unless it’s been universally declared as played0 or much less counter. That said, while Fresco certainly had his moments (“Stop rapping and explain to me how Clear Eyes works”), overall, while predictable on the style matter, Soul Khan’s jokes, bars and personals (“….shhhh! You had me at Real Deal’!”) were just too much to overcome.
Verdict: Soul Khan (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Soul Khan – “He only came to battle because he heard it’d be a sausage fest”
