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Amzilla defeats DNA

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Part 2/OT

Synopsis: Intriguing to say the least as one gets to see this Grind Time Tryouts battle featuring an early DNA (along with some of your other favorite battle rappers) looking to get on and build his resume. Good battle and since I agree with Cortez on what defines Overtime rules, it gives me no problem going with Amzilla on the win since he spit the hottest line (“I’ll hit you with an uppercut [looks up] DNA done got stuck on the ceiling”) in the extra round.

Verdict: Amzilla (W) OT

Favorite line: Amzilla – “I heard they call you DNA because you couldn’t spell chromosome”

Philly Swain and K-Shine [TIE]

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Recap: Philly Swain versus K-Shine for two rounds up in Harlem on Loaded Lux’s Lions Den stage is a barnburner as Swain’s boisterous punches, witty wordplay and righteous (“Certified Wiseguy, I’m the Godfather!”) similes make work (esp. in round 1 which Philly edged), while Shine’s gritty darts, heated gun bars and braggadocio raps are enough to edge round 2 and make this one a tie.

Verdict: TIE

Favorite line: K-Shine – “All that tough talk, till I run up on nigga’s, with the .40 poking out the bag like Malt liquor!”

Conceited defeats Tall T

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Synopsis: Tall T (R.I.P.) was always nice, but unfortunately not much comp here against an early Conceited who was clearly at the top of his game, delivering sizzling punchline (“bullets like the letter ‘V’, they coming after ‘U'”) after punchline (“cops wanna handcuff him, stick him in jail, even if I was a SIM card I wouldn’t sit in a cell”) with virtual ease, while putting on a show for a hype crowd that made you forget that Conceited was the road guy.

Verdict: Conceited (W) 2-0

Best line: Tall T – “You talk about it, we actually shoot, dome shots make him do the Chicken Noodle soup! And when comes to pussy, you don’t know what to do, you put yo condom on and balls in it Too!!

Real Deal defeats Fresco

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Recap: Grind Time judges got it all right here as capped by a dope ‘Leave Britney Alone!’ impression, Real Deal’s gang of mocking personals, sizzling punchlines and gay innuendos combined to score a 30 on a mostly pedestrian and overmatched Fresco.

Verdict: Real Deal (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Real Deal – “Chicago is not your city, it’s your favorilte musical!”

Charlie Clips defeats Tay Roc

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Synopsis: Not much more can be said about this battle that hasn’t already been spoken. A battle that put Clips on the map and literally gave him “legend” status all the way through to his battle with A-Verb a few years later on URL. As for Tay-Roc, compared to the high-caliber version of Roc that we see now, the version we see here just seemed happy to be there (tho his 1st and 3rd rounds weren’t that bad), which killed the B-more legend’s rep until he’d later take it all out on Kaboom in that famous OT round on the Lion’s Den later down the road. Other than that, peep a confident Clips just dropping fire punch after punch while roasting on Roc for 3 rounds (esp. during a superb and witty round 1) as well as Teyana Taylor in the audience for your added viewing pleasure.

Verdict: Charlie Clips (W) 3-0

Best line: Charlie Clips – “See the reason I go crazy and I be blacking it out, is because my grandmother said, ‘If you lose to this Tay Rock nigga, don’t bring yo ass back in my house'”, What, can you picture me losing for that good-ass cooking? For my grandmom’s I do time in that hood ass booking, he wanna fight I throw a left then a good-ass hook and, have him like, ‘woop-woop!’, you know, when you used to get that good-ass whooping”

Z.M. defeats Swave Sevah

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OT

Synopsis: Swave got off to a hot start (“You might have a chance at winning if this was a pie-eating contest”), but lost momentum in the latter rounds leading to an OT that he clearly wasn’t prepared for.

