No Bias. No Narratives.
Recap: In this rematch from their Scribble Jam battle a few years back, Real Deal gets some get back by out-punching The Saurus over of the course of 3 rounds in this competiive and witty 3-rounder from Grind Time.
Verdict: Real Deal (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Real Deal – “After all these years Pete I’m still astounded how your face looks, find it utterly ridiculous that you’re allowed on Facebook!”
Synopsis: 2nd round proved to be the difference here as while Juicezilla (“Cuz my whole team gone clap, like we breaking up the huddle!”) stayed consistent and matched Syahboy throughout his 1st and 3rd rounds, Syahboy really stepped it up in the middle round, dropping steady haymakers, upping his performance level and delivering rapid punchlines (“You a I get punked ‘my grandma gave me that chain nigga!”) to pull away and take the win.
Verdict: Syahboy (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Syahboy – “I’ll give a nigga the 8 like his dimes is skimpy”
Synopsis: This could easily go down as “debatable”, especially what with Swave predicting how Dizaster would deliver his bars in round 1. But in front of a hostile crowd (watch Swave’s people’s clearly attempting to punk Diz while he rhymed) with some nice freestyle’s mixed in throughout and slightly better punches in round 3, I edged it for Dizaster (who deserves props alone for going after some boo-birds in the audience).
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1
Best line: Dizaster – “If you and me had the same phone, I’d jack your charger!”
Instant classic – Cormega guest-hosting and Poison Pen’s big ass sandwich
Recap: In yet another KOTD battle that inexplicably went to overtime, a far more punch-heavier, rebuttal-friendly and name flip savvy Charron easily took the opening rounds of this semi-final tournament bout against a clearly over-matched lyrically Q and then somehow had to put a foot to his opponent’s neck upon being forced to kill him again in the OT.
Verdict: Charron (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Charron – “Fuck the alphabet, I’m shitting on Q!”
Recap: Dope 1-rounder from Street Status between RemyD and B-Magic features plenty of boastful barbs, piercing punchlines, solid wordplay and witty shiners. And while both battlers delivered standout turns, a more set-up rich and haymaker-lit Magic gets the edge here.
Verdict: B-Magic (W) 1-0
Favorite line: B-Magic – “Like a Dodger better charge when you see me, your bitch said your Lil’ Jon couldn’t skeet-skeet!”
Recap: Here we find Young Kannon basically sticking to one (“Get you fucked up while I’m tuxed up, that Tommy out that white suit won’t be a Power Ranger”) script: 101 Ways To Bully and Kill O-Red. which worked towards the beginning, but for the most part got tired and repetitive towards the mid and later chapters. Meanwhile, O-Red’s consistency and versatility was stayed (“I’m five notches above God status!”) lofty with a rapid mix of entertaining (“Gotta clip that’ll Pick 6, I play the Lotto with the .8”) wordplay. bully bars, name flips and wicked punchlines to earn the win.
Verdict: O-Red (W) 2-1
Favorite line: O-Red – “Hey Verb, he swagger-jacking your style, I just called him AdVerb and that faggot’s cracking a smile”
Synopsis: Sco not only brings back the infamous Young Black Teenagers, but combines witty personals (“He don’t get ass, he beat his dick like it owes him money”) with all-too-gritty bars to get an easy win over Hash 100s.
Verdict: Sco (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Hash 100s – “I’m an NBA team when I put on this black face, start cutting niggas to free up some cap space”
Recap: Judges were pretty on point with this one as despite a dope effort from the always resilient and witty Charron, Chedda Cheese’s piercing multi-syllables, fiery personals, self-deprecating nerd narratives and stinging punchlines did just enough to edge both of the opening rounds for the win before a more consistently spicy Charron took the 3rd to avoid the shutout.
Verdict: Chedda Cheese (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Chedda Cheese – “Don’t even bother trying to conjure up some intellect, you’re an adult who pretends to be a child…like your father on the internet!”
Recap: ‘It’s Dad!’ Philly Swain combines a bunch of piercing sound effects, some solid wordplay/similes, witty personals and bruising punchlines to beat back a so-so Passwurdz (who even when he hit on the right themes, couldn’t keep up when it came to the quality of his punches) in the 1st and 3rd rounds of a Grind Time battle that was a bit prescient in its undertaking.
Verdict: Philly Swain (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Philly Swain – “They say that PH beat me, beg ya pardon?, when do they ever cheer for Jordan in Madison Square Garden?!”
Recap: Tech-9 puts on one of his better shows entertaining the crowd with consistently hilarious (“Plus you got your style from me stepson so pay respect to your dad, and stop sucking your teeth when I slap your mom on the ass”) bars and adept storytelling, while breaking down X-Factor’s steeze and street acumen. While X-Factor made it competitive at times, his choke in round 1, overall inconsistency and stumble in round 3 made this an easy win for the kid from Philly.
Verdict: Tech-9 (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Tech-9 – “All my dimes live and they all wanna fuck me, I tell them hoes close they eyes and pick a number to fuck me”
Synopsis: With all the tension in the room, it’s no wonder they cut this battle off so quick after AR’s last round. One can only hope they dapped it up in the end (I mean it’s a BATTLE people). Either way I got AR’s freestyles and jokes over Express Money’s mostly bland bars.
Verdict: AR-16 (W) 2-1
Favorite line: AR-16 – “For that cheesy bread, I kill ‘Lil Caesar & ya Papa John”
Recap: Old battle rap pals/adversaries Nocando and Dizaster matchup in a loud and highly entertaining clash that featured a whole lot of hitting personals, freestyles and wicked bars. Yet, for the most part (and most likely because they knew each other so well) it was Dizaster who seemed to be prepared for everything Nocando had to spit. After Nocando challenged his opponent’s realness (“You’re so much of a botch that if you ran away from home, you’d come home pregnant from the animal shelter”) and authenticity (“You could be a ghostwrider for Flo Rida”) in round 1, Diz rebutted hard with the “You so white bro, you sound like the ghostwriter fro Fort Minor” quip and went on to take the first round with wild anecdotes, winning (“James, whoever gave you your fashion tips, was on 800 acid hits”) personals and crowd-pleasing (“You been a skinny guy since Biggie died”) jokes. Nocando went completely left in round 2 with wild intergalactic tales, juicy personals, hard bars and some dope freestyles, but Diz edged the round with more hitting (“He keeps his pants tight like Kid Twist when it’s dance night”) personals, on-the-spot (”Yeah, go ahead predict the bar! That just shows and confirms the fact that even you know how much of a bitch you are!”) rebuttals and crazy performance bars. Nocando won the 3rd with probably the best lines (“You said I sniff coke with your homies, you have imaginary friends”, “Ooooh, that’s the face your girl makes every time I stick my dick in her, I’m like a constellation and she’s like the Big Dipper”) of the round, but overall too many slight stumbles, a lack of consistency and Diz’s more consistent passion, personal themes and aggression ended up costing him in the end in what was still a dope battle nonetheless.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Dizaster – “You are as dark as Marlon Wayays, but only because you’re also a White Chick”
Synopsis: Marvwon is probably the least appreciated of the Midwest battle rappers, but with enough years in the game he’s still a solid opponent capable of beating anyone on a good day. Unfortunately, on this day he ran into an all-too confident, consistent and passionate Cortez, who came prepared with a shitload of that ill shit, aesthetically-inclined personals (“This Rick Rock wannabee, not cuz’ you carry shooters, but because you ate Big Meech…AND Larry Hoover”) and nice enough wordplay to easily take the win after Marv edged the 1st.
Verdict: Cortez (W) 2-1
Best line: Cortez – “Eight Mile, deleted scenes, he thought he was gonna get it in, tried to sneak a written past Marshall and swore he was gonna get a win, but Marshall free-styled and killed you my nigga, so again that battle was like your weight, bitch we knew you was never getting Slim”
Recap: Fiery schemes, righteous name flips, flexing punchlines and some conversational spiritual healing, for 3 rounds it’s all there for Big Kannon, making his debut on the URL stage versus a mostly pedestrian Moe Dirdee, a successful one.
Verdict: Big Kannon (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Big Kannon – “I say he wack and get me out the ring with this ho, I take a 100 proof straight…y’all bringing me Mo?!”
Recap: Getting better and better as his round proceeds B Magic whips out a whole lot of personals, rigid punchlines and haymakers to put a hurting on and catch a body against a clearly overmatched Profit.
Verdict: B Magic (W) 1-0
Favorite line: B Magic – “Beat your ass till my palm hurt, I shit on niggas like I didn’t know the john worked”
Recap: Short, 2-round freestyle battle between Charron and Bartone splits down the middle as a stronger {“I already beat you in the middle of pre-school!”) bar-wise and more consistent Bartone edged the 1st round before the witty/uber-personal styling’s of Charron easily took the 2nd.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Charron – “You’re not the Greatest of all Time (G.O.A.T.) ‘cuz you look like a goat!”
Recap: Who knew Earl didn’t actually make his first appearance in the Goodz vs. Hitman Holla matchup, but here as after coming back and making this match competitive in round 2, Loe Pesci pulls an epic choke so long that Organix literally had to let Real Deal lead off the final round. Yet, Pesci was somehow still allowed to spit his 3rd after Real Deal (who should’ve been able to spit a rebuttal for that 5-minute freeze)?!?…that shit doesn’t even count in my book.
Verdict: Real Deal (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Real Deal – “He’d leave Canada dry for a chance to be Americanized, trade his family curry for a slice of the American pie, check the ‘P’ on his cap, you fucking treasonous rat, you ask him where he’s from, he’s like ‘North America, let’s leave it at that'”
Synopsis: In a battle filled with hilarity Swave Sevah conducts a tutorial in career development, creativity, performance (the “candy bars vs. prison bars” narrative alone was fire) and personals to add another trophy to the shelf for Team Homi.