Verdict: Yung ZM (W) OT

Favorite line: Yung Z.M. – “Bitch, you so dark it look like you stood outside for two summers…”

Arsonal defeats Hollow da Don

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Synopsis: Da Rebel at his best: loud, aggressive, cocky, disrespectful and a few Hulkamania leg drops to finish off Hollow da Don and get the 3-count. Really, did Hollow just underestimate Arsonal or was he just unprepared? Perhaps both. Because that stunned look da Don got on his face throughout this battle reminds me of the same look Tay Roc had against Charlie Clips. Why this battle even went to overtime served as just another reason why Fight Klub had to go–tho unfair to Arsonal, it did give him a reputation for recycling bars when it should’ve never went to OT in the first place

Verdict: Arsonal (W) 4-0

Best line: Arsonal – “Last week I saw your rap sheet, you had one charge…wandering”

Arsonal da Rebel defeats RemyD

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Recap: Showing that he takes no mercy on out-of-town spitters, Arsonal goes ham and spazzes on RemyD’s midwest flow and significant others throughout this tournament battle from Fight Klub. In order to finish the kill and leave no witnesses the coup-de-grace comes when da Rebel decides that even the kids can not be spared: “I’ll kidnap your child, shove a bomb down his throat and blow that little muthafukka into several slices!” It’s a wrap.

Verdict: Arsonal (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Arsonal – “Your bitch, she a fiend, but she the queen of the deep throat, that bitch will suck the fucking motor off a speed boat”

Cortez defeats Mosh Jelton

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Recap: Grind Time East Coast battle between Cortez and Mosh Jelton is entertaining all the way through with plenty of witty barbs/4-bar setups, racial jokes and piercing punchlines. But after the two split the first two rounds, a more consistently spicy, lit with the personals and adept with his ability to predict some of his opponent’s lines Cortez pulls this one out at the end.

Verdict: Cortez (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Cortez – “I gave him a pack to flip, he snorted like the half the shit, the other half he gave to David Blaine for a magic trick!”

Dizaster defeats Everybody Knows

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Synopsis: An Asian battle rapper versus an Arab battle rapper, so what you’d expect besides a lot of ethnic jokes and racialist wordplay? And after witnessing this battle, let’s just say Dizaster would make for a much better xenophobe.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “How dare Harold challenge me to a rhyme battle? This is the thanks I get for taking this faggot to White Castle”

Hollow da Don defeats Yung Ill

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Recap: Yung Ill with the heated gun lines and some nice set-ups. Hollow da Don with the fiery punchlines and witty barbs. However, it’s a nice rebuttal by Hollow in the deciding 3rd round that makes the majority of the difference here in this Fight Klub battle.

Verdict: Hollow da Don (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Hollow da Don – “This nigga have to be a bitch ‘cuz he sweet like Sara Lee!”

Illmaculate defeats Dizaster

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Recap: More intricate with his schemes and more gripping with his personals, but also helped by a steadier flow and some witty bars, in this 3 rounds plus OT battle from Grind Time Illmaculate takes the 1st, 2nd and 4th rounds from the always aggressive and very solid, but not quite as consistent here Dizaster.

Verdict: Illmaculate (W) 3-1

Favorite line: Illmaculate – “Dude is getting mad hyped but you sound stupid and you cram rhymes, only thing natural about Dizaster is losing my a landslide!”

Vokab defeats Dizaster

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Recap: The dancing-while-rapping thing still kind of leaves you scratching ya head. But against the raucous, yet in this case pretty mediocre raps of Dizaster, opponent VoKab scores with enough hairy jokes and earnest punches to get the win in this 2-round freestyle battle from Tourettes Without Regrets.

Verdict: VoKab (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “I was trying to stare him in his eyes, but I got lost in his eyebrows!”

Aye Verb defeats SB

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Recap: Classic battle between Aye Verb (visiting NY to battle for the first time) and SB (a last-minute replacement for Head Ice) on a cold night on the streets of Harlem with Murda Mook hosting. While SB kicks a plethora of braggadocio rhymes, until his preeminent (“I’ll strap a bomb to your waist and make you in your crib and blow it up”) 3rd round, most of his bars are pretty standard stuff. On the other hand, with a host of animated gun bars, heated (“Catch this nigga at the check cashing, snatch his chain and give it back to him, tell him I just was practicing!”) personals and dope punchlines, a confident Verb not only does St. Louis proud, but kicks off what would be the beginning of the infamous Midwest movement into Smack/URL.

Verdict: Aye Verb (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Aye Verb – “Shots point-blank range…BANG!!! he fucked….his soul flying, I’m still firing, even his guardian angels duck!”

J. Ka$h defeats Soul Khan

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Synopsis: Honestly, considering he was a last-minute replacement (tho granted he had a too short 2nd round) I don’t think J. Ka$h did that bad here (just needs to work on his versatility and delivery, but the wordplay, metaphors and bars was there) and that combined with a Soul Khan clearly not at his best…..I had to edge this one to Ka$h.

Verdict: J. Ka$h (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Soul Khan – “And the funny thing is your chick is huger than Pun, fuck a dimepiece that chick is a mutual fund”

Young Gattas defeats Unorthodox Phrases

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Recap: In this Grind Time matchup, Unorthodox Phrases’ ‘flat-chested…MapQuest’ line, while fire, certainly wasn’t too awesome to overcome some struggles with his flow, redundant gay jokes for 3 rounds and finally an aggressive and brazen Young Gattas clearly out-punching U.P. in round 1 or using a spicy rebuttal to edge round 3 for the win as well.

Verdict: Young Gattas (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Young Gattas – “Bitch, I keep more .16s than a fucking child rapist!”

Pat Stay defeats Critical

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Recap: Did those judges really need to think about this one or were they just playing for the cameras? Had to be the latter as Pat Stay’s hard-hitting punches, stinging personals and boastful barbs clearly beat an over-matched and flow-challenged Critical in this 3-roudner from Elements League.

Verdict: Pat Stay (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Pat Stay – “Straight-up, if I was you right now I’d just say I’m finished, unless you looking to get eaten up [8 up] like R. Kelly’s age limit!”

Dizaster defeats Reverse Live

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Recap: Grind Time used to have so many battles go into overtime that one can’t help but wonder how many battle rappers would bring 4 rounds with them instead of the standard 3. That said, here’s another GT battle that had no business going into OT, as a more consistently potent, aggressive and witty Dizaster clearly took the 1st and 3rd rounds versus Reverse Live before going OT and landing one more haymaker to take the final round too.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-1

Favorite line: Dizaster – “I hate when rappers come down here acting so damn hard, you look like Roseanne Barr swallowed a whole damn car!”

Real Deal defeats Tut

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Recap: Yet another Grind Time battle that went to OT (at least two of the 5 judges had the guts to make the right call) when it didn’t have to as a witty, personal-savvy and off-the-dome spicy Real Deal clearly out-punched his topsy-turvy opponent Tut in the 1st and 3rd rounds (call the 2nd round debatable) for the win.

Verdict: Real Deal (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Real Deal – “Hey, you need to do away with these project dreams and go back to being on the Jamaican bobsled team!”

Swave Sevah defeats Chuck Black

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Recap: While Chuck Black came through with 3 solid, witty at times and gun bar-spazzing turns, in this Grind Time East battle versus Swave Sevah, the Harlem-nite’s rugged punches, mocking personals and boastful stunting were enough to take both of the opening rounds, before a debatable 3rd.

Verdict: Swave Sevah (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Swave Sevah – “See, you talk like you a wild cowboy, but where at?, Brokeback Mountain?!”

Serius Jones defeats Moonface

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Recap: Jersey vs. Jersey sees longtime vet Moonface give Serius Jones a run for the money in this epic Fight Klub battle. Jones has some lapses throughout the battle, but is able to pull it out in overtime with wicked freestyles/bars on Moonface’s Montell Jordan lookalike homie and his opponent only buying out the bar “when he go to the gay club”.