Verdict: Swave Sevah (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Syd Vicious – “Yo I’m a real nigga so I wouldn’t stand here and tell a boldface lie, but when you Google Swave Sevah the results say ‘Why?'”
Recap: Bronx versus Bronx sees a confident E-Hart totally annihilate Ladi Treez for 3 rounds with a steady stream of bully (“I’m from New York, but I’ll A-town stomp a bitch!”) bars, assertive street (“I’m from Cortlandt, and niggas know what we about, been in them streets since you was afraid to leave the house!”) chatter and rich schemes. Ladi Treez, who mostly freestyled her first round and clearly pulled her second from a song, never stood a chance when faced with Hart’s aggressive flow combined with gritty polemics.
Verdict: E-Hart (W) 3-0
Favorite line: E-Hart – “Those was warning shots, next time I’m on ya block, and you won’t have a chance to call ya fam before they call the cops, then I’m off ya block, run and toss the glock and where you stand is where you land, that’s where they gonna pour Ciroc!”
Recap: Annoyed at the strength of his competition, Tay Roc punishes his subpar (and mixtape using too, judging from the girl in the back of him seemingly reciting his rhymes) opponent Ronnie G here for two rounds with a barrage of boastful punches, local Baltimore wordplay, rigid gun bars and stifling personals to catch a body and keep his hood on notice.
Verdict: Tay Roc (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Tay Roc – “I got extra weapons, I’ll leave ya brains on a wall, looking like some 3rd grader did some Etch a Sketch-ing!”
Recap: “I ain’t gonna rap about your background or origin”. Iron Solomon gets behind the wheel and immediately shifts to full throttle with former Da Band member E. Ness standing in the way, dropping (“See Ness makes music that’s blunt guts trash, so when he played his two hits for Puff, Puff passed”) haymakers on his career, landing with punchlines after (“Far as gangsters, you the biggest bitch of the century, this ain’t even my verse, I’m just reading the words to his Wikipedia entry”) punchlines and flexing hard with congenial wordplay and roundhouse bars to put this one away early. And yet the irony here is that while Iron got a 3-0, Ness prevented a body by actually performing pretty solid here, what with a poised flow that helped his delivery, spitting much less filler than you usually see from him and executing bars (“I call dap and doe like it’s John McEnroe, bout to serve his ass back to the White Rapper Show”) along with (“This faggot wear glasses, so fuck the scare tactics, y’all lookin’ at the next contestant on Fear Factor, so from this point on, and here after he should be B.F.Fs with the StairMaster”) personals with the confidence of a vet. That said, judging from Solomon’s over-the-top (“Cause I guess Michael Jordan always needs someone to dunk on, and if I ain’t the Jordan of the shit, there’s no one that’s closer”) cockiness on display throughout this battle, that this matchup would serve as the gist to his own demise a couple of years at the hands of Murda (hey it was Solomon who called him out at the end there) Mook, to some, would only serve him right.
Verdict: Iron Solomon (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Iron Solomon – “I know some spitting pythons who be getting they rhyme on, way better than E. Ness, my list is six guys long, the six men who recite songs better than you is Mysonne and the top five are Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, and Dylan!”
Recap: P.C. lands a few (“I’ll give one hundred like Newports, I clutch pounds, when that cig smoke, your wig’s open, I don’t bust down”) punches against M. Ciddy in this Grind Time battle. But overall his way-too-slow, jaunty style leaves for too many lulls while including a choke that takes away any chance for him to stand up against Ciddy’s relentless punch (“Magazines that’s XXL, got bodies like eye candy”) game.
Verdict: M. Ciddy (W) 3-0
Favorite line: M. Ciddy – “Against Ciddy, it’s 4 plus 4 [.44] on the ceiling, you getting 8 [ate] up”
Recap: HFK does a pretty dope Dizaster impression and kicks some witty personals and jokes along the way. But in the 3-rounder from KOTD, a more consistent and performance-heavy Dizaster proves to be too much for his opponent, hitting HFK with quality freestyles, a gang of stinging racial wisecracks/personals, rich storytelling schemes and piercing/quick-witted punchlines to take all 3 rounds and get the vic.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Dizaster – “How the hell is Islam your religion when you spend Ramadan in the kitchen?!?”
Synopsis: Comical is the only way one could describe this match in what appears to be a hot as hell basement full of white T’s, phones ringing during the battle and an apparently high-as-f–k host in QOTR’s Vague. Pitting Sco’s ok rhymes vs. AR-16’s alright freestyle’s, it’s AR who displays enough comic relief to edge the first couple of rounds and claim another win.
Verdict: AR-16 (W) 2-1
Favorite line: AR-16 – “Let bullets out the clip, they longer than Osama bin Laden’s chin hair”
Recap: If you can get past the biased reactions and the clear fact that neither one of them did that well here, Ill Will geographically-suited freestyles easily surpassed Cash Eatin’s basic bars.
Verdict: Ill Will (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ill Will – “Running shit, manure company CEO”
Recap: Mackk Myron definitely has some (“Myron, any nigga that think he could beat him, get the steel in his face like a botox needle”) bars and thus might’ve made JC perspire a little bit, but overall JC proved to be too lyrical and cold with the schemes to be touched here.
Verdict: JC (W) 2-1
Favorite line: JC – “You set yourself up, worse than that Tiger Woods voicemail”
Recap: A couple of ex-best friends, Hollohan and Pat Stay, battling on the KOTD stage makes for a gang of mean personals, witty barbs and belittling narratives on what being a true friend means. A competitive dance throughout with some fierce punchlines from each battler thrown in, after splitting the first two rounds it’s a more consistently spicy Pat Stay who edges the deciding 3rd round for the win.
Verdict: Pat Stay (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Pat Stay – “And you say you write my shit? Yeah right, I can’t even show my raps to Jeff, shit I be telling him one of my new lines and he’d be like ‘hold up let me grab a pen!'”
Recap: KOTD 2-round freestyle battle between Charron and DSkinnz sees the former use some spicy personals and a handful of stinging 4-bar set-ups to take each round easy over his very pedestrian opponent.
Verdict: Charron (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Charron – “You gotta realize I’ll smash ya world, on the mic I stay high like Organik’s girl!”
Recap: Would love to see these two go at it today as Ms. Fit has improved so much since this battle. But still, besides a close middle round, QB clearly took rounds 1 and 3 to take this.
Verdict: QB (W) 2-1
Favorite line: QB – “You talking about my teeth, but your shits look like you’ve been chewing on cable boxes”
Recap: Grind Time is primarily known for knapsack rap so it’s interesting to see the likes of QP on here. Still, with nice performance bars, steady jokes on his opponent’s age and hot bars, even outside of URL, QP shows you what he’s capable of when he goes full throttle.
Verdict: QP (W) 3-0
Favorite line: QP – “So stop talking that ‘this chopper’ and ‘my gauge’, your grandkids my age, now what would they think if they saw you Corey?”
Recap: Honestly, not much to see here but a lot of gun bars and for the most part weak punchlines with little creativity. But somebody has to win and it was clearly Scripts. That said, if you can get through this battle without yawning you’re a batter man than me.
Verdict: Scripts (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Scripts – “I’ll let it ring in his ears so long….you can leave a voice mail!”
Recap: His punchline game almost always on (“Bang hammers in Court, I’m Carlton dad”) point, when M. Ciddy mixes it up with some nice jokes, wordplay and righteous name flips, as a mostly lackluster Supreme Court finds out here, he’s almost impossible to beat.
Verdict: M. Ciddy (W) 3-0
Favorite line: M. Ciddy – “Before you was a gay fag, on field trips your teacher wrote ‘Faggot’ on your name tag”
Recap: O-Red ends this one early with a crazy dope Uno (“It’s like I’m playing Uno when them Tek’s spit wild card, Red draw two, shoot, walk in reverse and make ya set skip”) scheme, which surrounded by constant fluorescent wordplay and aggressive, hard-hitting bars makes for an easy win against an overmatched Black Haze.
Verdict: O-Red (W) 3-0
Favorite line: O-Red – “That mag clap, you and your niggas better Aflac or get wetter than Goodz armpits at the last Smack”
Recap: While Murda Mook distractors can point to this battle versus Cardi as an example of Mook’s straightforward style not amounting to anything but simple rhyme (“You, a trash can in the winter, you’re cold garbage!”) patterns and repetitive angles, Murda’s rich (“You and your people’s like brothers? [crosses arms on chest] y’all could sleep with each other!”) performance and storytelling bars are not only potent, but easily enough to beat a (“ill turn ya hood into a ghost town, it’s like I stole Christmas, pushing white off the strip like a snow plow”) game, but clearly outmatched opponent whose basic lines shouldn’t have warranted an OT despite edging the 2nd round.
Verdict: Murda Mook (W) OT
Favorite line: Murda Mook – “His bitch is a dummy, no wonder why she cheat on you, she could step in shit you’ll put her feet on you, I bet if she had a dick you’ll let her skeet on you!”
Rest of round 2 and 3
Recap: After Rich Dolarz uses a stirring mix of aggressive, braggadocio rhymes and swift (“He said he getting money, yeah he a fast spender, he was the same one complaining when the price of the gas went up!”) wisecracks to easily take round one, Goodz lyrical meanderings finally catch up to his swag in round two and three. Indeed, for Goodz there’s enough deft (“I keep chickens in they place, that’s coup control!”) wordplay to edge round two. And thanks in part to Rich going overkill on the gay bars, but mostly due to some dope (“I done killed so much tracks, I pay child support, too many deadbeats [dead beats]”) punchlines from Goodz, it’s a come from behind win for Da Animal.