Verdict: Serius Jones (W) OT

Favorite line: Serius Jones – “You was an ugly baby, so your mom’s used to ignore you!”

Soul Khan defeats Rhapsodist

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Synopsis: The judge on the phone summed it up best as Soul Khan sets a precedent with another easy win over Rhapsodist.

Verdict: Soul Khan (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Soul Khan – “I know I’m Jewish but we can work this out, I’m the Fiddler on the Roof of your girlfriend’s mouth”

Real Deal defeats A Shaw

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Recap: Against a mediocre punching and free-styling A Shaw, Real Deal has an easy time of it, using a gang of piercing punchlines, witty/rigid personals, fierce name flips and even a dope 2nd round rebuttal to score a 3-0 in this 3-rounder from Grind Time.

Verdict: Real Deal (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Real Deal – “I make moves across the country, he’s stuck in Indy…nobody wants to listen to a tree-hugging hippie!”

Hollow da Don defeats Philly Swain

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Synopsis: Good battle, but frustrating to see a vet like Swain talk over Hollow’s bars like that. Always nice to see Hollow’s rebuttals, but Swain’s “It’s Dad” scheme was pretty nice and funny too. Overall, way more punches, bars and freestyles from Hollow to get him the win.

Verdict: Hollow da Don (W) 3-1

Best line: Hollow da Don – “Naw I aint no wrestling dude, that k come out, chest chop, that’s a wrestling move”

Kay M defeats Cortez

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Part 2

   

Synopsis: Probably the lowlight of Cortez’s battle career. Against the then-106 & Park Freestyle champ, Cortez uses aggressive bars and nice punchlines to ably take the lead on a weak and very rusty Kay M. However, just when he’s on his way to an easy win, he slips up bad in the 3rd round and forces O.T. After another weak round from Kay M, Cortez start off nicely, but this time he doesn’t just slip-up, he chokes, giving his opponent a win he clearly didn’t deserve.

Verdict: Kay M (W) OT

Favorite line: Cortez – “His nickname’s Weezy, head game’s crazy, he licks the lollipop, he loves kissing babies”

Dizaster defeats Triune

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Recap: Two rounds, but not sure how seriously a prep-lacking Triune took the 2nd. That’s neither nor there when it comes to Dizaster tho as the L.A. battler coasted with a gang of witty personals and piercing punches to take each round for the win.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “I love the word bitch because if it wasn’t for that I wouldn’t know what to call you!”

Hitman Holla defeats Cashola

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Recap: Word War ’09 battle hosted by Aye Verb with a couple of aggressive St. Louis spitters in Hitman Holla and Cashola going at it for two rounds. Cashola was steady with a harsh delivery/flow that linguistically delivered (“I’ll catch this nigga in a city street, sliding with his little groupie freak, open the back door, put the gun to his son head and blow his little ass out the booster seat!”) well at times, but more often than not his wordplay was pretty generic and average. On the other hand Hitman’s versatility shined in both rounds, if it wasn’t witty (“You wasn’t even on my menu, you remind of broccoli”) personals, it was robust storytelling bars, potent gun lines and solid (“Claim you a pit bull, but see me and you won’t even bark”) punchlines that got him the win.

Verdict: Hitman Holla (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Hitman Holla – “I’m quickly gonna turn this reality into a movie, play dumb, start killing these niggas, Officer Doofy”

Big T defeats H-I

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Round 2

Round 2 1/2 & 3

Recap: A confident Big T doesn’t let the away crowd get him flustered, using some exquisite wordplay, brash (“Boy, don’t you ever come to me like I’m some small time…all these angry pits with me, you ain’t must seen that dog sign!”) heavy hitters and formidable gun bars to overwhelm and easily take out H-I, who’s penchant for (“This nigga knowing that I’m hot, the devil told me to chill”) elementary rhymes gave him little chance of winning throughout.