Verdict: Goodz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Goodz – “I snap box fools with biscuits, I’m too vicious, there’s more hunger, y’all scrape the plate, I chew dishes!”
Recap: Besides finding out that Shotgun Suge is a huge “In Too Deep” fan, this outdoor battle between Suge and Tay Roc doesn’t amount to much more than who can talk that real shit and spit potent, more authentic bars. Staying consistent while laying into Suge’s realness, Roc wins with a better overall delivery, (“You say you’ll eat me, rejected, not even if he had cheerleaders with him like B-E aggressive”) jokes, hard-hitting (“And since a nigga back on, tell him back off or I’ll put a nickle to him like a scratch-off”) bars and punchlines. Suge had some funny (“I wish I could pick the world up and drop it on his fucking head!”) lines and gutta bars, but too many movie couplets and filler eventually did him in.
Verdict: Tay Roc (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Shotgun Suge – “I control the block, you got lookout status”
Recap: Pretty sure that a guy doing very well in college is not a productive angle one would think to take as 9DM does in the 3rd round here. Still, as perplexing as that was, with 9 spouting a plethora of basic bars throughout this battle, against a straightforward, but punch-heavy, witty and personal-lit Real Deal, there was little chance for 9 in this 3-rounder from Grind Time anyway.
Verdict: Real Deal (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Real Deal – “You’re as believable as Doogie Howser’s character…on ‘How I Met Your Mother!”
Recap: A true classic, this matchup between a young Murda Mook versus street battle rap legend Jae Millz is responsible for a lot of people becoming battle rap fans and a lot of heads becoming battle rappers themselves. Going toe-to-toe for 5 fierce rounds uptown around Harlem’s infamous 125th street, spicy quotables along with a gang of braggadocios heat, gritty gun talk and witty personals are aplenty here. Still, it’s an ever confident Mook, more versatile with the set-ups, raucous when needed, fiercely (“Go ahead, turn around if you’d like/’cuz through the grapevine, Millz, I heard that’s how you ask for the pipe/don’t get trapped in the hype, homeboy, you ain’t real/I don’t wanna hear no mess about how you spray steel/’cuz in the pen, they told you to stay still/twenty nigga’s in the shower, waiting to Jay Millz!”) storytelling here, stronger with the wordplay and clearly landing more haymakers in the 1st, 3rd and 4th rounds (a more condensed Millz [“All that bullshit you talking, I ain’t hearing it and you ain’t gotta tell me about your deal ‘cuz (looks at his wristwatch) I’m wearing it!”] does enough to make the 2nd round debatable, before getting more multifaceted with his raps to easily taking the 5th round) who shines best for Harlem on this day and takes the win at the end.
Verdict: Murda Mook (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Murda Mook – “His career? It’s on a treadmill/yeah, he getting run, but he ain’t going nowhere!”
Recap: Harlem legends Murda Mook and Loaded Lux go at it for 8 epic rounds in one of the truly most influential battles of all-time. A mostly competitive bout, a testament to lyrical endurance (Mook: “I spit till my body ache!”) and a sign of a times what with Mook cutting off Lux a couple of times the second Loaded took too long to start another verse, the battle was also highlighted by plenty of stunting, flossing, nifty personals and piercing (Loaded Lux: “And that shit you got weak, what you trying to save grams?, he couldn’t tell that shit a rock to a caveman!”) punchlines throughout. Lux’s more potent punches and wordplay easily gets him round 1, before a more condensed and consistent Mook edges a 2nd round that was equal on haymakers. Rounds 3 and 4 also went to Mook what with Lux’s rampant punches dipping a bit on efficiency while also becoming more and more filler-prone. On the other hand during the two rounds, Mook turned it up on execution, while also displaying a bit more versatility to his raps. The ever boastful Mook went extra hard with the (“I got a disease, I can’t let go of the steel .9, I’m so thirsty for a murder, trying to kill time!”) bluster in round 5, while Lux (who had some moments) still struggled to get his groove back. A more condensed and suddenly lit again with the punchlines (“I don’t know how he chill, this nigga pockets is like pre-paid phones, that nigga ain’t got a bill!”) Loaded edged round 6 even tho Mook had a strong round as well. Lux then came back with another dope turn in the 7th round, stepping up his wordplay and dishing out some robust heat. And with Mook up 4 rounds to 3 going into the 8th and final round, it’s Murda who gets the vic and avoids a tie with a turn that was littered with moxie and more stinging (“I leave a nigga jail bed stiff, and bury him with his weight bench so he really can dead lift!”) haymakers than his opponent.
Verdict: Murda Mook (W) 5-3
Favorite line: Murda Mook – “Ease up, or feel more heat than twenty perms, half your hammers don’t exist like Missy curves!”