Verdict: Big T (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Big T -“You ain’t from ATL, but you’ll get your team stumped, I’ll knock A-town down if I’m holding this piece [peace] up!”

Young Gattas defeats Pryceless

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Recap: Young Gattas (aka Blaze) 1st appearance on Grind Time and I gotta go with the judges on this one as while opponent Pryceless came with some solid personals to edge round 1, in the latter rounds Gattas would up her off-the-dome acumen, spout some flexing punchlines and with the help of Pryceless’ bar efficiency going downhill with each passing round, get the win in the end.

Verdict: Young Gattas (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Young Gattas – “You said I don’t have titties, it’s not my fault your titties is bigger than mines!”

Cortez defeats Jazzy Tech

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Recap: Dishing out so much mayhem on a guy who came through at the last minute to battle you probably won’t make you any new friends. But for Cortez, we’re sure that this 3-round Grind Time trashing of a clearly over-matched Jazzy Tech was strictly professional.

Verdict: Cortez (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Cortez – “Fools like him only celebrate on April 1st!”

Locksmith defeats Passwurdz

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Recap: This 3-rounder from Grind Time finds the more crispy punching and witty Locksmith edging the 1st and 3rd rounds for the win versus a mostly pedestrian Passwordz.

Verdict: Locksmith (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Locksmith – “You thought you wouldn’t lose but your nigga’s probably did, they got ypu fucked up in the head like Whitney and Bobby’s kids!”

Yung Ill defeats RemyD

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Recap: It’s an easy win for Yung Ill here against a filler-prone RemyD, as Ill not only dispenses gritty (“How you rap about committing crimes…chill, you couldn’t do penitentiary time behind mini-blinds!”) street lines with aggressive consistency, but fiery punchlines.personals and an early “Gun So Big…” bar that showed how much the creative juices were flowing.

Verdict: Yung Ill (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Yung Ill – “Catch ya at the laundromat, your son by ya…they gonna be like ‘Damn, how he fit two bodies in one dryer!'”

Loaded Lux defeats Nuborn

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Recap: Two rounds and only 30 seconds to rap in each aren’t for everyone as Nuborn clearly shows here, almost choking away his first before dishing pretty standard bars in the second and still complaining about not having time to rap. Loaded Lux, on the other hand, in what would be his final BET Freestyle Friday match, came equipped with his usual flair of braggadocio punchlines and fiery personals. Altogether, not Lux’s A-game, but more than enough heat to beat a way-less-prepared opponent.

Verdict: Loaded Lux (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Loaded Lux – “Right now you couldn’t fight yourself out of a wet paper bag with a razor!”

The Saurus defeats Dizaster

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Recap: No doubt about it, the Saurus gets robbed here. The 2-time Scribble Jam champ equating Dizaster on quality punchlines, wit and personals, but edging the 1st round thanks to a Diz slip-up. Then after a debatable 2nd round, a more condensed The Saurus edges the 3rd with a steadier flow as well as one more haymaker. Yet another unnecessary OT from Grind Time was equally subpar on both sides, which makes that round a draw.

Verdict: The Saurus (W) 2-0-2

Favorite line: The Saurus – “We understand you’re faking, your from a land that’s vagrant, where fucking camel racing is known as public transportation!”

The Saurus defeats Real Deal

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Recap: Both battlers bouncing around the stage a lot because apparently that’s you did if you were a battle rapper back in the late 2000’s, The Saurus uses a fierce punch game in addition to some killer rebuttals to take both rounds for the win in this 2-round Scribble Jam matchup.

Verdict: The Saurus (W) 2-0

Favorite line: The Saurus – “Can’t give you all the credit, ‘cuz that Rice-a-Roni line was hotter when Solomon said it!”

Passwurdz defeats Illusion-Z

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Recap: Equipped with a gang of flexing punchlines and funny jokes to offset his opponent’s witty barbs/personals and sexual innuendo’s, Passwurdz does more than enough to take each round and earn a 30 over Illusion-Z in this 3-rounder from Grind Time.

Verdict: Passwurdz (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Passwurdz – “When you were born your family piled 15 deep up in a Prius!”

Head Ice defeats Tye Knots

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Recap: It doesn’t get much better than this as Head Ice puts it down for Harlem by taking out not just one, but two (granted the 2nd dude in the red cap who took the OT round came way better than the guy he replaced, Tye Knots) CT spitters with in-your-face aggressive rhymes, fierce (“You sleep, I’m still bombing, Pearl Harbor nigga”) punches and hard-hitting bars. Indeed, a handicap match like this would probably intimidate most heads, but as Ice proves here it’s just another day at the office.

Verdict: Head Ice (W) 4-0

Favorite line: Head Ice – “I know some wheelchair niggas that legs move, when it comes to the drama..you run…they shoot!”

Cortez defeats Complex

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Synopsis: Not much to see here except some early schemes by Cortex, him choking in the 3rd round and Iron Solomon in the back serving as timekeeper.

Verdict: Cortez 2-1

Best line: Complex – “I remember beating Cortez back in the day when I played Crash Bandicoot”

Murda Mook defeats Yung Hot

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Synopsis: It’s easy to forget that Murda Mook’s (along with braggadocio rhymes on how nice he is) forte has always been about breaking down nigga’s. And here he does just that against a clearly outclassed Yung Hot, using menacing personals, funny storytelling and wicked bars to take out his frustration on having to face a “3rd-string replacement”.

Verdict: Murda Mook (W) 3-0

Best line: Murda Mook – “And I do think I’m the greatest, I believe in the hype, that’s why every time you hear me I compare me to Mike, example, remember A.I. crossed Mike out his sneakers?, it seem so much worse cuz’ we ain’t think Mike had a weakness, offa’ that one move A.I. gothis fame, [but] they forgot Jordan had 35 and still won that game!”

Hollow da Don defeats Jay Focus

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Synopsis: Did Jay Focus really think he was going somewhere with this style? Appreciate Hollow’s freestyle’s here in what was a punch-heavy and totally one-sided affair.

Verdict: Hollow da Don (W) 3-0

Best line: Hollow – “Your girl pussy free like school lunch!”

T-Rex defeats Midwest Miles

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Recap: In this early Smack battle, (“My rock is full of rocks, it’s like the Grand Canyon!”) T-Rex and (“My gun’s like Botox, you’ll get shots in the face!”) Midwest Miles kick rapid punches laced with steely confidence and a whole load of shit-talking. It makes for a fierce, close and competitive battle throughout, much less a sign of each battler’s rigid fortitude to out-punch the other. Rex eventually wins the battle with a more condensed and stronger overall 3rd.

Verdict: T-Rex (W) 2-1

Favorite line: T-Rex – “Like a Muslim with a pork chop, there’s no way you want it!”

Aye Verb defeats Yung Mase

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Recap: Giving his opponent Yung Mase the option of either taking an L or going home, Aye Verb flexes his might (and sexual exploits) with a spazz session of boastful punchlines, persistent mayhem and righteous personals that in this one-sided 1-rounder from Street Status, probably had the subpar and overmatched Mase wishing he’d stayed in the crib.

Verdict: Aye Verb (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Aye Verb – “This nigga lie for nuthin’, got his block thinking he a thoro G, when he ain’t shit but a lil ass bitch…girl please!”

RemyD defeats Hitman Holla

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Recap: They’d battle again later on in the Fight Klub, but this one-rounder clearly goes to RemyD, whose more consistently stronger punchlines and fierce wordplay beat Hitman Holla’s less potent braggadocio lines.

Verdict: RemyD (W) 1-0

Favorite line: RemyD – “Flip the on switch, this when you realize the hook I catch you with ain’t a chorus!”