Recap: Classic street battle (from the original Smack DVD’s) between Harlem vets T-Rex and Un Kasa sees the two battlers spit for 7 gritty rounds with plenty of fans tuned to each and every bar. Uber-condensed with each of his rounds, Un Kasa’s rapid punches, while filled with vigor, for the most part fail to score high on the bar when it comes to potency. And while the boastful, quick-punching style from Rex and Un Kasa defined its era and both rappers were alleged to have gone heavy on the use of mixtape bars, it’s still a more versatile, hard-hitting and more consistent Rex who out-punches his opponent in the opening round and wins this battle handily by taking rounds 3 through 7 too.
Verdict: T-Rex (W) 6-1
Favorite line: T-Rex – “Un, my dot game runs fast like the SWAT game, we real like Batman clothes, we will not change!”
Recap: If this was your normal 3-round battle Party Arty (RIP) would’ve had this, as for the first two rounds anyway, Arty’s gritty, braggadocio (“The haze that I smoke come in pickle bags, this still chipping in for nickle bags!”) punches easily beat back Murda Mook’s less potent bluster that included a few recycled raps. But stamina being part of Mook’s forte, going 5 rounds only works to his advantage. Thus, it’s no surprise seeing the Harlem battler get edgier, wittier and more consistent with his punchlines as the battle continued, taking the 3rd and 4th round before a deciding 5th round, while a bit complacent on both sides, is still edged by Mook’s more robust and consistent hardbody bars.
Verdict: Murda Mook (W) 3-2
Favorite line: Murda Mook – “I could see this nigga far from Smart, I bet he think a stereotype is Sony, Panasonic or Sharp!”
Recap: From Street Arena TV with a lot of rugged street rhymes and heated gun bars spouted from both sides, a more performance-lit, wordplay spicy and condensed Bill Collector takes rounds 2 and 3 for the win.
Verdict: Bill Collector (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bill Collector – “I’ll let you eat for a little bit then the trouble up, pump gonna dump like the double guts and it got back like a double butt!”
Recap: After getting out-punched by a gritter and witty Surgeon General in round 1, assisted by a hilarious football coach impression of his opponent, some piercing personals, a couple of nice rebuttals and a subpar S.G., Charron mounts a blistering enough comeback to take the latter two rounds for the win.
Verdict: Charron (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Charron – “You claiming you a thug and you clapping all the 9’s, the only time you clap is when you reacting to your own lines!”
Recap: Industry rapper Sy Ari Da Kid and (“Put the pound on you like the trending topic!”) John John Da Don go at it for about 5 minutes in a freestyle battle that was pretty subpar all the way through. And with neither battler offering much in the way of haymakers, slip-ups from both sides and plenty of paltry lyrics to boot, best to call this one a tie and quickly move on.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Sy Ari Da Kid – “Look we got it all, want your pizza store?, I’m your Papa John!”
Recap: Lyrically raw, confident swag with consistent aggression and highly potent (“Yeah you a baller cause you walking when u travel”) bars/wordplay, it’s all the tools Loaded Lux needs to execute an easy bodybag on Young Miles, who disappointingly chokes twice after delivering an efficient round one.
Verdict: Loaded Lux (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Loaded Lux – “I got a style like I back swing hoes, I’m witty, I’m slicker than that hair on Nat King Cole”
Part 2 Part 3
Recap: Using loaded 4-bar set-ups, prolific braggadocio bars and witty personals, Bigg K makes this one a wrap pretty early as the aggressively loud grunts of Lil Nay continuously lack depth, much less any signs of intricacy.
Verdict: Bigg K (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Bigg K – “If God don’t like ugly, I bet he put out a hit on you!”
Synopsis: Not sure why Soul Khan would dispute the judges decision and say he lost here. I mean this battle was close, but SK’s Gary Coleman rebuttal alone (arguably one of the best rebuttals ever) and poRich’s lame 3rd round totally offset SK’s slip-up in round 2. Good thing SK clearly took the OT anyway.
Verdict: Soul Khan (W) OT
Best line: Soul Khan – “Muthafucka I could beat you if I did or didn’t choke, where was I on the night Gary Coleman died?, giving your mom a different stroke (Diff’rent Strokes)”
Synopsis: First, props to Aye Verb for standing his ground to the Battle Rap Bully in a room littered with Brooklyn fiends–Verb brought up the Dose battle and Math gay rumors while showing no fear or intimidation in front of a guy who loves to play off that shit. Second, that Math dickrider in the green shirt really gets on my nerves, laughing at just about everything Math says while side-eyeing Verb throughout his rounds, even the corny lines (any wonder Calicoe brought up the antics of Math’s cheerleaders in their battle). But lastly, line for line, this battle was really no contest with Math delivering gems like “nigga please, you see the type of reach I got?, you can’t read my speed, you gonna spit a couple of teeth and drop, your people’s they gonna leave the spot and in a couple of weeks this twat gonna wake up out his coma with the same beard jesus got” with typical bravado all the while storytelling with lively warnings and over-the-top hilarity that even had Verb losing it. Brooklyn wins.
Verdict: Math Hoffa (W) 2-1
Best Line: Math Hoffa – “Captain Marketable, I could sell you on all kinds of shit, for one you could be a face model for a hollow tip”
Recap: Over a decade later and this classic Lionz Den battle between Tay Roc and Kaboom still has a cloud of controversy over its head. The debate centering around whether or not this was a 4-round battle to begun with or if it went the usual 3 rounds with an OT round thanks to the judges or if the 4th round was just Roc and Boom giving the fans an extra round for fun, knowing that it wouldn’t count in the end. I’m going with the latter and got Boom winning this in 3. After all, most Lionz Den battles were 3 rounds long. Then too, the fact that Roc turned around and spit his bars 1st (after going 2nd all through the earlier rounds) in the extra round should tell you that this was a bonus turn. That said the decision here is pretty clear with Roc’s consistently lit, street themed bars handily taking round 1 before an elongated, but aggressive, witty at times, mocking, boastful and punch-heavy Boom clearly took rounds 2 and 3 for the win over what could arguably be seen as two of the two most basic rounds Roc has ever spit. However, let it also be said that Roc’s 4th is a certfied classic with its fiery storytelling, brazen punches and stellar intermixing of noted Philly rappers.
Verdict: Kaboom (W) 2-1, Tay Roc (W) OT
Favorite line: Kaboom – “You wack, your mixtape is a frisbee, take this filthy nigga back to Walt Disney!”
Synopsis: For the most part a pre-“Landslide!” Calicoe puts on a dope show using fierce punchlines (“His bitch always want me to cut, she admire my saw”) and jokes (“He was one of those fat, short niggas at the court wishing he was a tall cat that say ‘If I can’t play well I’m taking my ball back”) to rally the crowd while making a game attempt to steal a win from hometown fave Heartless. Yet, an animated Heartless sets adrfit any chance for Calicoe to take this one by delivering two rounds of pure heat. Put aside the quasi-gay (“smack at his butt like baby clothes”) lines, Heartless goes immediately for the throat with punchlines (“….Nigga if you Mr. Hightower, how come you still ain’t came here [hair] with a fresh line”) galore an ill ‘how-to-use-arm’ scheme and steady haymakers (“I’m not fucking with him, that’s why I stay strapped, nigga I bring that semi abroad, that bitch done took off more wigs than Nicki Minaj”). Granted it’s not easy getting beat by a guy dressed in pink, but Calicoe will be alright.
Verdict: Heartless (W) 2-1
Best line: Heartless – “If I approach you with that iron kid, it’s no wonder you’ll be losing bread, fuck it, how about we all just rob him then go cut the cake together like newlyweds?”
Recap: Conceited is so hit-n-miss with his punchlines throughout this matchup against Goodz, that even if he did manage to drop a couple of nice off-the-dome bars on the huge armpit stains staring at him throughout this battle just begging to be goofed on, it probably wouldn’t have mattered anyway. Indeed, this battle didn’t come down to how crazy nice Goodz as much as how alarmingly corny Conceited, one of the slicker (“Sub zero gave him ICE, it was a fatality”; “I swear Goodz I ain’t gonna front, that name is clever, [but] I’ll get rid of that ‘O Z’ and send you up to the remaining letters”) punchliners around, was at times. From the infamously lame: “And they all bananas, so you better split” performance bar in the 1st round to the lazy “In this battle I’m a Yankees, he the Phillies [philly] that’s why I’m smoking his ass” line in the 2nd, Conceited lack of consistency, much less haymakers left plenty of room for Goodz most entertaining (“It’s crazy, he talk about he poppin’ them things, wow!, but him and his girl go to the mall and they shop in the same aisle!” personals, wittiest “C’mon, you tough?!, well if you do smoke lead, it’s like a dope head, you gotta shoot up”) wordplay and an easy win.
Verdict: Goodz (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Goodz – “I got my name from a bitch, you went to jail and they named you Conceited, he tried to hook off on the low, and got pushed off on the floor, then they caught him in the showers and made him play football with the soap!”
Recap: Plenty of boastful darts, gun talk and mediocre punchlines in this 3-round battle between Qleen Paper and Artic. But with the addition if a little wit here and there and a nice freestyle in the midst of his 3rd round, it’s QP who gets the win here after the two split the first two rounds.
Verdict: QP (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Qleen Paper – “I roll down ya block and bitches watch out the window, just to get ’em hot, throw some gwap out the window, let ’em see them spinners I stop and then go, look Artic, stop lying, I’m not your kinfolk!”