Real Deal defeats E

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Recap: Guessing that E went into another line of work as after getting demolished in this 1-round, freestyle battle by a way more hitting Real Deal, we haven’t heard from E since.

Verdict: Real Deal (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Real Deal – “Why am I battling Kevin Garnett’s action figure?!”

Real Deal defeats Ajaxx

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Recap: Ajaxx and Real Deal go at it outside on the streets of Pittsburgh for 3 spirited and gritty rounds, but it’s more consistently hitting RD’s punch game that gets him the 30.

Verdict: Real Deal (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Real Deal – “I’m not your ordinary cracker ‘cuz I’m the Ritz!”

Real Deal defeats Boka

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Recap: Boka disses opponent Real Deal’s frequent use of punchlines, but doesn’t provide much else when it comes to his bars. Thus allowing for the Pittsburgh emcee’s witty freestyles and lofty personals to make for an easy win in this 1-rounder from the Shadow Lounge in RD’s hometown.

Verdict: Real Deal (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Real Deal – “When did Russell Simmons become pregnant?!”

Real Deal defeats Chris Cain

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Recap: Armed with a barrage of mocking personals, in lieu of the round of pedestrian bars from opponent Chris Cain, Real Deal makes quick and easy work, thus taking this 1-rounder in his hometown of Pittsburgh.

Verdict: Real Deal (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Real Deal – “This dude should be going first, who the fuck came here with a Louis Vuitton purse?!”

Real Deal defeats Anymal

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Recap: 2007 1-rounder from Boyce Park in Pittsburgh, PA, finds a lack of substance in Anymal’s confidence and gritty raps which in turn leaves even a so-so Real Deal with just enough robust punches/personals/freestyles to get the win.

Verdict: Real Deal (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Real Deal – “You got that rubberband ‘cuz you have breast cancer!”

Tech 9 defeats Young D

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Recap: Note this battle for two reasons: an early Tech-9 steady (“Never invited, but always wanna go ass nigga!”) roasting some kid from Lancaster, PA (a spot noted for being predominantly Amish) and the bravado of Young D’s hypeman–a young white dude dressed in a sailor uniform standing in the midst of some gully-looking spectators with nary a worry except for supporting his boy. And tho it seems that they failed to drop the 3rd round of this battle, with Tech-9 killing his clearly overmatched opponent’s mixtape verses in the first couple of rounds, there’s really no need to see the rest.

Verdict: Tech-9 (W) 2-0*

Favorite line: Tech-9 – “Don’t be a wiseguy, don’t make me have to splatter you…and I got your mom’s duct taped for collateral!”

* – 3rd round is not available on Youtube.

Yung Ill defeats Hitman Holla

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Recap: Early Hitmam Holla versus Yung Ill stays competitive and aggressive on both sides throughout. But it’s Ill who seizes the day with more potent (“You a poodle with three legs, I’m a pit bull with rabies and no chain!”) bars, some fierce personals, a deft delivery and overall, a pretty strong performance. Holla, who got distracted by someone in the crowd during his second round, certainly had his (“If I sneeze you better not say ‘Bless Me’ wrong”) moments, but might’ve done better if he wasn’t seemingly (“Pull your skin off like bologna meat”?!?) insecure about his wordplay.

Verdict: Yung Ill (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Yung Ill – “I’ll put the gun on his tongue like shhhh…don’t kiss and tell!”

Yung Holla defeats Grim

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Recap: Dishing left and right with rapid personals/braggadocio bars when he wasn’t doing fine impressions of fellow battle rappers and gripping heaters with so much reckless abandon that even innocent grandmother’s had to heed notice, Yung Holla easily beats back the mostly pedestrian bars of Grim in this 2-rounder from Word War 8.

Verdict: Yung Holla (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Yung Holla – “Broke ass nigga…you couldn’t splurge at Family Dollar!”