Recap: I agreed with the judges on this one. Despite Fredo laying down a classic 3rd round of dope one-liners and too-funny (“Your dad’s a dumb cunt, your karate class was mad expensive, it cost him an arm and a leg, so he paid half upfront”) quips on Swave Sevah’s dad, overall his inconsistency in rounds one and two hurt him, therefore allowing Swave’s usage of brash (“Pen said they sleeping on you my nigga, I said yeah, on a bed of nails”) bars, nifty jokes and steady punchlines to edge those rounds and make it a case of too little, too late.
Verdict: Swave Sevah (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Swave Sevah – “Fuck a diet, this nigga when on a ‘Try It!'”
Synopsis: Okwerdz’ 6th grade (“And your vision’s based on movement, but that’s too damn easy, cuz’ I’m making moves but you can’t see me”) rhymes and predictable crowd pleasers don’t stand a chance against an animated and inspired T-Rex who spouts off enough wicked personals, impressions, jokes and greasy bars (tho, not that he could’ve known it at the time, but there’d be plenty of irony to come in lieu of his “C’mon out the closet, you niggas gay, everybody know y’all fronting, y’all be slapping each other on the ass like ‘good game’ and ain’t nobody playing nothing” bar) to take the win. Indeed, so impressive was Rex that you can even forgive him for that “segregation” flub.
Verdict: T-Rex (W) 3-0
Best line: T-Rex – “I’m a vet I kill niggas on cameras and shit, and he’s a vet, he be dealing with hamsters and shit”
Round 2 Round 3
Synopsis: I could see some people saying this one was one for DNA. esp. with his first round getting so many points for performance alone. Yet, the bars Tsu Surf was spitting here, IMO, don’t get enough credit for how they landed or appreciated for all the subliminals (“that whole Grind Time team? Bring ’em all over ‘cuz they good over there, but Bryon Russell with the crossover”) he dished out–it was just his delivery that needed a lot of workThat said, DNA’s personals, rebuttals, bars and all-round aggression gave him teh win, but not a bodybag.
Verdict: DNA (W) 2-1
Best line: Tsu Surf – “Where da goons lurk, you don’t get love nigga, on every bitch heels, you an UGG nigga”
Synopsis: Not to dismiss his talent, but with his nerdy aesthetics, Jewish heritage. gimmicks and shock value bars/theatrics, it’s easy to see why Soul Khan gets so much love in the battle rap circuit–after all everybody loves the underdog. Yet, here’s a sample of SK getting too much love against a cocky wordplay feen in QP. Of course, for whatever reason QP’s S.O.N.S. crew seem to forever get hated on and it wasn’t too long before this battle that SK put J. Fox in a bodybag on the URL stage. But all that extra shit aside, on bars alone, seems to me that QP just put on a better overall display, esp. in rounds 1 (“This faggot’s a maggot and magic couldn’t make this fruit fly”) and 2 (“But you a walking contradiction and I’m just now learning why, because you say you hate skinheads, why on the 8th day you get circumcised?”). Soul Khan would later take credit for this win (and with a clearly biased crowd one can understand why), but I got it the other way around.
Verdict: QP (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Soul Khan – “I’ll sunset the S.O.N.S set, dropping every man, your rap crew is some fat dude and some chocolate teddy grams”
Recap: Here’s the only known released footage of Murda Mook vs. Verse from their Fight Klub battle. Not much to see here besides Verse’s mundane fast-rapping, while Mook compares lifestyles with his usual charismatic flair. A judged battle–with Mook still around and Verse M.I.A., I think it’s safe bet to say that Mook got this.
Verdict: Murda Mook (W)
Favorite line: Murda Mook – “That’s what my life ’bout, never chose the right route, you see me in D.C. pissing on the White House!”
Part 2
Part 3
Synopsis: So this battle starts off with Calicoe just spazzing, dissing New York heads (“All my victims got somethin’ in common, a bunch of New York niggas born rich with a silver spoon”) in a room full of Yankee fitteds, dealing out that gun talk, clearly taking over the room and well on his way to a win on the road no less. But credit Rich for staying consistently aggressive throughout, delivering schemes (“That Calicoe will put him 6 deep, for thinking he I’ll, he catch a Holla in his Big Tee”), disrespectful bars and that straight BX gutter (“Ask the Jacksons I kill mics [Mike] no prescription drugs”) talk, all the while a clearly unprepared Calicoe looks up to the sky so he can remember and start spitting lyrics from his music library. BX all day.
Verdict: Rich Dolarz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Calicoe – “We only watch Richie’s battles to hear him say ‘Chill!'”
Round 2
Round 3
Synopsis: Great first round by Calicoe, too bad he clearly didn’t prepare for the rest of the match, using written bars in round 2 and practically giving up in the 3rd. Meanwhile, Rich was Rich, consistent aggressive (and grimey) bars, a few jokes here and there and enough shots at the Midwest movement to catch up and pull out the win.
Verdict: Rich Dolarz (W) 2-1
Best line: Calicoe – “We only watch Richie’s battles to hear him say ‘Chill!!!'”