Yung Holla defeats Birdie

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Recap: With plenty of $$$ on the line, Yung Holla uses righteous gun bars and deft personals to easily take the first couple of rounds, before literally gaining the kill on a very average Birdie with a spirited C-word acumen that solidified an adept vocabulary.

Verdict: Yung Holla (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Yung Holla – “On the way here, his homie like ‘My dude got flow, we expecting him to lose, but it’s a good look tho!'”

Cortez defeats Jay Focus

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Recap: DJ Vlad’s brief escapades hosting battle rap sees a spirited (“You here now, but your father was wrong, you an accident, you should’ve been a drink for your mom”) Jay Focus and a punchline-heavy Cortez (which according to Cortez, someone in the crowd just happened to record on their flip phone) go at it in a heated two-rounder (any battle host should know better than to have anything but odd number rounds, but whatever). After the two split the first couple of rounds it’s a good thing that the judges decided on OT which allows Tez to spit storytelling bars and expound on hitiin’ Jay’s girl with the “Dougie Fresh”, edging the round and taking the win.

Verdict: Cortez (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Cortez – “Your broad I fucked her and made [gestures to someone in the crowd] him tape it last night”

Reed Dollaz defeats Kaboom

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Recap: Philly vets Reed Dollaz and Kaboom trade hard, mayhem-ridden bars, heated punchlines and some recycled darts in this gritty and aggressive 2-rounder that a more scheme-heavy, condensed, less predictable and consistently visceral Reed edges here.

Verdict: Reed Dollaz (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Reed Dollaz – “Crushed the game, fitted in some Nike’s on, you play South street, stiletto’s and some tights on!”

Pat Stay defeats Jesse Ito

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Recap: Overwhelming his opponent in this 3-round bout from the Elements League in both stature and bar efficiency, Pat Stay doesn’t hold back with the righteous rancor, using a gang of flippant personals, penis jokes, boastful barbs, rich storytelling lines and rudimentary punchlines to score a bodybag on an opponent, Jesse Ito, who when he wasn’t choking away his 2nd round, couldn’t ring up a single haymaker with his bag of subpar lines during the entire battle.

Verdict: Pat Stay (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Pat Stay – “Me vs. you?, that’s a no-brainer like a lobotomy patient!”

Real Deal defeats Half Blown

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Recap: Scribble Jam 2007 contest finds the more crispier, personal-savvy and freestyle adept Real Deal scoring a win for Pittsburgh over HalfBlown.

Verdict: Real Deal (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Real Deal – “Ladies and Gentleman, what the fuck happened to Brian Grant?!”

Dizaster defeats Taz

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Recap: Opponent Taz rhymes well and delivers some solid punchlines here and there. But a Dizaster on Beast-mode with steady aggression backed by consistently hardcore punches, raucous boasts and enough stereotypical Indian jokes to make Pocahontas happy was too much to beat in this highly energetic 2-rounder.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “I’ll clap the lead up, I’ll shoot the pipe, the doctor’s will wrap his head up like his future wife!”

Kid Chaos defeats Prime Time

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Recap: Boastful barbs and thrifty punchlines rule this outdoor 3-round battle between Kid Chaos and Prime Time that the more consistently hitting and punch-heavier Chais wins by taking each of the opening rounds before Prime Time comes back with a stronger 3rd to avoid the shutout.

Verdict: Kid Chaos (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Kid Chaos – “Your rhymes wack like the Bankhead bounce!”

Iron Solomon defeats The Saurus

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Recap: $100 on the line for this 3-round street battle between The Saurus and Iron Solomon and outside of a subpar 2nd round from The Saurus, it’s a goodie as both battlers get busy with the fiery punchlines and gusty freestyles. However, before the punch-heavier The Saurus took the final round, a slightly cleaner, condensed and more consistently spicy/versatile Iron wins this one by taking both rounds 1 and 2.

Verdict: Iron Solomon (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Iron Solomon – “Named himself TheSaurus, but needed a dictionary to spell it right!”